Thankful Thursday

1 Thessalonians 1:9-12 Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers, to do so more and more.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

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Today I'm thankful that my unexpected need was unexpectedly meet! I'm fairly certain it involved sacrifice on another person's part for me. And if so I'm truly grateful!

Here's some back story, This week I've had an appointment every day! Very much out of the ordinary for this house bound disabled. But on Wednesday last week I went to my dentist and had my teeth cleaned. My dentist's office is half a block away from my aunt's hair salon, and it's been ages since I've seen her. A real shame too since we live in neighboring towns. So I stopped into her shop to visit with her a little bit until her next customer was coming in. We chatted a bit about how damaged my hair had gotten from still having some old hair color on it, and now with regularly swimming (thanks to my parents who bought me a Y membership so I can attend the 3 times a week arthritis swim! Hey, another thankful post can spin off this one! Hmm...) so we made plans for me to come in Monday and get a trim. Monday came and 4 inches of damaged hair came off. Also on Monday, I skipped swim class because I've some bad rashes under my arms. And it's fairly raw. So instead of swimming I called my dermatologists office, only to find out that they won't be able to see me for a month, and suggested I see my GP. So I called my GP and was scheduled to see him the next day. So Tuesday happens and I'm off to see my GP. We talk about how dry I am, and how I probably have Sjogren's syndrome considering a few symptoms I have, and that goes along with my RA, so it's a very likely diagnosis, but he's leaving that for my Rheumatologist to determine, and he wants me to make an appointment with my dermatologist anyway in case the rash is still there in a month. So that's now two more appointments I need to make! I really should be on the phone planning those except today I just got back from the dentist office (AGAIN!) and feel the need to blog about THIS and save the phone calls for just after. See, on Tuesday night I chipped a couple teeth. We were having a pasta casserole for dinner, so I honestly have NO idea how it happened. But, for whatever reason, all of a sudden, two teeth chipped, and one so badly my tongue has been rubbed raw on the tip from the sharp edge of the tooth. So yesterday I was able to be squeezed in to be seen for an estimate of work. As I was leaving they were scheduling me for when the fillings could be done. The soonest was an entire month away! And the first date available happened to be one I'm already booked on, so it was going to be even later than that! I literally started praying for an opening as soon as possible as soon as I left the office door! Then, as we were eating dinner last night the dentist office called and asked if I could be seen today at noon, that there was an opening then. I jumped at the chance, at this point being agitated with the sting on the tip of my tongue I wasn't going to say no no matter what time it was, so long as it was sooner.
As I was waiting for the dentist to come in the room I glanced around the room. On the wall nearest the door was the days schedule, and that time slot was blacked out as his lunch time. As best I can tell he took an early lunch if their was a cancellation before his lunch, but my guess is he sacrificed for me and squeezed me in. He was very polite and friendly, but I heard him quietly burp a few times during the 40 minutes he was working on my mouth, and his stomach was making all sorts of sounds. It reminded me of my retail days when I'd have 15 minutes for a break and had to cram down my lunch quickly. I believe he ate as fast as he could to fit me in between appointments. When he was done he thanked me for being available so quickly, and I said I was just thankful to be seen so quickly! He said, well, I felt bad sending you off with a broken tooth yesterday and I'm glad we could fit you in sooner. To me that pretty much told me what I was already speculating, that he squeezed me in for my comfort, knowing a month would be far too long of a wait. If I'm right, I'm thankful for his sacrifice of indigestion to put my comfort before his! If I'm wrong in my speculations, I'm just thankful that my unexpected need was unexpectedly fixed so expediently!

Since I'm blogging, I should probably mention now that my dropping out of NaBloPoMo back in November was a much needed thing. I honestly thought it would be fun to push myself to write daily, but I ended up finding it didn't allow for the natural flow of my creativity. Some people can write under pressure, I'm not one of them. Which may squash my dreams of being a published author someday, but I'm not going to dwell on that.

By mid November I was in a frenzy trying to prepare the house for my families Thanksgiving visit. And then before they even left I was off to Montana to be with my cousin and her family for a few weeks before Christmas because she just had a baby and named Kevin and I God-parents. So now we have a second God-son, and it was a joy to help them transition to their new life as a family of 4 and to spend so much time with a newborn! Kevin joined me for the last week. He rode out on the train. Our friend (and great author) Tricia Goyer picked Kevin up from the train station, had him hang out at their place for a bit, and then dropped him off on the bus to catch the last leg of his trip. Then he rode back with me in our truck. We're thankful for Tricia's kindness as it really helped us save on the trip, and I know it was a nice break for Kevin to be with friends on the way out.

At Christmas we were in Oregon visiting Kevin's family and so we were literally home only a couple days before leaving again. By the time all my traveling was done, it seemed like I hadn't been home for over a month, and as a result many of my personal routines didn't happen, including blogging. But I'll gladly trade my simple daily routines for time with all those family members again!

So, hopefully I'll be able to blog again a bit more regularly, and work on some of the topics I started rough drafting back in October. I'm excited for what this new year holds, and amazed that a month and a half is already gone! I guess unpacking and catching up on doctors appointments and so on has just really kept me busy. I still plan on editing my photos from Thanksgiving and since and posting some, but for now I need a nap. I started the week only expecting to visit my aunt and get my hair trimmed, and now I've had something every day. And tomorrow is grocery day so I don't even get a break tomorrow. I'm sure their are plenty who have errands and jobs everyday, but for me this has been a big deal. I'm thankful I've had the endurance to keep going all week, and I know that's a gift from God. I did have a hard time getting out of bed today, so in the interest of not building up a huge sleep debt and running out of spoons for the weekend I'm going to nap until hubby gets home, and save the phone calls for tomorrow.

Just a quick update.

The outpouring of love and support I got both on here and on Facebook, as well as at church in regards to my last post has been truly encouraging. A big thank you to everyone who is stepping forward and helping out.

As an update. I have been on anti-depressants, as a treatment for fibromyalgia, for about a week and a half. Kevin has noticed a big difference in my ability to do things and said he's heard less comments about pain and stiffness. I'm still dealing with a lot. And seems like I'm dealing with more cramps. Particularly in my feet and knees. But overall I do think I'm fairing a bit better.

Over the holiday weekend Kevin and I worked in the front yard and got most of the berry bramble chopped down. We have a mountain of bramble in the middle of the yard now. There is still much yard-work that needs to be done, but that was a huge part of it all. I felt very accomplished because I worked along side Kevin for much of the time!

On an almost completely different topic, the following link takes you to a video from AccuWeather that debunks global warming (in California wildfires.) and actually shows that we're in a trend of cooling for the next couple decades. I know I've changed this blog to be about illness and faith, but this is one topic that still seems relevant to me here since weather greatly effects my symptoms. Winter months are often rough for me. And if this does play out, as Farmers Almanac also claims, it'll mean that I need to plan ahead better for the foreseeable future as to how to stay warm, and what I need to do to manage pain.

I think that's about it. I am looking at the info about global cooling and more snowy winters here in the PNW as a cautionary warning but not something I'll be really alarmed about. I have hope that this new diagnosis and new treatment will help me cope better this winter than in the last couple winters. Even still, I think I may need to invest in an electric blanket this winter! ;0)

I have rubber bands around my knees & my feet still are lead balloons. But I'm thankful for the HOPE I have in Christ.

It really does feel as though I have rubber bands around my knees & my feet are lead filled balloons. This stifling heat-wave here in the Pacific Northwest is doing nothing to help my already swollen limbs full of edema. While these things certainly are trying they do not consume me, for I'm thankful because of the HOPE I have in Christ.

Job 2:10b says: Shall we receive good from God, & shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Job was enduring many trials, tests, & afflictions & yet he stood true to his faith knowing that the God who created this world with both good & bad would ultimately still be worthy of praise no matter what it was that Job had to live through. Through the book of Job we see him question why, but not rebuke God. In the end of the book we see that God richly rewarded Job, & that in the end Job's faith in God grew, as did his heart of thankfulness to God.

