Regarding mother's day; a message for those in ministry.

Mother's day has been the hardest day each year for me for the last decade. We found out about our infertility before being married because PCOS manifests itself with many other health issues that I then was seeking doctors advice about. It was hard to hear as an engaged woman I most likely would remain infertile. On the other hand it seemed a relief to know before marriage so we could firmly discuss this before making our vows and know deeper just what kind of commitment we were making to each other. And what a joy I've had remain in my heart when I learned the love of my life would want adoption just as much as I would.

Over the years it's been a very long journey for us to figure out what route of adoption we plan to pursue, and how we were going to prepare and save for it. Even now while in the process we have lots of questions, but we are boldly going forward knowing that we are being obedient to God by bringing into our lives a child who needs a home.

Because of years of studying fertility, infertility, pregnancy, miscarriage and other topics related to women's reproductive health - I've become passionate in teaching other women what I learn. Being pro-life, for me, isn't simply a political stance, but one rooted deeply in an understanding of when life begins and a deep desire to give just about anything to be able to know what pregnancy is like.

I find it mind boggling how anyone can request an abortion, or preform one. For the first I can only imagine it has greatly to do with misinformation. Knowing what it involves makes me grieve deeply for those lives lost. IF the mothers involved could only do what is best for THEIR body AND their child's no couple would have to deal with 9 years of waiting to grow a family as my husband and I have. This isn't a popular view. But sadly it's reality. There are lives out there that would be loved and wanted. There is no shortage of couples wanting children, just look at the high cost this country spends each year for fertility treatments and surgeries! But parenthood isn't only about raising a child that looks just like you and your spouse.

I'm tired of arguments about the less than 1% of hard cases, or the argument that women will still go get it done anyway. This only furthers the problem. The overwhelming majority of women who have this done do so with misinformation and limited information. They do it because a child is unwanted or inconvenient. Those performing abortions leave these women at high risks for cancers, depressions, and secondary infertility. And who looks out for them then? Who makes sure they aren't punished with a lifetime of regret, suicidal thoughts & depression?, Who makes sure they aren't punished with a lifetime of disease? Who is looking out to make sure they aren't later punished with infertility when the day does come that they want to have a child? Being "punished with a baby" is the wrong idea. Instead of putting these women at such a steep health risk why not look out for their long term health as well as to bless another family? Why is a woman to carry a child for 9 months and then placing the child for adoption such a bad thing? Because of social stigma? Because of what being pregnant in the workplace might mean? Because the woman might feel a sense of needing to become responsible with her life and care for that child? Those things may be hard, but that doesn't make them wrong.

This post isn't meant to be a post about abortion though. It's a post about motherhood. I simply want to bring into focus too that many women suffer greatly and deeply around mothers day for many reasons. Women who've had and regret abortions are only a portion. Women like myself dealing with infertility are just another portion. And unmarried women too. Our lives prevent us from living out our dreams of being included in mother's day.


The following is a very important letter that I want all to read

Dear Pastor,

It's almost Mother's Day again. They seem to come so quickly. I'm sure you are planning a very special service for all of the mothers. I know that it is such a special day for them, and I do not want to spoil anyone's joy. It is important for all of us to rejoice with each other, and even those of us who are not mothers can give thanks for those who are mothers.

All I ask is that you remember that this day can be extremely difficult for a number of members in our congregation. For women like me who struggle with infertility, Mother's Day can be the most painful day of the year. I've thought about staying home, but I know I need to be in God's house.

The most challenging part of the service is when all the mothers stand and the congregation smiles and applauds them. It feels awful to be the only one still sitting. I want to be able to stand with them. I want more than anything in this world to be a mother. It's something I have always wanted. I have carried children, but they were taken before they were ever born. I do have children in heaven, but I'm not a mother in the eyes of those here on earth.

So, on Mother's Day I often go home and cry, not quite able to understand why I am unable to become what so many in the church consider to be "God's highest calling"...a mother.

It is not only the un-mothers who feel lonely on this day. It must also be a painful day for single women who have never married, for mothers who have lost children, and for moms who have sons or daughters wandering from
the Lord.

As Mother's Day approaches, I pray that you will remember that it is not only a day of rejoicing for some, but a day of painful reminders for others. I know that God will help you to be a blessing to our congregation as you minister to us on this Mother's Day.

Anonymous