Putting a face to who ObamaCare will negatively impact.

I've done my share of telling people why I'm afraid of what Obama's health care plan will mean for my own well being. Reducing my medications to less effective ones, and making pain management a very difficult accomplishment.

I've been spending lots of time talking with others who are chronically ill and what the effects would be for them. Let me just say, I don't really think there are any sick people out there who want this. I've been speaking with one gal who needs a neurologist, is on Medicaid and has been waiting 6 months for a doctor. She holds no hope that things would improve with this new system and actually believes it will break the current system of care to be even less effective.

I also have a friend who lives in Wales and has the same type of arthritis in the spine like I have. She deals with socialized medicine there. She doesn't seem to have much options medically. She's on a similar biologic medication as I am, but only because she was fortunate enough to win a prescription lottery. I know she's thankful for her ability to have that medication, but it does seem like one of the other brands might be better for her and she's expressed that she feels bad for others where she is who suffer as she does who are 'not so lucky'.

The following video is of one person talking out the reality she'd be faced with in 20 years, if this plan passes. Her other video is also pretty important too.



So for now I pray that I will continue to be able to afford the healthcare I have, which helps me keep the medical treatments my doctors and I choose as best for me. And will continue to work with the doctors I have to continue the best care I can for myself for as long as I can for myself.

The following video was passed on to me by someone who was pointing out the lack of TelePrompTer aid, but what got me going was what Obama was saying.

The following is my (edited) response.
"He knows nothing about illness! I've had to go to the ER twice for Asthma, both because symptoms came on heavy and quick. I have an inhaler and rarely use it. It also is not really any different than the over the counter ones."

The problem is he and the rest of the liberals pushing this forward are so out of touch with those of us who are ill and working as best we can with the current system. The president can say that it's not going to change my healthcare as much as he wants, but the history from the countries who've gone down this route say otherwise, and even loose lipped libs have said so. There is a video going around in which Barney Frank says the best way to a single payer system is to get a good public option out there.

The following video shows how this circle wants to use this public option to wipe away choice, leaving us with a single payer system.



To read more on this, click here for an article by NewsBusted.

Vaccinations, swine flu, and building immunity.

On Facebook I just joined a group called "I will NOT take Vaccines for "Swine Flu"!!"

The reason is simple, many of us are already immune or working on immunity. This summer so many people have been sick. Think about it, does it make sense then to get an injection for something your body is already conquering?

I have not had a flu shot since 1995. Yes I get sick, but I did back when I'd get the shots too. I'd get sick from them even, so I stopped getting them in high school.

From what I have been hearing about swine flu it spreads fast, with how many of us have been sick this summer I'm sure a good chunk of us already have our bodies working on building immunity. Every flu season I tend to be one of the first to get sick, before a vaccine is available, & while multiple strains go around each year, I often wonder if what someone is injected with isn't something they've already dealt with & built their immunity for by the bug running it's course; an injection then is pointless & only runs the risk of harming ones body because of the other things found in an immunization injection.

Dealing with rheumatoid arthritis I have to keep myself healthy as much as possible. But I've found I fair better by eating right and taking my vitamins than by flu vaccines. The following video helps support this idea.

I don't want the government to put me on steroids.

UPDATE: For further reading on this topic, read here.

OK, so that title doesn't seem all that likely, but with all this talk about socialized medicine or government checks on healthcare costs, I am concerned as to if the medical treatments I currently am afforded would someday be changed. With all the talk of potential changes to healthcare even in the private sector I'm a bit concerned. The government shouldn't interfere with my health insurance and how I and my doctor treat my diseases. The patient doctor relationship will ALWAYS be the best in deciding the best route of medical treatment.

The government wants to get involved in how the healthcare system is run in order to reduce costs. However there are times where the higher costs are the right thing. In treating my arthritis I use costly injections. If I didn't have the insurance I have I couldn't get them. In the broader scheme of things it seems more economical to treat arthritis with the older method of steroids. However, even though this is pennies in cost it's side effects cause their own set of additional problems, as well as being less effective at treating over-all disease activity. If we were to move as a nation to socialized medicine and I had to switch back to steroids because that's cheaper, I for sure would be in a wheelchair because of the reduced effectiveness of treating my disease. Steroids would cause weight gain, mood swings, and other health risks down the line. It's not to say I don't have other risks now with my injections, but of the two, that is the better option. I don't want to be fatter, stuck in a chair and moody simply because it's cheaper. Government; keep your hands off my healthcare!

It's a situation of if it isn't broken don't fix it. I don't deny that there are many with very poor insurance, or no form of health insurance, and that those things need to be addressed. But for those of us who have something good going for us, the government should not get involved. Additionally I think the following video makes a valid point about just what is proposed, and how readily 'we' accept this proposed change to healthcare. I agree, call congress to slow things down long enough for them and all the rest of us to know what it is we are getting into with all these proposals.

Is this supposed to be Christmas shopping?

This is simply horrific! A Wal-Mart employee died, and a woman was said to have miscarried her baby yesterday all because of people so completely eager to get those "Black Friday" deals. (Read here)

I don't go out shopping in crowds much any more since I move so slowly. And I've never been one for these big sales. It's just things like this that make me think mankind must truly be sinking to a new all time low. This is not what the holidays are supposed to be about. Thanksgiving is supposed to be about giving thanks, not skimming the ads and planning just how much money you're going to waste at Wal-Mart. ...Not getting up early and stampeding people, just to get 'that deal' before anyone else. Dude? Ever hear of rain-checks? Go the the store later and if they're out, get the rain check and go back the next day or something. Or is that too much of an inconvenience, is that enough reason for a mob to take two lives in the name of gifts, greed, and capitalism?