It's fine & good to focus on having a thankful heart. But if you are hurting or dealing with a burden it does no good to ignore it forcing yourself to only think thankful thoughts. Keeping quite can prevent others from knowing what to pray about with you or keeping them from doing God's will by helping to meet your needs.

In Matt. 25:43-45 Jesus says: 'I was a stranger & you did not welcome me, naked & you did not clothe me, sick & in prison & you did not visit me.' Then they also will answer, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, & did not minister to you?' Then he will answer them, saying, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.'

If we tell people to not speak up how can we do as scripture says and bare each-others burdens? (Galatians 6:1-3)

I find GREAT COMFORT & HOPE when reading the promises in scripture. I will be honest and open and say when I am dealing with a great deal of discomfort or other burdens because I know I have a great circle of prayer warriors and lending hands around me

2 Corinthians 4:7-18
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, "I believed, and so I spoke," we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Romans 5:3-5
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

where am I?

Between us taking classes, and how weird the weather has been I just haven't had as much computer time.

For the longest time we had tons and tons of snow. When we went out on Christmas the snow was up to my knees! In many places a good 2 feet too! Then we got all sorts of rain last week, and a lot of places here flooded. Our single road out was flooded for a few days, and that's one of the many reasons I wasn't on-line much, because Kevin had to use the computer to work from home those days, and trying to get much of anything done on the older computers is a real joke.

We missed several Sunday's of church because the snow was impassable and then the water, we were thankful to make it this Sunday. There is still water over the road, but we can drive through it fine with the truck. Again, we are thankful that we splurged a few years ago and bought me a truck instead of a different kind of vehicle, it has continued to serve us in so many ways only a truck can!

Anyway, classes are OK, but LONG. we'll be glad when they're done. I guess not all classes can be an enjoyable challenge, but at least getting these done will be a good accomplishment. They will be all month, for the ones we're currently signed up for.

I have pictures from the massive snow, and the flooding a week and a half later. I'm not being lazy, I just don't have the time to post. I'll try to, but if I don't, just know it was a LOT of snow, and then a whole LOT of water.

Snohomish is pretty bad as some levees broke and almost all of Snohomish farmland is under water. The fairgrounds have been opened up as a temporary housing option for all the displaced farm animals. I'm thankful I'm up river of any of that! Our town actually faired real well this time.

Not really anything else to mention. I really don't feel into blogging these days. Not much has seemed to make the effort feel worth it.

Thanksgiving for my burdens.

Today has been a very different Thanksgiving for us. It's the second time we've had Thanksgiving just the two of us. It's somber. But peaceful and nice. I made a big spread, Kevin praised me again for my cooking skills. I honestly don't know how I did it other than God saying "Now is a time to feast and give thanks!" My arthritis pain has been unbearable! And amazingly the only thing I burned was a tablespoon of butter as I was getting it melted to make apple crisp for dessert.

I still have a pretty nasty cold. I was amazed I was able to enjoy as much food as I did. As I sat eating with the love of my life, my hips and back were quickly making it such that I thought I wasn't going to make it through the whole meal. Amazingly I did. I sat and ate with my love, and talked and just enjoyed each other. It was really nice, aside from the pain. By the time I took my last bite I had to get up and start moving. I paced the kitchen, getting various things to pack up the bounty of leftovers. Someday I'll learn to make Thanksgiving dinner for two, but I've yet to figure out how to get the recipes right to do that, so I made way too much, at least I won't have to cook for the rest of the weekend!


Here was our menu:

For the meal:
Spiced apple cider Black Forrest ham with grated apple
Stuffing stuffed chicken breast
Cornbread stuffing with sauteed baby portabella mushrooms, celery, and onions
Cranberry jelly
A HUGE salad with every leafy green imaginable (OK, actually pretty much every veggie I could get in the store)
Baked mashed potatoes with garlic and bacon
Baked yams (with marshmallows, for Kevin)
Chicken gravy
Black olives

To drink:
Sparkling apple cider
Ice water

For dessert:
Traditional Creme Brulee
Apple Crisp



Quite a spread for just two people. And I'm thankful we were able to do that. We were among the crowds of people doing last minute meal shopping yesterday. We decided to do a Chicken breast instead of a turkey simply because it would have been way too much. I still bought a turkey however. It's in the deep freeze right now, so we can have it whenever. I bought the turkey even knowing we weren't going to have it today because there was a deal at the store; the ham, turkey, a sack of potatoes, and several other things, were all for a package deal at $20. I couldn't pass that up! So I have a whole turkey in the freezer! It feels silly, but it's good knowing I'm able to put food by after all this too.



And now to share what I've reflected on today while giving thanks:

I'm thankful for Kevin's job, that provides for us.
I'm thankful for health care, doctors, and modern medicine; all of which are helping me deal with arthritis at 29.
I'm thankful for the house that we have, and the home we keep for ourselves inside.
I'm thankful for my friends who pray for and encourage me.
I'm thankful For my church family, who is there for us so much, teaches us so much, and is sad for me on the Sunday's I'm too sick to make it to church or other events.
I'm grateful for the many gifts and blessings we've been given recently.
I enjoy the beautiful pictures I've both received and been in, nice memories to look at and reflect on.
I am blessed grateful and thankful that I'm able to be a housewife, and not needed to work outside the home; affording me the time I need to rest, and still get done the most critical things around home.
I'm thankful for real servants of Christ who help us with the upkeep of our home.
I'm thankful I have a cane, and soon a walker... these thing keep me moving!
I'm thankful for the days I don't need my cane or anything else.
I'm thankful for my cats, who remind me to rest, and love simply.
I'm thankful for the internet, and computers, and other various ways of keeping up to date and in touch with those I love.
I'm grateful for the simple life that we have.
I'm thankful for my husband, the love of my life. He is my constant help-mate, lover, nurse, and friend.
Most of all these, thanks are given to my loving God who continues to protect me and provide for our REAL needs. Who died for my sins giving me and all who are willing to believe salvation. We don't deserve any of it, and yet He continues to preserve and tend to those He's called out as His.

In closing, I want to share that I have been very run down for about 2 months straight. The cold and flu season is really hard for me even when I'm not on immuno-suppressive, but with treating my arthritis, my immune system takes a hit, and that's why I've been sick for so long. I get over one cold, just in time to catch the next one going around. Hopefully after this cold I'll be able to stay well long enough (a week) to finally take an injection. This is my HUGE prayer request right now. I know it makes me vulnerable again to any other colds going around, but honestly, after 4, you'd think that'd be it for this winter, right? I really want to inject because my arthritis is spiraling out of control. If I don't inject soon I'll need to go on steroids again because I can hardly rotate my back at all, believe me, that makes daily life tough. I don't want to go on steroids again, I don't like what it does to me. So my hope, and plan, and prayer is to get over this cold soon, stay well enough for a week, and then to inject and hopefully get my body moving again.

To all my fellow Chronic Pain readers, the following passage has truly been giving me lots of hope lately. I'm trying to keep it top of mind since my physical body is such a burden to me.

2 Corinthians 4:7-18

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, "I believed, and so I spoke," we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase THANKSGIVING, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

I felt a little earthquake!

OK, so a few minutes ago I felt one very quick light jolt. I wasn't sure if it was lightning rumbling or an earthquake, so I went to the USGS site and saw that one was just reported in Sultan at the time I felt it! Yikes! The computers report it was a magnitude 2.4, so fairly light. I didn't see anything move at all. Seemed like barely anything. I don't think Kevin noticed it, he just kept on snoring. I'm guessing anyone who was asleep slept right through it because it was so quick and light.

