Feeling sorry for me...
In the last two weeks I've heard of 4 couples I know who are all expecting!
I know I should be happy for them, but it just hurts. Especially when one of them was from someone who never wanted to have kids in the first place.
I love that we live in a normal size house now, but the room we've been keeping for the nursury is something I have to avoid or I just feel sad walking in it. And right now I have to every now and then because the boxes I still have to open are in there.
Most days I don't think to much about my infertility. But other days I just want to break down and cry because I'm feeling like all the years where I'd be a cool mom are disappearing. I know I'll still be a good mom, but I don't want to be feeling real old when I have teenagers, and since I still don't know when we'll have kids I'm starting to get scared wondering if we're just going to give up, and I don't want that.
I can't be happy for people who have kids and it hurts because I want to celebrate in their joy, but for me it's nothing but exclusion and pain. Comments like "You can have mine..." "You'll be a great mom, someday." and "you'll be a mom soon enough" just hurt even more. I can't really explain it.
Tomorrow my head will be full of different thoughts, but tonight things just really didn't feel fair. I've wanted to be a mom for years already, and yet that gift comes so easy to others.
Currently reading : Moments for Couples Who Long for Children (New Life Devotional)
I know I should be happy for them, but it just hurts. Especially when one of them was from someone who never wanted to have kids in the first place.
I love that we live in a normal size house now, but the room we've been keeping for the nursury is something I have to avoid or I just feel sad walking in it. And right now I have to every now and then because the boxes I still have to open are in there.
Most days I don't think to much about my infertility. But other days I just want to break down and cry because I'm feeling like all the years where I'd be a cool mom are disappearing. I know I'll still be a good mom, but I don't want to be feeling real old when I have teenagers, and since I still don't know when we'll have kids I'm starting to get scared wondering if we're just going to give up, and I don't want that.
I can't be happy for people who have kids and it hurts because I want to celebrate in their joy, but for me it's nothing but exclusion and pain. Comments like "You can have mine..." "You'll be a great mom, someday." and "you'll be a mom soon enough" just hurt even more. I can't really explain it.
Tomorrow my head will be full of different thoughts, but tonight things just really didn't feel fair. I've wanted to be a mom for years already, and yet that gift comes so easy to others.
Currently reading : Moments for Couples Who Long for Children (New Life Devotional)
Labels: depression, everyday life, infertility
posted by Celestial Freak @ 9/22/2006 10:33:00 PM
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