Finances, housework, stuff.

Due to the high prices of gas, and groceries, and because our funds for prescriptions ran out, we made the decision a couple weeks ago that we won't be able to give Christmas gifts this year. This greatly saddens me. I'm not even sure we'll be able to send cards or letters, which I hope we will, but it's very likely that this will be another year where our Christmas letter is simply posted here, and only people we see in person will get cards.

Recently my dear friend Mica and her family moved so her honey could go to seminary. As they left they gave us all of their perishable groceries! This was an amazing blessing! We weren't sure how we were going to buy food this month, we're still paying off my birthday weekend and so we weren't sure how we'd eat. I'm so grateful for their giving! I'm sad to see such loving friends leave, but what a blessing the timing is here.

The blessings keep coming too! We got amazing news today! Kevin got a raise! And it's a pretty good one too! We're thinking all it will probably do is to dig us out, not to really get us ahead. But hopefully we're just being conservative. We're still buried under the financial burdens of having lived in California much longer than we should have. We simply over-extended ourselves there and have been struggling ever since. We've cut back on things I didn't even think we could have. I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm actually writing to share our good news about his raise, I'm just hoping that this will meet our needs. Finances have been so overwhelming... Life is very difficult for me because of my mobility issues. I'm not so disabled as to go on disability, but I am enough disabled that I couldn't keep a job without being sick, sore, and tired the majority of the time. I'm so grateful that Kevin got this raise, it at least takes away my need to have to look for something when I can't really do that anyway. It continues to afford me the time to go to all these doctors appointments I need to.

Hopefully soon we'll be able to pay off some of these prescription bills, credit card debt, give more to church, resume giving to World Vision, better complete our shopping lists, and maybe start taking care of some things around the house. But what scares me is the idea that if we start taking care of these things that this increase will just seem like nothing all over again. That we'll still be in worn out clothes, unable to enjoy movies, and travels and such. There is so much we haven't been taking care of, that we really should. It's quite overwhelming.

We still need to fence our property, something we MUST do before we start the home-study for adoption. And we need to repair a piece of wall in the kitchen that was damaged when we had a water heater issue (that a deacon from our church fixed, which was a huge blessing!) that caused standing water in the water heater closet. And we have to paint the kitchen still. I have a few gallons of paint we bought with the money grandma gave us to repair after my kitchen fire last year, but without getting the wall fixed yet, or the kitchen cleaned enough and mobility issues, the paint still sits in the laundry room. I really need to just throw a pizza/work party for the kids from church, but I'm so bad about asking for and accepting help.

In a couple months my parents will visit, I'm hoping then that my dad can help me get the linen closet built. But I don't want to burden him while he's on vacation. He already does so much for grandma while he's home, and his job is physical too, I know he deserves a rest. We'll see how things pan out. But this is another thing I've put off because of finances, and I know our lives would improve if we had such a closet. Simple things, silly things, these things bug me. So do the white walls in every room that I wish could be color, and the carpets that need to be cleaned... I just look around and see so much that if I were more able bodied I'd just take care of myself, but with limitations probably need to pay someone else to do.

At the moment I'm not sure where my family will stay while here, every room is a mess. I keep house, but with how limited I am, you'd never know it. I don't post pictures of home because I don't ever want anyone to think I'm fine with the way things look here, or that I am OK with this. I'm not. The cat's playing never help, they knock stuff over causing more work, and quite often I leave things because bending over just is too much pain. I am amazingly blessed with several ladies from church who are willing and able to come over and help. Two are coming over on Friday. I am beyond humbled by this because I truly don't want to have to ask for help, but there is no way I can do this on my own. And yes Kevin helps, but he also works full time, so there isn't that much time he has to help much, and he needs his rest while home. His birthday is November 15th and I'd love to give him a clean home for his birthday, but as fall starts I'm already noticing an increase in mini-flair ups. I missed church twice in the last three weeks. I have been beyond tired because of physical therapy, and I'm so happy it's over now. Hopefully I can keep active enough to not loose the benefits, but cut back enough to not be so tired all the time. And to get more done around home, but I also have this laundry list of medical appointments I've been needing to make all summer, but have been putting off so I'd have the time for the PT appointments. I just need to keep praying that God will help me get this all done.

I guess what all this babbling comes down to is that life has been very taxing and overwhelming lately. Today's blessing is such amazing and good news! I just hope all these facts of life aren't so much bigger as to make it not that much of a deal. That's what we are both really afraid of. I am so thankful and blessed by this news, and by my friends from church. It just amazes me that I'm burdened so much by blessings. I think God is really working on me here, it's hard, humbling and strange, but I do see things getting better. Hopefully soon life won't feel so stuck.

Praise the lord for raises and caring friends!