Earthquakes always seems so strange to me. The crazy thing to me is how easily I feel these light quakes. I felt one almost a year ago that was even lighter.

I'm grateful it's like this, just nothing really, but it makes me wonder if I'll ever feel a very big quake here...

I saw (and felt!) some of the horrors of the '89 quake in Northern California, and every little quake I've ever felt since has reminded me to be grateful that I haven't had to deal with such a quake again. But it always leaves me wondering too. I may not be in California anymore, but I am still near the Pacific Coast. I'm grateful for God's protection.

God knows what He's doing - So true!

Often times I come into discussions with people who want to pray away my arthritis or infertility. As if these issues are simply a weakness of faith, and they can fix it. This saddens me. Not the question of faith (though that has it's own issues) but because it limits God, His will, and His plans.

I would love to rid myself of these burdens, but intellectually I know that this is my body, my make up and my issues to deal with. Intellectually I know there are medical steps I can take to care for and manage my diseases, and I know my doctors have my best care in their interest.

Chronic disease and illness and infertility are all things that non-believers deal with too. These health issues are something that alienates and frustrates, even depresses. Who is going to reach out to such a person? To help them find grace and hope in Him? Someone who leaves them with broken promises and an accusation of not having enough faith to heal themselves? No, I think the people who might reach those people are the ones who know the depths of that despair and yet still have some hope in something. In God.

I want a normal life again, I want to have a day go by where I'm not limited with daily back pain and fatigue, and sleep issues and all the rest of the things I complain about, but if I didn't have these things, would I still have that connection with others? Would my story matter to them as much?

Now I'm not saying I have a track record of saving souls through my illnesses, I honestly have no idea if there are people out there seeking God because of my words, but, I have hope that I am doing His will, and that as a result others would see God's grace through me. I do know that people listen and internalize though, and that maybe they might not make a change of heart at this moment, but maybe it plants seeds and from there growth and spiritual healing begins, and isn't spiritual healing more important than any earthly physical healing?

Sometimes I hear people say God doesn't desire struggles and sadness for His children, but I struggle with accepting that at the same time as knowing there is an entire book, the book of Job, where God allows so many things to happen to Job. I am not saying I am Job, but I am saying that the Word does show us examples of God allowing His faithful to endure horrific things. And in the end is what matters. In the end of Job's story he has a deeper understanding of the awesomeness of God, he has a greater appreciation of the gifts he receives from God, and his testimony of faith grows from it. What an amazing legacy! And all through suffering.

Our pastor recently wrapped up a sermon series on the book of Job, and the whole thing was very much an encouragement to me. Even though the sermons have now switched gears to the book of John, God is still having me examine Job's story... Yesterday I made a new online friend who also has Ankylosing Spondylitis. It was so encouraging to see another sister in Christ dealing with the same issues as me. I'd never wish this on anyone, but knowing I'm not walking this road alone was a great encouragement! Still thinking about Job, while rejoicing over this new friendship, I opened my blog feeds to see a new post from her, and it was on none other than this very topic! Amazing how God is laying the same Word on our hearts!

After I read her post the ending stood out to me quite a bit.

God owes no one anything. No reasons. No explanations. Nothing. If he gave them, we couldn’t understand them. God is God. He knows what he is doing. When you can’t trace his hand, trust his heart.

Please read her post as a whole, but I had to share that part because it's so true. If God heals me of this disease and/or gives me children that is only out of His goodness, grace, mercy, and would truly be a gift. But I can't be envious of not having that gift. Just because it's possible doesn't mean it's intended for me. I may have far greater gifts and blessings in my future that I can't understand now... Having an entire book in the #1 read book in all the world certainly would be a huge treasure, but I seriously doubt Job had any idea of that as he endured his sufferings.

I firmly believe there is a purpose for me being at home, sitting on the net in my PJ's, making connections with others on this road and praying for and with them about these things. This will not change the fact that I have days like yesterday where all I could muster was to text my hubby to pick up pizza on his way home. Or the times when the chemical issues of my illnesses cause me depression, but what does change is how I get through it all, that while things feel overwhelming on a constant basis I still have my hope and faith in Christ. I still trust that a day will come when His believers are taken to a new life, a heavenly life. I so look forward to that day! I hope my journey encourages others to find such a hope for themselves as well.

I'm so thankful for this new friendship. The isolation has felt overwhelming, and as I was going through her blog I was reading things that I swore I've written myself. There is a sense of camaraderie there, that isn't found elsewhere. And I can't think of many other causes or reasons that would bring a new friendship together between to different people on opposite ends of the states together other than God and His amazing gifts. The internet is a powerful tool, and I'm blessed that when I prayerfully use it, God uses it with me to my benefit.

I've also been focusing on Romans 5:1-5 (ESV) My dear friend Dana brought it back to my attention recently and I am seeing it with a greater understanding this time. Dana is also a blessing of friendship that God has blessed me with. She also struggles with her infertility, and yet continues to find her hope and faith in Him. Her openness, honesty, and candid reflections of her journey blesses me. I've often meditated on Romans 5:1-5, but have found now that I've missed a major part of it.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

The part I have been missing is the journey. It's so easy to see the gifts in this passage and say "Yes, Lord! I claim this for me! Give me!" But there is a reason this passage lays out a journey. You don't get instantly teleported from sufferings to hope, there's mile markers along the way, there is endurance, and character, and then, finally we get to hope. I see how in other parts of my life and spiritual walk I've arrived at hope, but I see that in this particular journey I'm still somewhere between suffering and endurance. I see too that the times I've made this journey have given me the roadmap to hope on this particular trek, for that I am thankful. The peace I have through faith is how I am reminded of this. It's were I've seen my past sufferings grow me to the point I am now, and equipping me with the understanding that "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings!" because only by dealing with suffering can I walk the path of endurance, character and hope.

Another blog post I cam across that follows in this thread is here, for those of you who want to read this topic further now.

No real news

I haven't had anything to post mainly because this physical therapy stuff is sucking the life out of me! That and arthritis...

When Kevin and I got back from California we both had colds, and I only just got over mine almost a week ago. Because my medication for arthritis is an immune-suppressive I can't take it when I'm sick, or I risk getting pneumonia or an upper respiratory infection. So I just had my shot last night. Normally it's every two weeks, but that was 5 weeks since my last shot. So of course my arthritis flared up. Monday after PT I slept for 4 hours in the middle of the day, followed by sleeping for 12 hours that night! And today I had PT too, and feel again like I want to skip lunch and just sleep. My body says "Please let me repair!"

Today was the absolute most painful. So much sharp pain in my left hip, and virtually no range of motion. My PT was concerned, but said it was my flair up and for me to just do as much as I could.

Amazingly I was able to ride the bike for twice as long as on Monday, but it still was only 8 minutes and then both my hips started popping and making snapping sounds. I think the most painful was massage and ice. Both of those I felt like I could barely move after. I think next week I will bring my cane just in case. I haven't yet, but progressively I've been feeling less mobile instead of more... Which bums me out because Mica, her kids, Kevin and I are camping tomorrow night through Saturday morning and I really want to enjoy being out. I guess I'll need to pack my cane for camp. After icing today I could only shuffle out of the clinic, it was kind of depressing. I'm still hoping that this is just more pain on the way to progress. It isn't the same kind of pain like warm muscles after a workout, it's stiffness and tenderness.

I also woke up yesterday with a charlie horse in my right leg. I haven't woke up from one of those in a while, I'd say that says the shots have been working in that department, and that this crept up since I've been off them a few weeks. Another sign I'm dealing with a flair up I guess.

Just sitting in a chair is a lot of pain right now, so I don't think I'll type too much longer. I need to get a nap.

Changing gears...

I'm so happy to have recently gotten back in touch with some long lost dear friends. Sarah Dougherty, (Now S.J.D. Korel,) I was able to find her on Facebook! I haven't seen or talked to her since I lived in Colorado. It has been good catching up with her!