I just think this is all a symptom of a greater issue. For decades Christmas has lost it's meaning with most people. It's a month long exercise in spending more than it is about reflecting about the gift God gave by coming to earth in human form to teach and save the world. It's that ultimate gift from God that should be why we share gifts at Christmas. Yes, the Wise Men gave baby Jesus gifts. But they were specific gifts, expensive, and meaningful to him as a person, they weren't a .50$ pair of knit gloves from the local discount store, or some piece of cheap jewelry that will fall apart a few months later. No, they were gifts that were to honor him as the King they knew He was born to be. I firmly believe that with gift giving, it should be what you can, and when you can. And it should be unique, and meaningful, and something the person receiving it should need, use, or appreciate. I'm not saying this because of being a picky gift receiver, I'm saying it to make people think about why they buy and give stuff? Is it simply an 'all December retail therapy shopping spree' or are the gifts being given truly meant as a gesture of kindness to the person receiving it? The other question is how much are people simply being greedy and using these sales to buy for themselves, verses getting gifts for others. I think some people might be shocked at just how much people buy for themselves verses others this time of year. There's this sense of entitlement with shoppers that I saw when I used to work retail. That 'you need to get something for yourself to reward yourself for all the hard work you're doing by being out there and shopping in the crowds to give all this stuff to others'. Honestly, that's sad!

I think this is the last straw for me. If we come across things that are the right gift for someone we'll buy it and give it, if not, I'm not going to go store to store looking for something, or buying random stuff to give. Finances are an issue this year, and yes, this plays into it. But I also can't see how any of this is worth it. I'm usually left in pain just from the longer grocery store trips, why go to the mall or other stores if I don't have to. Sure I can get a wheel chair to use while there, but it's still a question of why the gift giving in the first place, and how it's done!?

This year we are looking to refinance our home, pay off medical bills of mine (MRI's are not cheap, even with insurance, and I still need a couple more done soon!) get me a walker, pay off other bills, and work on home repairs. We need to be responsible to ourselves first. If we're able to get and give gifts along the way, that's great, and that's God's provision, but at the moment we don't see how it's really all that possible. We're trying hard to get out of debt, and to be better responsible financially. We both think this involves being rather low on any gift giving, if we are even able to. It doesn't mean we don't want to reciprocate gift giving, or that we don't love people and want to give, it's just where we're at right now.

I think a lot of people are in these kind of situations, and I think this is some of why a place like Wal-Mart was where this issue happened, and not someplace like Macy's. Most people need to find the deals to afford to give gifts, but really, should they be gift giving if finances are that much of an issue?

I'm sure I seem overly opinionated to people, and whining about my own situations here. But really, all I'm getting at is these are my reasons and proofs for why I think Christmas gift giving is so off mark anymore. Give gifts, but do it as you can, make them meaningful, don't fill a room with crap people will get rid of eventually because of not really wanting it. More doesn't mean better. If you can give bigger and better gift and more of them, and that's what works for you, than by all means, spread the merriment, but if you're just getting by, will be paying off the credit card bills with resentment for several months following, and don't really have a purpose for the gifts, then why bother?

I'm certainly not the first to come to these conclusions. Wikipedia says that it protests where started back in 1968 by an "Elie Clark". Like I said, this has been an issue for decades, this latest news is just a new low.

The Buy Nothing Christmas website is a great site, I highly recommend checking it out!


UPDATE: Since writing this post I've read that the woman and baby actually are fine according to a police officer quoted by the AP. I hope that's true. If so that's a blessing. The issue still remains that the child's life was put in jeopardy by the actions of this event. (See here.)

SECOND UPDATE: According to Fox News Business there were even more 'Black Friday' related deaths at a Toys R Us store! Honestly, what is this world coming too!?

Thanksgiving for my burdens.

Today has been a very different Thanksgiving for us. It's the second time we've had Thanksgiving just the two of us. It's somber. But peaceful and nice. I made a big spread, Kevin praised me again for my cooking skills. I honestly don't know how I did it other than God saying "Now is a time to feast and give thanks!" My arthritis pain has been unbearable! And amazingly the only thing I burned was a tablespoon of butter as I was getting it melted to make apple crisp for dessert.

I still have a pretty nasty cold. I was amazed I was able to enjoy as much food as I did. As I sat eating with the love of my life, my hips and back were quickly making it such that I thought I wasn't going to make it through the whole meal. Amazingly I did. I sat and ate with my love, and talked and just enjoyed each other. It was really nice, aside from the pain. By the time I took my last bite I had to get up and start moving. I paced the kitchen, getting various things to pack up the bounty of leftovers. Someday I'll learn to make Thanksgiving dinner for two, but I've yet to figure out how to get the recipes right to do that, so I made way too much, at least I won't have to cook for the rest of the weekend!


