Of pot roast and pot pies.

Living with chronic illness means that there are a lot of times when we eat prepared meals. It's not something I'm proud of, but sometimes I need a little help from the grocery store, the nights I'm not well enough to stand in the kitchen and cook.

I always make way more than we need each time I do cook so we can have leftovers, and I try to make things we won't get tired of or that I could quickly adapt into something else later.

Anyway, so last night, the highlight of my so unproductive week long flair up, was making pot roast. It wasn't the greatest, and I certainly noted a few things to do different next time. Didn't matter to the Hubster... He devoured his entire portion and praised me for it most of the evening. Even willing to have it as seconds tonight. So tonight I made us pot-pies to go with our pot roast. By 'make' I mean I thawed out and baked some brand name pre-made ones. Now, mind you, we've had these before, but normally as a snack, not eating them with something else. As we ate, we wondered how we ever ate these before! What was it that was in these that made them so completely bland, and the roast I made so flavorful. It felt like a magic trick of the taste-buds. I got to thinking, hey, I'm not that bad of a cook. Really I know I'm not, but I'm trying to remain humble.

Needless to say, I'm thinking about buying more freezer containers and making even more meals ahead on my good days, this is just pathetic. It was strange too to recall times when these little pot-pies have tasted so good and how disappointing they were tonight. It was also quite shocking to see that this particular brand has now taken to supplementing the meat with soy... no wonder the meat tasted gross and was so un-naturally soft. We agreed that Marie Calendar's is probably the only pot pies we like anymore... and even still, we probably should have me make home-made stuff ahead of time, as much as possible from now on.

This is an honor and a frustration though. I pride myself in becoming as best of a cook as I possibly can, so I'm always happy when I hear my food does please and satisfy, but as someone who most days doesn't have the energy I need to get it all done this also becomes quite a chore. I want to make us the food that is best for us, but if I'm too sick to sit or stand at the stove what do I do? And yes, I sit... I've bought a few different bar stools at different heights and it's a definite help with a lot of meals. Realistically though this isn't always a help, and I need something more.

Recently I've made some friends on line who also have Ankylosing Spondylitis and I was talking with one of them on-line last night, and she convinced me I need to invest in a walker. She was saying it's the best things she's done for herself. Believe me, it's something I've seriously considered quite a bit this last year. If it's something that helps keep me going on the bad days than that's a good thing, I think. There is now said walker on my amazon.com wish-list.

One of the hardest parts about chronic pain is that there are bad days, worst than bad days, and OK days too. And a lot of times people look at someone with a chronic pain illness and think well, their good days are how they are, and they just have to push harder on the bad days, and really that you've just given up. First of all, that outlook causes emotional pain. Daily life is such an ordeal with these illnesses, I know all my friends with chronic pain illness, and myself included, would give darn near anything to feel as strong and healthy as we once did. It does us no good to simply act as if we're just lacking a needed push. It makes us feel misunderstood, pained, and frustrated. Believe you me, if this was a matter of willpower, it'd be a different story.

The blessings of networking with others on-line & sharing these frustrations is that as we write, we share ways of sharing, giving perspective, and maybe, hopefully a new angle to share with others how our life is different.

I want my healthy friends and family to read this post by a fellow A.S. sufferer because as I read it I kept thinking that what she was writing was a cliff-notes version of my blog, and maybe hearing her share her words could give you better insight into my life. Yes, it's from her perspective of this disease, but I didn't read anything that isn't what I'd say, or have said.

This road is tough, and I need love and support from those around me as a result.

I need to honestly say that I'd love and appreciate meals brought over, this time of year especially. Don't break your bank, but home made, as opposed to pre-made is so much better, and I hate when we settle. I don't want to be a burden on anyone's grocery budget though.

Well, I need to start heading to bed. I've been sleeping about 11 hours on average lately, and I have women's fellowship tomorrow and don't want to miss it. At this rate I'm looking at taking a shower after I log off, crawling into bed, and when I roll out of bed tomorrow head on out to the meeting. It's at 1:00 PM. Now before you say, "Oh, I wish I could sleep like that!" Please know this is no luxury! I'm not getting rest at all these days, and much of that time is spent laying in bed praying the pain will go away enough to sleep well, only to dream about the pain, and wake up not rested. I hope tomorrow will be better, but I have to look at realistically how this week has been so far.

Good night blog friends, and blog readers. For now, I try to sleep.