I also found David Kaiser! YEARS have gone by since we last talked. I won't mention how I found him out of privacy for his family, but finding this dear friend has also told me many things to pray about for him and his family.

Topic change again (I'm feeling like a distractible butterfly today!)

Kevin is way over stressed these days. 'Back to school time' always means there is SO much work for him as all the schools work to get the products back online for a new school year, and also activations of new accounts. It's strange to see him stressed. He's such a mellow guy, but there definitely is more work right now. On friday he worked 13 hours! I wasn't too happy about that. I ended up driving out to his work and waiting for him another 45 minutes to take him out to dinner since he wasn't going to get home at a decent dinner hour. I wasted my time there playing on-line video games as I waited. I really hope things start to taper back to normal for him.

Well, I have only have 368 days left of being 20something... Is this supposed to be a big deal? At the moment I'm just hoping that when Saturday happens that I'm not feeling like I do now. I'd like to have nice memories of my birthday. I guess I'm kind of fearing my birthday in one sense... I always hear some kind of horrible news on my birthday. I wont list it out as some of them really kind of depress me, but it's always something. I guess I'm just wishing that for that day it could be like it is in childhood, something so special that there would at least be some kind of hedge of protection about me now too. That special day that makes me feel good. Why can't we have that in adulthood too?

There are some other things holding me distracted, but I'd rather not blog about them. I'm starting to feel again like I'm neglecting my blog, but on the other had I don't want to feel obligated to write, I just want to write when it seems right. If that makes any sense. I guess some of that is what I was getting at in my tightening my circle post... I'm not cutting myself off, I'm just not sure what I want to share.

I'm still brainstorming my handicaps post I want to make. Sunday afternoon Kevin and I went to see The Mummy 3. I loved it, then again seeing Brendan Fraser topless was certainly yummy enough for me to watch it over and over again. I know, I'm a bad girl for that, Kevin knows I've had a crush on Brendan for ages... And I let him watch Jennifer Connelly movies knowing he crushes on her. ANYWAY, big distraction there... So we went to the movies. After the movie I went to the ladies room, and as I strolled into the handicapped stale I noticed some women staring daggers at me! This is something I've dealt with before. I've noticed that all too often people don't think someone needs a handicap stall if they can just walk into it. But I do use the handles to get up and down. While I can still, praise God, walk, I do have limitations to my mobility. But people can't see that all the time. And there is this perception of just being lazy or whatever that I haven't quite figured out either. I've seen people give offended looks like I should only use that stall if I'm in a chair, and maybe that will be so someday, but I'm not going to put myself in a chair any sooner than I have to just so people stop staring. And they won't anyway... I felt like such a spectacle when I was in a chair at the airport. But I'm so grateful for the service. I know I wouldn't have been able to walk that much and still feel good. It really helped me. I still hurt after the trip because sitting for the whole flight is never good on my hips either. I just really shouldn't fly unless it's the only option, (though it feels like it with the price of gas. At least that's improved some.) But at the airport I felt all eyes on me as I'd stand to get up out of the chair to pass through security. I truly think people don't understand physical limitations, like handicapped can only be if you are paralyzed or something. Stigmas are everywhere, it just makes me feel worse. I know after the return flight I felt super depressed. I don't know anyone else in there 20's who is dealing with this, so I end up feeling an alienation I can't quite explain.

I mostly feel bad for Kevin with all this. He certainly is living up to his vow of 'in sickness and in health'. I just wish I had more times of 'in health' to give him. He has so much extra he has to do because of me. He goes to work and then often comes home and works on clothes or dishes, simply because I can't ever seem to get it all done. He's amazing. He doesn't get mad at me for my limitations, and often pampers me even when I don't completely need it. I'm grateful for the love and caring he gives me.

I don't know why I'm writing or what I'm writing about. I guess I'll end for now, I can't think of anything else to write about. I'll probably not post until after my birthday trip, simply because tonight we need to pack and while we're gone I won't be sitting near a computer.

I guess one last thing I'll mention is I'm so thankful we're back to the grey rainy weather! The heat last week was unbearable. I love the cool rain and the dramatic skies, I'm so glad that has returned! The heat fatigue was making all my muscles spasm, and sometimes I hate spasms more than stiffness. It just feels so creepy to me. I'm glad that's over for now. So that's all for now.

Just remember I love you.

Yesterday, when I was in the bathroom I noticed that the shower radio was still hanging from my jewelry dresser. See, it's been there since Tony-cat's last couple days. When we had him quarantined in the bathroom, we left a radio on for him, so he wouldn't be so stressed when we weren't in there to soothe him. Anyway, I got curious wondering what station it was left on. We haven't used it since then. I didn't quite catch the station, and I remembered it was one I wasn't familiar with since it was like the only calm one we could get on the tiny radio (since we're so out in the middle of no where.)

I was only able to listen to the last part of the song that was on when I turned it on, I had to turn it back off. But what I heard seemed so sweet, even if it isn't my musical taste.

Looking things up today, it's a song called "Just Remember I love you" by Firefall.

The following lyrics are all I caught, and with thoughts of Tony cat it just brought tears to my eyes...

"When the blues come cryin' at the break of dawn
When the rain keeps fallin' but the rainbow's gone
When you feel like cryin' but the tears won't come
Then your dreams are dyin' when you're on the run

Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
Just remember I love you
More than I can say
Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all right"

The song is uplifting. While I was looking for it today, I also came across this fan video and thought that bringing Jesus into the song is very appropriate, I don't know if that was the original intent, but hearing the portion of the song at the same time as I was reflecting on my loss of my dear cat, it did feel like a sweet God given gift.



We had a relaxing memorial day. I did remember others, not just my cat, but that story was one I wanted to share. We didn't do too much. It turned out to be kind of a movie day. We bought discounted movie tickets from Kevin's work a week or so ago. We saw both Prince Caspian (Narnia 2)
And the latest Indiana Jones movie (Indiana Jones and the crystal skull) I think we both liked Prince Caspian better. But Indiana Jones wasn't bad. I thought they did a good job reviving the roll, and adding Shia LaBouf to the cast was great. The ending was the only thing that seemed weird to us. But it doesn't ruin it.

We weren't sure what to think about Prince Caspian going in, we heard comments that it wasn't very close to the book. It seemed fine to us though. We noticed parts that were missing, but not much that was needlessly added, seemed like a gem of a movie and I loved the music. I hope to get the soundtrack as well as the DVD when it comes out.

After spending the day at the theater we went to Target and got a few new DVD's too. One of the sets we picked up is a Bruce Willis triple pack. We then watched Mercury Rising when we got home. Lazy day, but a nice short vacation.

I hope everyone else had a peaceful memorial day and had a pause to remember those they've loved and those that have served.

Thankful Thursday

Iris at Sting my Heart has a weekly Thankful Thursday blog event. Click on the image to be taken to this weeks post and to participate yourself.

Here are the things I'm thankful for this week:

I am thankful for my friendships, they encourage me to be myself, but also to be who God calls me to be.

I am thankful that it's gone back to being a mild late spring, early summer kind of weather. The heat we had a few days ago was unbearable. I love the cooler weather in my state. I don't ever want to move again.

I'm thankful both our vehicles have cruise control. This may seem silly, and a bit of a reliance on a modern device, but between driving for our California trip, doing errands, and going to doctor appointments, I've been driving A LOT this month. With how sore my hips (arthritis) are all the time I've gotten to the point where I'll drive using the steering wheel alone. Set cruise control and do any slowing and accelerating with the buttons on the wheel. Since we live out in the country I don't really have the traffic to make driving like that dangerous. And I do keep my feet still near the break but the ability to not have to be moving my feet so much really helps my hip not hurt so bad on all those long drives.