Here was our menu:

For the meal:
Spiced apple cider Black Forrest ham with grated apple
Stuffing stuffed chicken breast
Cornbread stuffing with sauteed baby portabella mushrooms, celery, and onions
Cranberry jelly
A HUGE salad with every leafy green imaginable (OK, actually pretty much every veggie I could get in the store)
Baked mashed potatoes with garlic and bacon
Baked yams (with marshmallows, for Kevin)
Chicken gravy
Black olives

To drink:
Sparkling apple cider
Ice water

For dessert:
Traditional Creme Brulee
Apple Crisp



Quite a spread for just two people. And I'm thankful we were able to do that. We were among the crowds of people doing last minute meal shopping yesterday. We decided to do a Chicken breast instead of a turkey simply because it would have been way too much. I still bought a turkey however. It's in the deep freeze right now, so we can have it whenever. I bought the turkey even knowing we weren't going to have it today because there was a deal at the store; the ham, turkey, a sack of potatoes, and several other things, were all for a package deal at $20. I couldn't pass that up! So I have a whole turkey in the freezer! It feels silly, but it's good knowing I'm able to put food by after all this too.



And now to share what I've reflected on today while giving thanks:

I'm thankful for Kevin's job, that provides for us.
I'm thankful for health care, doctors, and modern medicine; all of which are helping me deal with arthritis at 29.
I'm thankful for the house that we have, and the home we keep for ourselves inside.
I'm thankful for my friends who pray for and encourage me.
I'm thankful For my church family, who is there for us so much, teaches us so much, and is sad for me on the Sunday's I'm too sick to make it to church or other events.
I'm grateful for the many gifts and blessings we've been given recently.
I enjoy the beautiful pictures I've both received and been in, nice memories to look at and reflect on.
I am blessed grateful and thankful that I'm able to be a housewife, and not needed to work outside the home; affording me the time I need to rest, and still get done the most critical things around home.
I'm thankful for real servants of Christ who help us with the upkeep of our home.
I'm thankful I have a cane, and soon a walker... these thing keep me moving!
I'm thankful for the days I don't need my cane or anything else.
I'm thankful for my cats, who remind me to rest, and love simply.
I'm thankful for the internet, and computers, and other various ways of keeping up to date and in touch with those I love.
I'm grateful for the simple life that we have.
I'm thankful for my husband, the love of my life. He is my constant help-mate, lover, nurse, and friend.
Most of all these, thanks are given to my loving God who continues to protect me and provide for our REAL needs. Who died for my sins giving me and all who are willing to believe salvation. We don't deserve any of it, and yet He continues to preserve and tend to those He's called out as His.

In closing, I want to share that I have been very run down for about 2 months straight. The cold and flu season is really hard for me even when I'm not on immuno-suppressive, but with treating my arthritis, my immune system takes a hit, and that's why I've been sick for so long. I get over one cold, just in time to catch the next one going around. Hopefully after this cold I'll be able to stay well long enough (a week) to finally take an injection. This is my HUGE prayer request right now. I know it makes me vulnerable again to any other colds going around, but honestly, after 4, you'd think that'd be it for this winter, right? I really want to inject because my arthritis is spiraling out of control. If I don't inject soon I'll need to go on steroids again because I can hardly rotate my back at all, believe me, that makes daily life tough. I don't want to go on steroids again, I don't like what it does to me. So my hope, and plan, and prayer is to get over this cold soon, stay well enough for a week, and then to inject and hopefully get my body moving again.

To all my fellow Chronic Pain readers, the following passage has truly been giving me lots of hope lately. I'm trying to keep it top of mind since my physical body is such a burden to me.

2 Corinthians 4:7-18

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, "I believed, and so I spoke," we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase THANKSGIVING, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

This is not a pregnancy test! But it is a blessing!

Just thought I'd start off by saying this is not a pregnancy test, it's an ovulation test. Now, yes, this is kind of a personal information thing... BUT, I want to share it because of what it means.

This means that for once in my life, without medical prompting, my body is doing something it's supposed to. To me this is HUGE! Even when I was in the study several years ago at Stanford, I never saw anything saying positively that I ovulate. No test has ever shown this for me!

So this is just a personally little blessing to me, and I thought I'd share. I can't say what this leads to, other than I just feel a bit more comfortable with my own body. And I'm glad to know things are somewhat working. Praise the Lord for glimpses of good health!

Yup infertility sucks

So the start of summer I had female issues making life unpleasant every other week or so (so I stopped taking the pill, I was fed up!), and then the last 2 and a half months I've had nothing! I did a pregnancy test again today. As always, not pregnant. Infertility and annovulation really messes with the mind.

Now I get the joys of going to another doctors visit and trying different drugs, and all while our funds for prescriptions for the year has run out. I'm seriously frustrated, we didn't put enough away. I'm down to taking only my arthritis meds and the rest of my body is going bonkers!
At least the pill is cheap, but I really don't want to be on the pill anymore... I guess I'll just have to talk about that at the next visit.

How many days left 'till 1/1/09?

Causes more harm than good!

In the comments section of my post 'Pain causing pain, considering Cymbalta', I got a comment from an anonymous Jennifer who went on to LIST out to me all her 'advice' on what I 'need' to do after she very casually saw just that one and only post of mine.

What bothers me is she glosses over the reality of my diseases by saying "I have to say, I feel terrible for what you are going through. It sounds horrible." And then goes on to list out unsolicited, unknowledgeable and misguided advice.

