David is apart of my past.
I consider myself very lucky when it comes to my love life. Kevin and I connect in such perfect ways and he truely is my best friend. I wouldn't have it any other way for my best friend and love of my life. Because I've been with Kevin for so long some have wondered if I have ever loved any other guy, the truth is I have. I don't think talking about old flames is the best thing, but I did have one other guy I was sweet on. David was my friend in Manteaca. We went to church together, and unlike other friends I had there he took the time to make sure I was happy and safe. Not that I felt like other friends there were slackers, just that I knew David took extra care to pay attention to those things with me. I think that was his way of showing his love for me.
A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about my regrets of loosing this wonderful friend. And recently I had some issues with loosing some photos so I've been frantically trying to organize all my scrapbook material. As I was organizing a box of things from just after college I came across a letter I wrote to David but was never able to send him. Because of it's relivence to the recent post I figued it fit to post it here. I don't mind if others see my letter to him. This is all apart of who I am. I think finding this letter was interesting after the dream I had a few months back.
Now on to the letter:
Dear David,
From time to time I think about the last letter from you. I'm sorry I couldn't be your girlfriend anymore, but now that I'm more mature, I hope you can let me explain some things.
First of all, you are one of my best friends from Manteca, and I regret that we aren't still in contact with each other. I just recently got back in touch with Stephanie T. and so I hope she can help me get in contact with you.
When my family moved from Manteca and eventually to Colorado I had a ton of healing and soul searching I had to do. Unfortunately as a part of that it included letting go of all relationships in Manteca. I truely needed to make a new life for me. If I hadn't the pain would have been too much. I know I shouldn't have to go into details as to why I'd feel like this and I hope you understand that that was pretty much the whole reason I let so much go.
I must admit as much as I love you as a dear friend, I don't think I ever thought of us getting married, and in junior high we certainly didn't talk about such things. I love my husband very dearly so this isn't a letter to ditch him and hook up with you. But I must stress that I miss our friendship and I would hope that we could see each other again someday.
I've gotten a lot of help dealing with all my issues in the last few years. One of the things that made me write everyone off so much was the fact that my parents never thought I needed help. They thought that just moving away should have been enough. But when I was on my own and in college, I broke down and couldn't stand much of anything about life. I'm currently recovering (at the time of the letter a few years back) from a bout of depression that had me so debilitated that I didn't do or accomplish anything for about 6 months. God blessed me in protecting me from myself in some of the areas of depression and it really gave me a kick in the butt to go seek help.
I'm feeling so much better about life these days, but I regret that I left so much good behind in Manteca. To be honest, there have been times I've passed through Manteca to go somewhere else in CA and I feel vulnerable and sad. I wrapped up too much in that place and in trusting my parents that leaving it all behind was the best thing for me. I love the fact that Stephanie and I are friends again and it's been nice finding out how she and her mom are doing. She told me you seem to be doing well and your working with your dad on diesel trucks. I think that is the best! I always knew you were into mechanics and doing things with your hands so I'm glad everything is working out like that.
I want to re-meet you. I still have fond memories of us as kids and I want to still be friends >I think you and Kevin would be good friends too. It would be nice if we could all get together some time and hang out. I miss you. I hope you write back. Please be my friend again.
With love,
Crystal
A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about my regrets of loosing this wonderful friend. And recently I had some issues with loosing some photos so I've been frantically trying to organize all my scrapbook material. As I was organizing a box of things from just after college I came across a letter I wrote to David but was never able to send him. Because of it's relivence to the recent post I figued it fit to post it here. I don't mind if others see my letter to him. This is all apart of who I am. I think finding this letter was interesting after the dream I had a few months back.
Now on to the letter:
Dear David,
From time to time I think about the last letter from you. I'm sorry I couldn't be your girlfriend anymore, but now that I'm more mature, I hope you can let me explain some things.
First of all, you are one of my best friends from Manteca, and I regret that we aren't still in contact with each other. I just recently got back in touch with Stephanie T. and so I hope she can help me get in contact with you.
When my family moved from Manteca and eventually to Colorado I had a ton of healing and soul searching I had to do. Unfortunately as a part of that it included letting go of all relationships in Manteca. I truely needed to make a new life for me. If I hadn't the pain would have been too much. I know I shouldn't have to go into details as to why I'd feel like this and I hope you understand that that was pretty much the whole reason I let so much go.
I must admit as much as I love you as a dear friend, I don't think I ever thought of us getting married, and in junior high we certainly didn't talk about such things. I love my husband very dearly so this isn't a letter to ditch him and hook up with you. But I must stress that I miss our friendship and I would hope that we could see each other again someday.
I've gotten a lot of help dealing with all my issues in the last few years. One of the things that made me write everyone off so much was the fact that my parents never thought I needed help. They thought that just moving away should have been enough. But when I was on my own and in college, I broke down and couldn't stand much of anything about life. I'm currently recovering (at the time of the letter a few years back) from a bout of depression that had me so debilitated that I didn't do or accomplish anything for about 6 months. God blessed me in protecting me from myself in some of the areas of depression and it really gave me a kick in the butt to go seek help.
I'm feeling so much better about life these days, but I regret that I left so much good behind in Manteca. To be honest, there have been times I've passed through Manteca to go somewhere else in CA and I feel vulnerable and sad. I wrapped up too much in that place and in trusting my parents that leaving it all behind was the best thing for me. I love the fact that Stephanie and I are friends again and it's been nice finding out how she and her mom are doing. She told me you seem to be doing well and your working with your dad on diesel trucks. I think that is the best! I always knew you were into mechanics and doing things with your hands so I'm glad everything is working out like that.
I want to re-meet you. I still have fond memories of us as kids and I want to still be friends >I think you and Kevin would be good friends too. It would be nice if we could all get together some time and hang out. I miss you. I hope you write back. Please be my friend again.
With love,
Crystal
Labels: David Kaiser, depression, friendship, letters, life, relationships
posted by Celestial Freak @ 3/08/2007 01:11:00 PM
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