I'm thankful that the summer season is starting at Kevin's work. Hopefully for a couple months now things will be a bit less hectic for him at work, until August and the start of the new school year.

I'm thankful that we have our reservation for a camping cabin for my birthday weekend. It'll be a wonderful peaceful time of friendship and nature. I know my birthday isn't for several months, but with it being in late August I know campsites tend to fill up quick.

I'm thankful that tomorrow Kevin has a half day at work and that we are planning on going to see a matinee showing of the new Narnia movie. I'm also thankful that we can get discounted movie tickets from his work. And that I'll have monday with Kevin too!

I'm thankful that Mica and I have plans to hang out in Monroe on Saturday. I treasure our girl times.

I'm thankful the grass outside is green, it may be way beyond needing to be mowed, but it's still pretty and healthy.

I'm thankful for the food in my fridge and how well we were able to load up on groceries this last shopping trip. So much of what we need was on special so we got a good portion of our shopping list this time.

I'm thankful for my latest Etsy sale and the requests I've had to make more purses for my shop.

I'm thankful for my cats, who remind me to take life slow. They're loving companionship is so sweet. I love how eager Siggy is to snuggle with me in the morning, and how interested Maddie pretends to be with the news when I sit down to the couch in the afternoon. These fuzzballs hold a special place in my heart.

I'm thankful for my husband. He provides for me and tries to keep me happy. He does so much, and then, often he comes home to help more, and I'm grateful for what all he gives since I'm still learning to work past my limitations.

I'm thankful for my doctors, none of them have told me to give up on our dreams to try to conceive. They've been honest with me, telling me all the things I have going against me, but they continue to work towards what is best for me. I may begrudge going to so many appointments all the time, but I do know I'm being taken care of. My hands and feet are already doing a bit better. I have to hope that my doctor is right and in the next half a year we can get my hips and back to be in the same kind of progress.

I'm thankful for blogging. I've moved too many times in my life to stay near many friends, and with this fun option, I'm able to keep in contact when I have time, not be sitting on the phone all the time, and giving myself the time I need to take care of appointments and things around the home. I'm also thankful for the encouraging testimonies of faith, and uplifting stories others share on their blogs, they lift me up and remind me that my life should be focused on God and He will bless me.

I'm thankful for having arthritis in my spine/hips, and for having cysts on my ovaries. Really, If I didn't have to deal with these issues, there are so many people I never would have met. People who have been a blessing to me, and people who, I hope through Christ, I've been able to bless. I may not be able to understand why I have to deal with these things day in and day out, I may get taxed beyond rational thinking, and I may feel overwhelmed by what all I have to deal with, but on my good days I can see the relationships I wouldn't have in any other way, and how those growing friendships are an encouragement. I'm also learning that my home doesn't have to be perfect, just peaceful. As long as we can function that's all that really matters. God doesn't expect me to have a showcase home, He does expect me to live for Him though.

I'm thankful for modern medicine. I may have a bruise on my belly from my latest injection, but I know this is an advantage that generations before me didn't have, and that it has helped some, and will continue to help. I'm thankful for the medications that help control my blood sugar, and the medications that we will soon start to keep my hormones in proper balance. All advantages that we wouldn't have if we lived in a different era.

I'm thankful for my church family. While we were away it effected us both to not be in the peaceful, loving, and supportive community of our church. It made the weight of the world weigh heavier on us. It was such a blessing on Sunday to not only spend the morning at church with our church family, but to then spend the evening with church family at our friends house too. It really recharged us and blessed us.

I'm thankful for weekly actives like this for blogging. Often, if I don't have a topic, I'm not sure what to write about, this gives me focus and a purpose in what I write, and with the focus being on thanks, I hope my reflections show my love and thanks for my Lord and Savior, as I share the blessings He has blessed me with this week.

Three titles could go here.

I couldn't decide if I should focus on finding out about PCOS issues from my rheumatologist, or if I should focus on knowing that as far as my RA meds go, I've had them out of me enough to TTC, now I need to get my inflammation levels DOWN, something I've been struggling for ever since I started being treated for arthritis. BUT! WONDERFUL NEWS! I don't have to scrimp and save and only use Voltaren when I'm beyond desperate anymore. See, I was introduced to it several years ago when I was in Czech and found it to work for me amazingly well. My dear grandma has kindly provided me with tubes which I try to conserve, but wish I could have it as a regular prescription here. Well, after years of waiting the FDA finally released the cream form for use here in the states! YAY! My NP and MD said I'm the first to get it from them, they gave me a trial tube, so now I'm keeping one in my purse, and they gave me a generous prescription for this wonder cream! I went to get it filled and the pharmacist told me I was the first person he's filled it for and that the pharmacy only had one tube, so I'd have to come back in a day or so for the second tube I was supposed to get. But all this made me feel cool! FINALLY! I know this stuff works for me, so hopefully between that, and having a more rigid schedule with my oral anti-inflammatory meds I can get my sed rate down enough to get the go ahead from my RA MD to call the GYN MD and make the plans to TTC. It's feeling better! There is some hope here! At least from the RA end.



Now, as far as my arthritis goes, the Osteoarthritis in my hips is so minimal it shouldn't interfere with a pregnancy, my hips should still be able to handle it all. As far as the results that the SI joints looked fine on the MRI scans, the doctor, nurse and I all agree that it doesn't rule out spondylorathropy because of the symptoms I have, and that it's very common for nothing to show for the first couple years. And that also makes sense because when we first checked my hips we saw nothing, and then recently the OA was visible. I've read this to be common for many others on various blogs and message boards too.

The MRI results were even more of a mixed bag than I thought by reading the letter I received initially. So we still suspect Rheumatoid Spondylitis, found out additionally about OA, AND with talking with the nurse they found cysts on my ovaries. So I'm sure the gynecologist will want those to clear up first, or they may prevent my cycles from happening properly enough to TTC. I was slightly crushed to know the MRI inadvertently showed cysts, but not surprised, I mean it is a part of poly cystic ovary syndrome, and I've known I've had that for years. I guess now I need to pray that my hormones will improve. I know it's keeping my depression active, as well as making my blood sugar fluctuate a lot. I haven't been tolerating my full dose of metphormine so I haven't been taking as much as I'm prescribed, but it looks now that I need to suck up the unpleasantness and go back to the full dose so I can get my PCOS better under control. It all seemed interesting to be talking about that at the RA office. But I felt like my nurse and doctor were knowledgeable enough to treat me well then.

The visit there was over an hour! The nurse is a new one, the gal I was working with isn't there anymore it seems, and the new nurse seems to be just as good in my opinion. She took time to get all the details I could give her, and she gave me a wealth of information! I ended up visiting with the doctor as well in regards to the whole TTC while on certain meds issue. We're hoping that if I can get my inflammation down again that I can also get off the bio-logic injections, they can cause birth defect. So if the time comes that the Gyn gives the go ahead to TTC but my sed. rate is still too high I'll have to go back on prednisone. We're all hoping that I wouldn't need to, I gained 20 pounds the last time. I was able to loose it all after I was off it, but to gain weight while pregnant wouldn't be healthy either. Basically the issue is that if my total body inflammation continues to be an issue, my body stress would effect the growing babies body stress too, and that wouldn't be good. So, in the mean time I have my new cream, new plan on how to take my current meds, and referrals for both an orthopedic doc and physical therapist. I was bummed to find out the physical therapist in town doesn't take my insurance anymore, so hopefully there is someone in the next town that can or I'll be stuck driving to the city (Everett) for treatments.

OK, to recap...

* I still probably have diagnosis of Rheumatoid Spondylitis.
* I also have rheumatoid arthritis.
* I also have osteoarthritis.
* I also have cysts actively on my ovaries.