This person went on to tell me that medicine is bad, and that I'm wallowing in my issues. First of all so what if I wallow!? And I totally don't see it that way... I know I'm sharing a lot, candidly, but this is the reality of infertility and disability - I'm not going to ignore my issues, and I'm going to honestly share what is happening with me, so if it comes off as wallowing that is their problem. As I have said many times, "This life is full of happy and sad, good and evil, right and wrong... that being said in our lives we have to deal with various things, and if we don't deal with them they become bigger problems the more we ignore them! I refuse to ignore my problems of arthritis, depression, and infertility, and I will continue to share what I learn and what I go through because it's good for other humans to understand that this life has suffering, that some suffer more than others, and that there are many ways of taking care of ones-self." SO I'm sorry if this honesty makes someone feel bad about themselves, or bad to see the reality of what others deal with, but telling me the things to do that she did was completely not helpful, but was offensive and hurtful!

I was told to not pursue Cymbalta (even though I have had medically diagnosed and treated depression for years.) but to pursue Chiropractic care, AND told that it should be able to address my infertility as well. Both depression and infertility are complex medical issues. While there are many benefits with Chiropractic care for many issues, this is not appropriate here. Especially with Ankylosing Spondylitis! Chiropractic care is too stressful on the body. Fusion happens in a person with A.S. The spine becomes one large bone and inflexible. If an alignment were to be tried the back can be broken! And that is a huge issue! I take great offense in misguided information from someone who claims to know this is what I need and yet truly has no idea what is even happening! Or who doesn't even know me and my diseases!

Her advice also included that I read a particular self help book. Looking on Amazon I read many comments ripping apart this book. Between the ratings and the description from the book itself it is something I would never pick up. It is a new age book. I am a Christian, and I refuse to take in something that would contradict my faith. The recommended book is "The Secret"

My faith is a core reason I see to share these trials I live with... Day in and day out may be hard, but my hope is found in Christ, I know someday this life will end and I'll have a new heavenly body and life. That these things that matter in this world will pass away, and that this new life will have much greater meaning! I find this a wonderful truth and want to share it with all. Becoming a Christian won't make this life all of a sudden seem like a cake walk, but it does give one hope. I think to someone who doesn't understand this they can't see just how important this is, but to someone looking for hope beyond their earthly burdens I would hope that sharing my experiences and yet still keeping my heart focused on Christ can be a witness. For that to happen though, the reader would have to look at the whole picture, which goes back to how misguided the person is to try and tell me they know what needs to be done to treat my issues simply from reading one post!

Going back to the book that was recommended to me... something that I read in the reviews on Amazon that stood out was the following paragraph;

All you have to do is just ask (oh, and believe, and feel) for the thing you want and lo and behold, thou shalt have it! I quote: "Make a command to the Universe. Let the Universe know what you want. The universe responds to your thoughts." Another one: "The Universe will start to rearrange itself to make it happen for you." Really? I didn't know the entire universe cared so much about me!

Now, this is someone else's quote from a book I haven't read, so I'm taking there word for it, but what first came to mind is how this is taken from Scripture, and twisted to fit these authors feel good fluff. This can be seen in Matthew 17:19-20 (English Standard Version)

Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not cast it out?" He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

It sadness me that this book has partial truths in it, but misses the real reason life can be better. Life is a gift from God, and if I'm wealthy that's a gift, if I'm healthy that's a gift, if I have children to love and raise that's a gift, if I don't have these things, it's not something I should be demanding from the universe. I am perplexed why this is my journey, but I trust God and I do see Him working in my life, so while I may be uncomfortable I know this is where I am to be. I do have blessings that are God given that I am so incredibly grateful for! I have an amazing husband who continues to love me and care for me, I have friends who are truly kind and caring, and medical professionals who have my well being at the center of their care. For these blessings I am blessed!

The reality is that in this imperfect world people will have disease, people will have suffering, people will have needs. Christ said this Himself.

The poor you always will have (Matthew 26:11)

and in the Beatitudes...

Matthew 5:1-12

Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him.

And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy."

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Who are those who mourn? Who are those who are meek? Who are those who are poor in spirit? Are these not those who are burdened with this world? Doesn't this sermon of Christ's show that after this life there is something so much more!? So I feel the need to let others know they're not alone, that yes it's a dark and painful place to be to live with infertility, or depression, or chronic pain, or something else, but I'm not going to sugar coat things because I don't want anyone to think that these issues are any less than what they are.

I find the anonymous comment very shallow, and it makes an effort to sweep me under the rug. In my other post about what my friend Anne shared with me, I shared what she said because of the truth in it. In this day and age people are too uncomfortable if they have to think about what others deal with, and how much of a help or friend is that? It isn't, it just doesn't help! That particular post is just before the one I'm talking about now, so it could have been read together and taken into consideration together and it wasn't. Again I quote what Anne said...

We live in a society that has a false sense of happiness - that is not the only valid emotion. And I personally think that it's the uncomfortable, awkward things that can help us grow. Society and The Church (!!!!) need to be aware of what goes on in the heart of an infertile young woman. A young married couple having kids is the accepted norm, and there are so many unbiblical and (I think) evil assumptions about IF in the church. The only way we will find the support we need and be able to reach out to others experiencing the same heartbreak is to share our story, share the depths and truth of the grief we encounter.

I see this as applying to all suffering, and is why I'm as honest as I am in everything I share here. I don't have many regular readers, and I can understand that, because this isn't a happy all the time place. But to those who do read more than one post my hope is that you don't see just the negative, or just the happy, but the journey as a whole. To see this story for what it is, ups and downs, victories and losses, blessings and needs. And that Christ is who my hope is placed in.

