I haven't had anything to post mainly because this physical therapy stuff is sucking the life out of me! That and arthritis...
When Kevin and I got back from California we both had colds, and I only just got over mine almost a week ago. Because my medication for arthritis is an immune-suppressive I can't take it when I'm sick, or I risk getting pneumonia or an upper respiratory infection. So I just had my shot last night. Normally it's every two weeks, but that was 5 weeks since my last shot. So of course my arthritis flared up. Monday after PT I slept for 4 hours in the middle of the day, followed by sleeping for 12 hours that night! And today I had PT too, and feel again like I want to skip lunch and just sleep. My body says "Please let me repair!"
Today was the absolute most painful. So much sharp pain in my left hip, and virtually no range of motion. My PT was concerned, but said it was my flair up and for me to just do as much as I could.
Amazingly I was able to ride the bike for twice as long as on Monday, but it still was only 8 minutes and then both my hips started popping and making snapping sounds. I think the most painful was massage and ice. Both of those I felt like I could barely move after. I think next week I will bring my cane just in case. I haven't yet, but progressively I've been feeling less mobile instead of more... Which bums me out because Mica, her kids, Kevin and I are camping tomorrow night through Saturday morning and I really want to enjoy being out. I guess I'll need to pack my cane for camp. After icing today I could only shuffle out of the clinic, it was kind of depressing. I'm still hoping that this is just more pain on the way to progress. It isn't the same kind of pain like warm muscles after a workout, it's stiffness and tenderness.
I also woke up yesterday with a charlie horse in my right leg. I haven't woke up from one of those in a while, I'd say that says the shots have been working in that department, and that this crept up since I've been off them a few weeks. Another sign I'm dealing with a flair up I guess.
Just sitting in a chair is a lot of pain right now, so I don't think I'll type too much longer. I need to get a nap.
Changing gears...
I'm so happy to have recently gotten back in touch with some long lost dear friends. Sarah Dougherty, (Now S.J.D. Korel,) I was able to find her on Facebook! I haven't seen or talked to her since I lived in Colorado. It has been good catching up with her!
I also found David Kaiser! YEARS have gone by since we last talked. I won't mention how I found him out of privacy for his family, but finding this dear friend has also told me many things to pray about for him and his family.
Topic change again (I'm feeling like a distractible butterfly today!)
Kevin is way over stressed these days. 'Back to school time' always means there is SO much work for him as all the schools work to get the products back online for a new school year, and also activations of new accounts. It's strange to see him stressed. He's such a mellow guy, but there definitely is more work right now. On friday he worked 13 hours! I wasn't too happy about that. I ended up driving out to his work and waiting for him another 45 minutes to take him out to dinner since he wasn't going to get home at a decent dinner hour. I wasted my time there playing on-line video games as I waited. I really hope things start to taper back to normal for him.
Well, I have only have 368 days left of being 20something... Is this supposed to be a big deal? At the moment I'm just hoping that when Saturday happens that I'm not feeling like I do now. I'd like to have nice memories of my birthday. I guess I'm kind of fearing my birthday in one sense... I always hear some kind of horrible news on my birthday. I wont list it out as some of them really kind of depress me, but it's always something. I guess I'm just wishing that for that day it could be like it is in childhood, something so special that there would at least be some kind of hedge of protection about me now too. That special day that makes me feel good. Why can't we have that in adulthood too?
There are some other things holding me distracted, but I'd rather not blog about them. I'm starting to feel again like I'm neglecting my blog, but on the other had I don't want to feel obligated to write, I just want to write when it seems right. If that makes any sense. I guess some of that is what I was getting at in my tightening my circle post... I'm not cutting myself off, I'm just not sure what I want to share.
I'm still brainstorming my handicaps post I want to make. Sunday afternoon Kevin and I went to see The Mummy 3. I loved it, then again seeing Brendan Fraser topless was certainly yummy enough for me to watch it over and over again. I know, I'm a bad girl for that, Kevin knows I've had a crush on Brendan for ages... And I let him watch Jennifer Connelly movies knowing he crushes on her. ANYWAY, big distraction there... So we went to the movies. After the movie I went to the ladies room, and as I strolled into the handicapped stale I noticed some women staring daggers at me! This is something I've dealt with before. I've noticed that all too often people don't think someone needs a handicap stall if they can just walk into it. But I do use the handles to get up and down. While I can still, praise God, walk, I do have limitations to my mobility. But people can't see that all the time. And there is this perception of just being lazy or whatever that I haven't quite figured out either. I've seen people give offended looks like I should only use that stall if I'm in a chair, and maybe that will be so someday, but I'm not going to put myself in a chair any sooner than I have to just so people stop staring. And they won't anyway... I felt like such a spectacle when I was in a chair at the airport. But I'm so grateful for the service. I know I wouldn't have been able to walk that much and still feel good. It really helped me. I still hurt after the trip because sitting for the whole flight is never good on my hips either. I just really shouldn't fly unless it's the only option, (though it feels like it with the price of gas. At least that's improved some.) But at the airport I felt all eyes on me as I'd stand to get up out of the chair to pass through security. I truly think people don't understand physical limitations, like handicapped can only be if you are paralyzed or something. Stigmas are everywhere, it just makes me feel worse. I know after the return flight I felt super depressed. I don't know anyone else in there 20's who is dealing with this, so I end up feeling an alienation I can't quite explain.
I mostly feel bad for Kevin with all this. He certainly is living up to his vow of 'in sickness and in health'. I just wish I had more times of 'in health' to give him. He has so much extra he has to do because of me. He goes to work and then often comes home and works on clothes or dishes, simply because I can't ever seem to get it all done. He's amazing. He doesn't get mad at me for my limitations, and often pampers me even when I don't completely need it. I'm grateful for the love and caring he gives me.
I don't know why I'm writing or what I'm writing about. I guess I'll end for now, I can't think of anything else to write about. I'll probably not post until after my birthday trip, simply because tonight we need to pack and while we're gone I won't be sitting near a computer.
I guess one last thing I'll mention is I'm so thankful we're back to the grey rainy weather! The heat last week was unbearable. I love the cool rain and the dramatic skies, I'm so glad that has returned! The heat fatigue was making all my muscles spasm, and sometimes I hate spasms more than stiffness. It just feels so creepy to me. I'm glad that's over for now. So that's all for now.
Labels: birthday, Brendan Fraser, David Kaiser, depression, handicaps, Kevin, physical therapy, Thankful, vacation