What a mixed bag. I pray the cysts pass on their own without issue. The one time I had one rupture it was so painful I finished the bottle of Vicoden from when I had oral work done. If any of these cysts decide to rupture, I'll be headed to the ER in the next town at the general hospital, I don't like that, they didn't take care of my father in law in a timely manner when we took him there a few years ago. He was/is fine, but we were put off by how slow it was. I guess it's the trade off of living out in the country. I do wonder if I'd really need the ER if the same as last time were to happen. I'd probably be OK to wait for daytime and go to the urgent care near Kevin's work, our doctor is there, but they don't have all the same resources. Well, I don't need to plan a course of action here, it's not always true that they rupture, the body can amazingly absorb them pretty well too, so I'm hoping that'll just be the more pleasant case. None of the cysts are so big as to require surgery (at least for now), for that I am grateful.

I was sent to get my hands x-rayed to make sure my RA isn't causing any damage there still. And with the visit taking over an hour it ended up being lunchtime when I was done there. Where all the medical places are in Bellevue there is only a Burger King and Whole Foods. I didn't want junk for lunch so I went to Whole Foods. OH MY GOODNESS! It is so expensive! I mean I've shopped at Whole Foods before, but it's been a while since that is the closest one and it's about an hour away. Anyway, 30 some dollars later and I had lunch, a couple reusable shopping bags and a reusable feminine pad, something I've been thinking of trying. I LOVE the shopping bags! We've been buying the reusable ones when we can because we're sick of always having to get rid of plastic bags, but we've found that the reusable ones that most stores sell end up starting to bust the seams after a few uses. I have several sitting by the sewing machine waiting for me to mend them. Anyway, the large ones I got from Whole Foods seem VERY sturdy, they're made with two layers of material so I think that will help too! I bought two bags, maybe in a few weeks at my next visit I'll pick up a few more.

I ended up being out so long that after I got my x-rays done it was almost time for Kevin to get off work. I called him, he called his car-pool buddy and I ended up being the one to give him a ride home. I sat in the parking lot at his work for about half an hour, which I totally loved. The day turned out so nice. It was cooling off as high clouds were rolling in, with the faintest amount of rain, and the birds were flying around and singing, I just sat and took it all in while I waited. It felt like such a blessed time of peace, a real gift from God, just for me!

After I picked Kevin up we went grocery shopping and home and dinner and bed, so I didn't get to work on my crafty things yet, but Tuesday is looking pretty calm so I think I'll work on things in the morning. I'll also check the veg starts and see if they revived from the rain after the heat, I know I did. If so I'll tend to them.

Well, I've had very little sleep lately, so I'll end here for now. I know I wrote a lot of abbreviations. But I think I covered them all in context, drop me a comment if something was confusing. Writing at 3 in the morning doesn't make me the most coherent.

So to recap, please pray about my cysts, right now those are going to be my biggest hurdle with trying to conceive. Please pray that I'll get my inflammation down enough, gain more mobility again, and that physical therapy will prove to be of help. It'll still be about 4 months according to the doctor before I'd expect to be able to move as freely again. It'll take time for physio to work. We hope that the OA won't continue to worsen and stay relatively about the same as it is now.

Well, I think I got out everything I needed to write about from the day. I'll head back to bed. I was sleeping well until the cat started to climb the screen so I had to wake up to kick him out of the bedroom. That woke me up enough to want water, and then the day started rattling in my brain so I thought I'd just get up and share, but now I'm ready to go back to bed.

Good night friends, and please pray with me. Thanks!

Today's daybook log.

FOR TODAY

Outside my Window...bright blue clear skies, promising another hot, early summer day.

I am thinking... about how I really should be getting ready to go to my doctors appointment this morning, but I'm trying to take a moment right now to take time to see what I need to get done today. My rheumatologist are going to review my MRI scans, figure out how many additional scans I need, and to hopefully for an action plan for treatment. I.E. physical therapy, massage therapy, etc.

I am thankful for...my amazing church family who continue to bless Kevin and I. While we were gone to California we missed two weeks of church, and we both realised it effected us both in a negative way. We spent ALL of yesterday in fellowship and it was SUCH A BLESSING! We went from church to my best friends house, and another family from church came too. We had so much conversation and prayer for each-other, it truly was powerful getting to know each other more, share with each other and know now from our time together just how to pray for each other. Truly an amazing time filled with God's love from God's family.

From the kitchen...these days cooking like I like to has continued to be a challenge. Because Kevin hasn't had enough sleep lately, and I can't stand for very long we're probably going to settle on baking potatoes and chicken, and make some veggies. I have to keep things simple, but my brain is going on different recipe ideas, so I think when I'm able to get around my kitchen better I'll be back to making much more interesting dinners.

I am creating...at the moment I've been working on a paper doll. I've kind of had to regroup my creative side. I hope to finish her and make a Gothic arch card as well later today and post them both later today. I also think I'll try and work on my cookbook some more. I can't believe how long this book is taking to write, but I do know that in the end I will have a wonderful resource and hopefully it will, Lord willing, sell well, for it's purpose, to help raise funds for either fertility treatment, or adoption expenses.

I am going...to the rheumatology clinic today. After I'll come home, take a nap, and then work on crafts.

I am wearing...capri jeans, sandals, and I haven't settled on a t-shirt or tank top yet today. Still in PJ's at the moment.

I am reading...too many different things to make a list. I'm hoping to get some information about osteoarthritis and what to do to slow the progression of deterioration, if possible.

I am hoping...for cooler days, the ability for my veg starts to spring back after this great heat, and for understanding to know how to deal with my limitations.

I am hearing...Food-network on the TV, I'm trying to watch the news less, but find I still feel a need to be hearing something while I'm spending time on-line.

Around the house...the cats are content, there are still a few bags I need to finish unpacking from our last trip, and our normal messiness. It's OK, with time things will improve.

One of my favorite things...is my piles of craft supplies, I can just sit and make... loosing myself and my worries in creating something pleasing to at least me.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... tend to the gardens, take the paper recycling to the dump, reclaiming the office space, and working on dishes. Also to remind Kevin to finish tending to the lawn. Upload photos from the California trip since I'm now able again to upload photos.

Here are two pictures I thought of sharing with you... They're a couple of photos my mom took on our trip in Napa Valley.

The first one is me and my husband at the spa that my grandma very generously paid for us to enjoy. We all had a wonderful time getting pampered together in a very peaceful secluded place. Golden Haven Spa in Calistoga, CA. It is actually an important place for Kevin and I too, we have been there once before. For our 5th anniversary. It was then that we realized God's call for us to move to Washington state on faith that there He would provide Kevin with the right job. Because of the peace and quite we were afforded during our first stay there we were able to really reflect on if this huge decision was right. We have been blessed by this choice, we have a wonderful church home, Kevin has a wonderful permanent full time job, we have a home that we feel we can grow in, and a peaceful community out in the country away from all the noise and distractions and pollution of city life. Our first stay at this place was the turning point for all of this, as well as focusing our needs on God's promise to provide for us. It was wonderful to enjoy this spot again and reflect on how far we've come since our last visit.



And then this next photo is of my dear grandma K and I in St. Helena, CA. We all went to the Cooking institute of America - Greystone and had a wonderful time with amazing food that we wouldn't normally eat.

My grandma is such a special person in my life. She is amazingly giving, without hesitation, blessing those she loves with her generosity. Kevin and I never could have afforded this trip, and it was wonderful to enjoy it with her, even if we were all tired from our travels to get there.

Grandma also lives with Rheumatoid arthritis. I don't blame her it was her genes that passed it to her too, I appreciate our conversations because I can learn so much from her. It actually is nice to me to have someone who can relate to my limitations and encourage me and show me how she's had to relearn to do things differently. My grandma and I have had a connection even before that that I've always treasured. I'm her first grandchild. Even though we are a couple generations apart we have some fun things in common. We love to read books, have a joy for cooking food we can be proud to serve, a love of dressing in black or dark colors, an appreciation for cultural dolls, and green thumbs that make keeping plants rewarding.