If someone wanted to truly help me it would look like this;

Helping around my house, helping to pay medical needs, supporting my participation in the Arthritis walk, praying along with me and others, listening and being a caring friend.

I do have people who do some of these things, for them I am truly blessed and grateful, but to someone who wants to give me advice on something they know nothing about, I share the following buttons (because I have nothing more I can say)...

Fizz!

This morning I awoke to this odd symptom I frequently have, but no doctor has able to pin-point, or has even ever heard of before. With all the issues I have medically I have always wondered if I'm just not describing it correctly, but when I go to think about it I always come to the same two ways of describing it.

For years now, and probably since my arthritis issues very first started showing up (High school) I've had these weird sensations in the back of my neck. I had them as a kid too, but they have been way more as a teen and adult. It feels like someone running their finger from my shoulders up the back of my neck as lightly as possible, so I can barely feel it, and it always accompanies, simultaneously, a fizzy sound that travels upwards also. Normally this happens while at rest, though I've had this happen with activities that tend to cause the neck to get stiff. Typical times aside this seems to pop up and disappear completely randomly any time it wants.

The sensation lasts anywhere from a couple seconds to about 20 seconds. It's fairly quiet so normally no one hears it except me. Kevin has heard it though, he said it sounded like a slow burp in a closed throat, or something like that. What I hear is more like soda bubbles or the fizz of an electrical power line, and it definitely feels like the sensation and sound are the same thing.

Reading this thread where others describe it I see that many have back or neck issues for some time. As have I. I've always perceived it as part of my spondylorathropy, even if no medical professional helping me with that has ever heard of it. Many of the other people mentioned a connection with when they are hungry. At the moment for me that's true, but I don't know that it has always followed that way. I DO know it seems to follow more so with my flair ups and muscle fatigue, and more so when I get overheated or stressed. So there may be something to a stomach/nutritional needs theory but it hasn't ever seemed like that strong of a connection to me.

I keep hoping I'll find a tie to it with my searches for information on Ankylosing Spondylitis, but so far this is the closest I get.

This morning it woke me up after 5 hours of sleep, also am dealing with a very stiff body (all over morning stiffness) and a headache that is threatening to go to a migraine that I've been dealing with for almost a week now.

If anyone else has ANY information about this, has had this, or any doctor who can point me in the right direction, PLEASE COMMENT!

It's not that it's any kind of painful, or anything that makes me worry, it's just creepy, it always feels foreign to me and kind of startles me even though I've experienced it countless times before.

Well, now I'm sure you all think I'm crazy, but at least I can point to others on-line who mention the same thing as me!

Oregon wants to throw away lives!

Yet again the issues of pro life being at the end of life and not just at the start of life is being talked about! "Some terminally ill patients in Oregon who turned to their state for health care were denied treatment and offered doctor-assisted suicide instead, a proposal some experts have called a "chilling" corruption of medical ethics."
If you are interested in this article to read further click here.
It just shows how different people value life, and how no, not everyone who is at the end of life wants to just end it now.
"It dropped my chin to the floor," Stroup told FOX News. "[How could they] not pay for medication that would help my life, and yet offer to pay to end my life?" This is so sad, and is something that really needs more attention than it really is receiving!
"For Stroup, however, suicide was never an option. He fought back, and the Oregon Health Plan eventually reversed its decision and is now paying for his chemotherapy, giving him hope he'll be around a little longer for his 80-year-old mother and five grandchildren." But what a horrible thing he had to deal with to fight for his life in such a way when he is already dealing with limited health. And to basically be told by his state that his life wasn't worth continuing. What a sad situation! What a loss of ethics! What an outrage!
(Quotes in this post are from the Fox News article)

Breast Cancer

So according to this article women with denser breast matter are at a greater risk of breast cancer.

Blog migration, and boring ramblings about my R.A. clinic visit.

Yesterday I had a doc appointment at the R.A. clinic. Actually it was with the nurse practitioner who I like so much better. I'm going to always ask that my appointments be with her from now on.

She totally listened to me. Helped me go over my meds list to change things up. As much as I was hating to go (I've been thinking of just finding a new Rheumatologist), I'm so glad I went! She looked at the sores on my head (I've got some scalp sores that at first I thought were winter itch, but they haven't been healing) and she said they were from one of my RA meds that she's having me stop anyway.

She gave me some topical patches to try, I'm wearing one and it's working very well. I'm so tempted to just mummify myself in this stuff, but I've got to make the sample last.

I'm set to get an MRI soon. I'll be making that appointment next week. She was very concerned about my hip pain, I was squirming in my seat a lot so I didn't have to express it too much, though I did have to describe it. It was completely night and day compared to my last visit when I saw the doctor who basically told me with RA I shouldn't have back and hip pain and wanted to know if it's maybe just stress. So I stressed out this whole month knowing it wasn't stress, but wondering what the heck might be going on. The nurse agrees with me that it's probably some form of spondyloarthropathy, which is just a big fancy word for RA in the back and hips. Duh, I've been telling them I'm dealing with that for almost two years now! From now on it's Nurse Chris! I really think she's the most on top of narrowing things down for me. After the MRI we figure out if I'll need physical therapy or just start with the massage therapy alone. I've got to find that gem of a prescription. I mean I get to go for massages once a week with it, how could I loose that! I suppose I could have asked for that to be re-written but I'll have to call in a couple days for the patches to be written up too so I'll do it then. In the mean time I'm just so grateful that the first signs of spring are starting to show up! My pain levels have gone down a lot, even though the last couple nights my hips have kept me up, I am doing better. My hands are amazingly so much better that I've crocheted two and a half scarfs in the last couple weeks. I even brought my crocheting with me to the office. I felt like the other patients where staring at me, but it kept me busy, I know a few months ago I'd be jealous of that too. And when nurse Chris saw me crocheting she immediately said, "So, the hands are better huh!?"