I'm so blessed to have Grandma as my grandma. I love the friendship we have.

A simple primer on Biblical giving.

Since Kevin and I have never had much in the way of finances we've always struggled with the concept of what God requires of us with our giving. We found the more we investigated the more the modern interpretation of giving 10% of all the cash that comes your way is NOT the biblical model for giving. It's not that we don't want to part with our money, we know many churches, ministries, and missionaries we wish we could support more, but when it comes to keeping food in the house verses strict giving (set by man) it ends up becoming a struggle. We've had to learn "new" ways to give. I invest much of my time listening to others and spending time in prayer, being a needed friend and hopefully reflecting God's love. Kevin devotes time to helping others with computer needs and technical support making learning and communicating with others easier and more effective. Sure these things may seem more social than tangible, but these are the gifts we have to give. And I don't think God thinks anything less about it. The issue isn't about giving an exact financial amount, but to give and do in honor of God to glorify Him and grow His Kingdom.

This video makes a very clear description in my opinion. I agrees with much of it and found this message encouraging. I've heard from many that they believe in Christ but because they can't give financially they can't bring themselves to find a church because they always seem to be preaching about giving money. I know for a while Kevin and I knew that struggle personally. I hope for anyone in that situation that you can find a church home that will meet your needs instead of trying to convince you that you need to somehow squeeze water from a rock. Yes, God makes things happen, God gives amazing blessings when we put our faith in Him, but a dangerous misunderstanding I think sometimes becomes an issue. Jesus came to save us from our inability to fulfill our obligations to keeping the law. This doesn't mean all goes out the window, but it does redefine a sense of grace into the equation. We are not going to be cursed for being light with financial giving, but we aren't to give up the action of giving either. The balance of a Bible based church should be just as focused on helping guide people to give as much as it should care for their sick, needy and widows. Please watch the video and let me know what you think.

Check out this video: To Tithe Or Not To Tithe?



Add to My Profile | More Videos

I'd also say 'the church" today in general needs to look at new ways of meeting this. Not all churches fail, you have the places that have at risk youth outreach ministries, food banks, mission trips to build homes and so on. These are the physical ways these things needs of giving can be met in other ways. A church that is wealthy in money but small in action does not seem to be a living ministry.

I'm not writing these things judging any one place. I love the church home I have and see it as a place honoring God. But because of the journey Kevin and I had been on to finally find our church home much of this was brought to our attention. I also feel the need to write along these lines because I know in various ways I DO need help. I need someone to help around the yard and the house, I need understanding people who'll know that if I don't make it to church it's not an issue of being lazy, but being sick in bed. For the most part I have these things, but to me personally it's been a growing experience of learning that some things don't need to be done (like making the bed in the morning), some things can wait (like getting the dishes cleaned), and some things just don't need my time (like keeping up with every and any latest and most popular T.V. shows.) I've learned that not everything that has to be done in this home has to be done by me, that spending time listening to others has more blessings than over-extending myself trying to keep a showroom clean home. Sure, I wish I could feel comfortable having others over, I wish things at home were more relaxing, but I'm also learning that as someone with daily limitations there is only so much I can do, and much of those things I burden myself with really aren't what matters in the bigger picture of things. If I were to die today I would hope the thing that people talked about weren't the dirty floors or the piles of crafts and papers, or laundry, but of a heart focused on God's will and an encouragement to them. I want to be an example of Christ not of Martha. I want people to see that even though I live with daily limitations and ailments that I still praise God for His saving grace and that others can see beyond this world because of my hope I share for my own life beyond this world.

Blessings In Christ,
Crystal

Angel - surprise thank you.

I 'angeled' a swap for a gal in Belgium who had been flaked on a couple of swaps by the same person who flaked on me for a swap. Basically angeling is the swap-bot term for taking it on yourself to fulfill a package for someone who didn't get anything.

I did it not expecting anything. She missed out on getting tea and a handmade ornament, that was both SUPER light to send so I did it, I always have that kind of stuff on hand so it barely cost me anything.

Well, she took it on herself to look at my profile and see what I like and she sent me a thank you package. So sweet! I really didn't expect or want anything in return, but it was so nice to get her gifts.

Thank you Kevin!

Kevin slaved over the HTML of my blog all day yesterday to clean up little issues and to re-do the layout such that my music player is on the top of the page now. He did a great job! Truly, thank you dear! I'm pleased that now if someone wants to turn off the music when they come to my page they can to it rather easily, instead of having to wait for the page to load and then scrolling all the way down. Kevin, thank you for making my page work a lot better.

Grandma's great! Gave me the money to paint!

Grandma & Grandpa, your kind generosity means so much to us! We picked up a few gallons of paint and primer, and we got the replacement fan to go inside the hood. Thank God my hubby knows how to repair electronics! I won't have to pay for an electrician to come do the job. Once I start getting some of the area cleaned more and the paint up I'll post pictures. The walls will be red (a color that is supposed to stimulate appetite and inspiration!) and the cabinets will be black with the faces antique white. I can hardly wait to get started! Now to just have more days where I feel human enough to stand long enough for the job...

So, Who wants to come for a clean and paint party at my place?! We pay in food! Pizza party? Snack buffet? Sandwiches?... Anyone?

Grandma, thank you too for the stamp albums! Now I can get a few more boxes put away! Yay!

Thanksgiving Recap

Here are pictures from our wonderful Thanksgiving day. Enjoy!






We had a wonderful thanksgiving with some dear friends of ours, the Garbarino's. Tony and Mica, and their kids Bri and Vinnie were wonderful hosts. We love them all dearly. We are so blessed to have such wonderful church family.


Kevin and Vinnie seemed to have loads of fun talking about video games, computers, programming and everything else in-between!




Mica and I shared the cooking. It was lots of fun.

Bri even put on her apron too!



The night before I baked a couple pumpkin pies. I wanted to use great aunt Blanche's pie shell recipe, but I can't find the wonderful stack of recipes that mom copied from grandma for me! I was upset about that. But I was determined to make homemade pies! So I finally found a decent bisquick recipe for pie shells and went from there. Neither the bisquick nor the pie recipe itself called for a pie crust shield. My intuition said it needed one, but with no instructions I went on without one. A few minutes in I realized I needed them, made some out of tin-foil and learned next time I make pie from scratch I need to invest in a real pie shield. I couldn't keep the pieces of foil from falling off. But the pies were yummy in the end, overdone crusts and all. I should also mention, I can never completely follow recipes, I have to make them mine in some way. I didn't have enough pumpkin puree to make the two pies, so I added a few ounces of applesauce and a spoon of vanilla bourbon. And I didn't have the specific spices it called for, so I instead used the cumulative ammount of spices for how much "pumpkin pie spice" blend to put in. It worked I think. The pies are now gone! ;-) I might make it again for Christmas... if I get some crust shields.






I also made Wassil. A great site for finding out more about it if you aren't familiar with it is here. You've probably sung songs at Christmas about going a Wassailing. Well, Wassail is a festive winter-time spiced apple cider, made with cloves and cinnamon, and various citrus fruit. I can't completely give away that recipe yet, as it will be in our cookbook!

Here we Come A-wassailing

Here we come a-wassailing
Among the leaves so green,
Here we come a wand'ring,
So fair to be seen.

Chorus

Love and joy come to you,
And to your wassail too,
And God bless you and send you a happy new year,
And God send you a happy new year.

We are not daily beggars
Who beg from door to door,
But we are neighbor's children
Whom you have seen before.

Chorus

We have a little purse
Made of ratching leather skin;
We want some of your small change
To line it well within.

Chorus

God bless the Master of this house,
Likewise the Mistress too;
And all the little children
That round the table go.



Chorus


If you want to try your hand at brewing a pot of Wassail you can see many varieties of it here.
I didn't put any alcohol in it as I was making it for the kids and adults alike, but maybe for Christmas I'll make one of the versions that calls for cream and vodka!




While our friend Tony was carving the Turkey I made him wear the Turkey Apron I got from the Thanksgiving Apron swap. We all had fun with that apron!



Bri gave us all a good laugh with her fun and energetic song and dance... And this was BEFORE we sat down to have pie! (check back for video!)

WassailSong.mid



Thanks for checking out our Thanksgiving,
and A BIG THANK YOU! to the Garbarino's for opening up your home to us to have such a wonderful time of food, fun, fellowship, and friendship!

Thankful Thursday

* Thankful that I finally found a decent price on kitty litter. Scoop-able clumping litter from the farm supply store is 40 pounds for $9!

* I'm thankful that I now have my own computer! Kevin's carpool buddy had one from work (they upgraded so they were giving them away) So we are finally a two computer (running, we have LOTS of computers) house again. And yes, this is a good thing to us.

* I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is coming up soon and that Kevin and I are going to have it with wonderful friends we love.

This seems like a short list so far... I might come up with more over the day. It's been hard to feel very thankful because I've been sick for a couple weeks, and money sucks. I hate how expensive groceries and gas are these days. But God is good and he won't let us be kept down for long.

Thankful Thursday

* I'm thankful that I can see snow on the mountains outside my window again.

* I'm thankful that my cats get along. Maddie is a funny little thing. She never really took a liking to Tony, but now that we have Siggy (adopted him after Tony passed away) she has become a much kinder cat.

* I'm thankful that my hubby has a carpool partner.

* I'm thankful both our vehicles work well.

* With the upcoming snowy/icy season I'm grateful that my truck has 4-wheel drive.

* I'm thankful for all my new blog friends I've made recently.

* I'm thankful Kevin is making a Costco trip on his way home tonight.

Thankful Thursday

* I am thankful for my husband, my helpmate, my lover, my best friend. He is such a wonderful support to me.

* I am thankful for my friend Mica who is so sweet and fun. She and her kids came over a couple nights ago. She taught me how to use a sewing machine and the kids had fun playing video games with Kevin and playing with the cats.

* I am thankful that my sourdough starter is keeping so well and that I've been able to bake several wonderful loaves and continue to enjoy the wonderful smell of homemade bread in my house.

* I am thankful that it's fall! I love all the colorful trees and all the leaves falling. It's such a beautiful time of year!

* I'm thankful for the great produce store here in Sultan, I got wonderful sweet corn, 10 for one dollar and it's so sweet and tasty! I also got a wonderful large zuccini and great glass jars while their. The store is such a treasure in this town. I loved seeing all the pumpkins there too. I'd love to get some to carve.

* I'm extremely grateful that I've gotten a handful of Tupperware orders recently. I really hope I continue to get more orders as this will continue to allow me to work from home instead of needing to go look for a job. - Proverbs 31:18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

* I'm thankful for my grandma K who generously is helping me get a pair or two of pants by buying from me some of my clothes that are now too big. She's going to give them to someone she knows. I benefit in having clothes that fit well again, and knowing that the clothes that are still good will go to someone who will appreciate them.

* I'm grateful for my doctor who does a wonderful job helping me manage my health. With his help I've lost over 20 pounds and should continue at least another 10 more. It's so wonderful to have the right medication to help my body do the right things with the foods I eat.

* And finally I'm a thankful for all the new wonderful internet friends I'm meeting with all the new blogging activities I've found to participate in. All your kind comments and prayers have been such a blessing to me!

I am thankful

You Are 72% Thankful

You are a very thankful person - for both the big and little things in life. Your optimism is powerful. Getting through hard times is fairly easy for you.

How Thankful Are You?

You Are Mashed Potatoes

Oridnary, comforting, and more than a little predictable You're the glue that holds everyone together.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

And something I'm thankful for... my great vocabulary!

Your Vocabulary Score: B

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying. Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How's Your Vocabulary?

Thank YOU Mica!

Thank you Mica for my new header! I love it! It's simply perfect!

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa K!

I love the doll my grandparents sent me for my birthday.

My grandparents also generously gave us the money for the binding machine to make the cookbooks at home. I'm so happy to own a binding machine. My brain is spinning with all sorts of ideas of things to do with a binding machine. I think I'll use it to make a journal for my swap partner as well. Now I need to find the best place to buy binding combs.

God's Providence Shining through my personal darkness

I'm not trying to write my testimony here, but I do want to share some things that are on my heart.

In the moment I can think of millions of things that seem unfair about my life. My health and infertility being a huge one. I don't blame me, God, or anyone for why I have to live life dealing with these things. I simply know that this is a fallen and broken world we live in, and as a result we all deal with different trials. I never thought that as a young bride I'd find out we couldn't have children. In my heart I always knew what that would mean, we'd adopt. We're still hoping for that someday. Though I deal with lots of women's issues and can't have my own biological kids, I don't hold heartache about that, I hold heartache that we aren't ready yet to accept into our family a child in need of a home.

For years I worked as well as Kevin and with growing resentment, I felt like I was ignoring God's will for my life. I mean after all, through all the dreams I had about what I might be when I'd grow up the one that always remained the same was that I was going to be a wife and mother. Going to work was a daily reminder that I couldn't do that yet, that I was passing time, earning a living only really for the now. Such was the curse of living in California were just existing cost everything we had, and had us accumulating debt.

Looking back I remember years of wondering if we'd ever be able to make more so that we could at least afford one more bedroom. We lived in one bedroom places for years, and the cramped space was another constant reminder of not now. How could I continue to hold hope that we'd have kids if I couldn't see how we'd get out of our situation.

But God provides. God guides, and He wakes us up to see what we might not see otherwise because of our day in and day out. Back then I never would have imagined I'd be typing this living in a 3 bedroom house and being grateful to have that gift I knew was promised me. I couldn't see how it was possible where Kevin and I worked, and it wasn't. It took Kevin loosing his job and not successfully finding anything decent afterwards to wake us up to the fact that God was calling us to leave, to find a new home, a new community, a new circle of friends. This has been such a blessing!

We moved two years ago to Washington on faith. We had no jobs, no prospects of jobs aside from seeing some listings that really fit Kevin, and no idea we'd ever end up in a little town called Sultan at the base of the Cascade mountains. But now that we're here, now that Kevin has growing responsibilities and respect at his job and we're growing a circle of friends here, and growing roots in our church and community, now through all this I can see God's Providence.

I can see that yes, it still isn't time for us to be parents yet, but He still holds that true for our future.

I see that I have the time and ability to communicate with people and connect with them in ways that are real, that they need, and that I need.

I can enjoy clean air, less asthma issues, spectacular views of the mountains and a real sense of tranquility at home.

I have now a room I'm nesting for that special someone or someone's someday. When God says we're ready, we WILL be ready.

I have time to think.

While we may have every penny going to paying a mortgage now and we often wonder how we'll buy groceries it somehow never truly is as big of an issue as my panic can make it out to be. I always still seem to have leftovers that go bad in the fridge and plenty of good food to bring to church lunches, both real and tangible reminders that God is providing.

There are lots we are doing without these days. I see others who frequently enjoy going to the movies or buying games, or going on vacations. We can't do any of those luxuries right now. On the other hand, where we live is so peaceful, and the nature that we can enjoy just outside our door. It's all such a wonderful gift from God.

I could go on even more, but this is yet another mid-night blog post, and for once I'm actually tired at a normal time, so I'll wrap up to head to bed. I just want to say though, that when I look back on what I didn't have, and what I am blessed with now that I am able to see what God has done for me. It is when I see everyone else around me having kids, or someone who's lived in an easier market and doesn't have the financial issues we've faced that I start to get depressed. I can't focus on the Jones', we're the Wilson's.