Now 'bout blog migration. If you were to look at my blogger profile you'd see I have a ton of blogs. And really this is the only one I use. So my plan in the next couple weeks is to migrate content from those blogs to this one and link them together with tags at the bottom of the post. Then I can keep a link on the side-bar to have the topics all together still, but unified under this one blog.

Like with this post, I've been finding I'm doing more of my health blogging here and have ignored the health blog for a while now. Plus I just have been wanting to simplify ever since blogger introduced tags to posts here. Sorry to the less blog savvy people out there. I know I've just totally geeked out on you. Anyway, I don't think there will be too many noticeable changes here, except that my # of posts will increase.

Well, yet again I'm midnight blogging. I had gone to bed about 7 and then got up after 4 hours, I've been doing that tons lately, very frustrating. Anyway I should probably log off the computer, have a light snack and crochet until I'm lulled back to sleep. I just wanted to let everyone know an update.

I still plan on finding Kevin and I a new GP and to find Kevin and ear, nose, throat doctor, and an allergist and naturopath for myself. Anyone got any referrals for one in the Everett, WA area?

I also found this web-cast to be pretty informative in regards to spondylarthropathy. Also, this link was interesting considering I'm set to get an MRI soon.

This and that.

I really liked this blog post! I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

My dearest friend Mica made a wonderful doll dress! I love it. She's such a talented artist.

Here are some household tips I got from an on-line pen-pal. I've done/tried some of these, but not all of them. I for sure use the cotton ball trick with broken glass. And the bed sheets thing is something I REALLY need to do, our bedding is so unorganized!
As far as the fruit-flies goes. We've had them bad this year and so far our best trick has been a glass jar with flat beer, and some fruit spread. You put a piece of plastic wrap on top of the jar with a rubber band, and then poke a small hole in it. They can get in, but can't get back out. This has worked well for us, though we still have a problem.
I've also used the conditioner more often then shave cream for the very reasons it mentions in here. I'm glad to see others have found that to be a good trick too.
If you know more tips like this please post them in the comments!

========================
Bed Sheets

After drying my sheets, put both sheets and one pillowcase in the other
pillow case. Fold neatly in a square. Next time you change sheets, you
just take the one pillow case and all the sheets and pillow case are
inside. No need to look for matches.


Reheat Pizza

Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set
heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No
soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really
works.


Reheating refrigerated bread

To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place
them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will
keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.


Broken Glass

Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken pieces of glass - the
fibers catch ones you can't see!


Easier thank you's

When you throw a bridal/baby shower, buy a pack of thank you cards for
the guest of honor. During the party, pass out the envelopes and have
everyone put their address on one. When the bride/new mother sends the
thank you's, they're all addressed!


Proof it's your Kids Bike

If you purchase a new bike for your child, place their picture inside
the handle bar before placing the grips on. If the bike is stolen and
later recovered, remove the grip and there is your proof who owns the
bike.


Flexible vacuum

To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty
paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent
or flattened to get in narrow openings.


Reducing Static Cling

Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a
clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when
wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -- voila -- static
is gone.


Measuring Cups

Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill it with hot
water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry the cup. Next, add your
ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right
out.


Foggy Windshield?

Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove
box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser!
Works better than a cloth!


Reopening envelope

If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something
inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or
two. Voila! It unseals easily.


Conditioner

Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper than
shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way
to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it
in your hair...


Good-bye Fruit Flies

To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2" with
Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing liquid, mix well. You
will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!


Get Rid of Ants

Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it
"home," & can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so,
esp. if it rains, but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or
small children being harmed!


Take baby powder to the beach

Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. When you're ready
to leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder and the
sand will slide right off your skin.

==================================
As a side note, I'm doing better. My face is pretty much normal now, though I'm still sleeping a lot. It was sure strange to have such an allergic reaction to a medication that could have helped me. I go back a week after Thanksgiving. In the mean time I keep wishing it would snow so the cold weather would be worth it. It's just a pain otherwise.

Well, I'm very sleepy still so I'm going to head back to bed for a nap.

DIY reusable sanitary pads

I so want to try these as soon as I have a functioning sewing machine again!

Little prayer request.

On the 1st I was cleaning in the dinning room under the table and lost my balance. I fell into the table and got a concussion. I kind of thought that was the case as it was the worst bump on my head I've ever had, but didn't have it confirmed until my doctors appointment yesterday. I suppose that a possible concussion could have been an ER visit, but I knew I had this appointment coming up.
I'm doing fine for the most part. The worst of it was that day. I had spent monday convinced it was friday. And didn't get that straight until Kevin told me, "but we went to church yesterday."
What is wrong is my sleep (which so easily messes up) is suffering again. I'm sleeping in 4 hour shifts. I can't seem to stay asleep any longer then that because when I lay down the injury starts to throb. My doc is having me take my pain pills every night for a week to see if they help (I already had a prescription for them, I just don't need them all the time) but last night really didn't seem any different. I went to bed around 8, woke up around 1, baked breakfast helped Kevin start his day, and then when he was gone around 5:30 I headed back to bed, didn't wake up until some time after 12! And when I got up was surprised to see that I had messages on the answering machine. Normally the phone wakes me, so I must have been sleeping hard.
Anyway, so I'm hoping the inflammation will soon get back to normal so I can try and get normal sleep again. I really hate being zombie-woman. The pain part hasn't been so bad unless I bed over and lay down, so I feel fairly OK otherwise.
It's just a bummer because I have to make this apron and at first my friend was sick, and then now I've been a flake. I'm trying to get ahold of her today though, so hopefully it'll happen real soon.

Scary stuff for anyone with a young daughter.

I came across this from a news blog I follow. Basically some reports are coming out about the dangers of the HPV vaccine. I've always thought it hasn't been right that there hasn't been any discussion about how if a young woman isn't sexually active she shouldn't need to be concerned about this vaccine. And in this article doctors question why it's been rushed out to the public so quick without the rigorous amount of testing other medical advances require. The article also discusses deaths and serious complications related to this vaccine.

"Politicians go on a health kick"

From the Prague Post - "Politicians go on a health kick"

Good for them! organic is so much more healthy! I've never tasted a better tomato then my own homegrown organic tomatoes. Kudos to them.

Depression

As someone with multiple chronic illnesses this post was kind of depressing, but interesting.

Depression Can be More Damaging Than Chronic Illness
By: Psych Central Senior News Editor
on Friday, Sep, 7, 2007

Reviewed by: John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
on September 10, 2007 at 9:30 am

Dealing with my auto-immune disorder.

I've been dealing with a flare-up again. No where near as bad as when I was flat on my back, but I'm super tired and have been using my cain again. It started with sharp burning pains in my right foot, and then it swelled up all puffy on the bottom between my instep and my heel. I spent most of the weekend on the couch sleeping or watching TV. Oh, and this time I'm getting this annoying rash on my arms. It feels like I have a sunburn and yet I had on a heavy coat the last time I went outside. I had the rash once before, at Christmas. But it's different from the rashes I've had in the past. The sunburn feeling is something I'm not used to. I've been using oil on my skin because it's a little dry too, and cold wet wash clothes, they both sooth a little bit, but only temporarily.

What is frustrating about it all is that I just had an appointment on Monday with my Rheumatologist and she was happy that things have been working well with the meds she has me on. I don't think it is the meds, or that they have failed me. This flare-up is no where near as bad as when I couldn't get out of bed, and I was advised that I may still deal with flare-ups from time to time even with medication. And a few weeks back my dermatologist was saying that she wants me to come in as soon as I get a rash again, but when I called to make an appointment they don't have any openings until Wednesday next week. Maybe it'll still be there for her to see, maybe not. I plan to take pictures to bring into her this time.

Now I just wish there was a way the house could get picked up without me having to do anything. My grandma comes to visit in a few weeks and I'd be embarrassed if anyone saw the place right now. I am very grateful for my husband who has been such a big help! I'm glad the worst of this was on the weekend. He really took care of me. Thanks honey!

Things I'm thankful for/QuiverFull part two.

I had a quiverfull mom read my post and respond. I really appreciate her heart and what she wrote. I don't hold anything again those who are so blessed to have so many children. I don't envy them, I simply would see my life as blessed too if I only could have children of my own. It makes me have many questions... I know I'm not cursed to be childless, but I do know my pain is real and I stuggle with it making me bitter. I wish so much to raise kids. But for me, getting there will be a much slower process.

Right now I know of MANY couples who are expecting. I very much want to be happy for them, and I am, but it's very hard to share it outwardly. There ferility rubs in my face my own infertility. It's not that I wish infertility on anyone, it's just the wound is so easily rebroken. Just about the time I find joy and hope in the life I have, sorrow comes in and tears pour down. My heart aches because it isn't just that easy for me. On Thanksgiving weekend I heard of another couple expecting and my own reactions couldn't be controled. I got choked up, ran to the bathroom and siting on the bathroom floor I held my head in my hands perplexed as to how everyone I know can so easily make the dream of a family happen and for me it's just a distant dream. Even now as I write all this I'm choked up again. If it wasn't for writing the tears would probably be falling again.

It's interesting to be reflecting on all this now. After we've made our initial move to start adoption. I do have hope and faith. I see God providing and I know this journey is begining and I look at it with eager and accepting arms! The pain is still there, and it's deep. It hurts easily, but I know that my dreams will happen. It's just a matter of time and a different route the others.

I just took a little break while writing this, and found it was profoundly important to me and relevent to this post. I heard about this show called "Bringing Home Baby" and while I typically avoid shows like this I watched this episode that just aired because it was of a mother who has Rheumatoid Arthritis. That is one of my many health issues. I could really relate with her, the need for naps during the day and dealing with weakness that comes and goes and pain that comes and goes are all things I deal with. I admire her for being able to ask her mother or mother-in law to help with things, as well as her husband. It's hard enough to do the day to day things as it is (living with R.A.), let alone to take care of all of babies needs too.

This last summer, right as we were moving into our new house, I had a really bad episode. It was after we had spent time in CA visiting family, and after the stress of buying a new home and having to pack our belongings in a hot and tiny apartment. My body was stressed and overwhelmed. I cought a terrible cold while in CA and while I was taking one day at a time, it was all just too much for my body and my body reacted. After we moved in I was flat on my back. I slept more then I was awake, all my muscles twitched or cramped and my wrists were virtually useless. I had no grip in my hands and any ammount of exertion made my body burn and tighten up. It's what brought my doctors attention to the many aches and pains I have, and that it was more then just my size or activity/inactivity that was causing my pain. My bloodwork showed more issues and put a (partial) diagnosis to what I'm dealing with (I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and my Rheumatologist is still trying to figure out if it is simply R.A. or R.A. from another auto-immune disorder.) I'm now on medications and vitamines. I'm able to move so much better. I now have to avoid getting sick at all costs, but I've found that when I am sick I'm able to get better faster. Amazingly with addressing my R.A. my asthma, and allergies have improved too.

I don't see myself as an unhealthy person, just someone who has health issues. And as I remind myself that it takes me so much to keep myself healthy and get things done around the house, that I have so many naps, and doctors appointments, and expenses like canes, and braces, and face masks, and so on I actually am very graetful that I have this time to care for myself and learn how to keep myself from having times again of being flat on my back.

It's just another journey I'm on... the journey of keeping my body healthy, with all the health things I deal with. I know I need more time to take care of myself and to do the things I need to. It's not an issue of selfishness, it's an issues of learning what my body needs. For this I am greatful that my life is just me and my husband. I couldn't imagin going through what I did in the summer and dealing with children at the same time. I now worry about how when we do have children how this will effect them. They'll have to learn to help mommy with things and such, but I don't see myself as handicapped or inable to care for children, just that I'll need to have ways of dealing with things.

I'm grateful for where I am. I'm thankful for my doctors who understand my body and are taking care of me and making my days better. I'm grateful for our house that is still new to us half a year later. And while I have boxes still to unpack because it takes me so much longer to get things I marvel and enjoy seeing each day this place be more and more ours. I've been focusing a lot on things that are good in my life lately, its something that has been hard for me a lot, but right now it has been coming easy!

Health stuff

Written 1/30/07 - 1:43 PM, updated (at end of document)

So today I'm not having any luck finding the links I'm looking for. Maybe they think the news bits they keep piping up with on the news isn't newsworth enought to go on their website.

Earlier today on Fox News Live I heard a story of a women who had a 90 pound ovarian cyst removed. Considering I fear something like that being in my future because of my Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, so I took it to the web to read more and I can't find sqaut. I did notice that most everything on the page was yesterday's stories, so maybe I'll have better luck tomorrow.

The next thing I wanted to find was the video of "Wendy, the Snapple Lady" on Your World with Neil Cavuto. I'm guessing I have to wait on that one too, but it's perfect for another blog post I'm hoping to make soon, regarding prejudice and hate of oversized "fat" people. It's gotten to the boiling point with me. There is nothing I can do short of drastic and rather unnecessary surgery, as I write this I'm distracted by yet another diet ad on TV, I swear those are on every 15 minutes, and sometimes multiple ads per comercial break! Anyway, yes; I'm fed up. I know my real health, as does my doctors. I know what I put in my mouth and I can pretty much bet that you reading this have had much more to eat then me today. The biggest thing is it's not what I put in my mouth. It's my genes and it's my disease. It does however mean that strangers still give me nasty looks if they see me eating a whole wheat bean burrito in my truck. The thought that fat people just shouldn't eat because that is their problem is a very dangerous steriotype that really needs to stop. More to come when I get all these thoughts and links organized and make a real post about it.

And while I was trying to find all the links I'm trying to I also found another link of interest regarding insomnia. After having napped most of the day away and that after a normal 8 hours asleep I was already thinking that I need to get my insomnia in check because it always catches up with me and I end up having days like today and then any chance of a normal sleep wake cycle is all screwed up for quite some time. I've never taken sleep aids beyond something like Tylenol PM so I may take all this info to my doctor. I once had a doctor prescribe coffee to me for the mornings because when I first wake up is always bad, but now that I know the bad morning thing is apart of my arthritis (which is apart of whatever auto-immune disorder I have) and so I'm not sure that will really address it. I usually don't drink coffee because I hate the gittery feeling I get if I drink it when I don't really need it. So here is the link for the news on insomnia.

UPDATES! - 2/1/07

I still haven't found the video for the Snapple Lady, but I was able to record it, so I might work on posting it myself this weekend. I think her statements where very inpowering!

I have now found the blurb on the lady with the ovarian cyst though, and that article is here
And Mancow talked about that pastor on his show this morning.

Eczema

So according to the dermatologist I saw yesterday my bumpy blistery rashes I get is Eczema. I kinda knew that already because the doc I had in CA suspected that, but she never had me refered to a dermatologist so I never knew for sure.

Yup, I know... such a boring post. But now I have another diagnosed condition to take to the net.

I could have kicked myself too because when she was asking me about my medical history she asked if my rhumatologist had thought my auto-immune disorder might be a particular one, but I forgot the name she mentioned so I can't look it up or ask my rhumatologist about it. In anycase, I do still need to tell her about the rashes. I got them after I last saw her. It was like nothing I've evern had before either. Basically Christmas morning my wrists and arms felt like they had a very dry suburn, but I hadn't been out in the sun (like there had been any then either.) and then a few days later all these pinhead sized watery blisters popped up all over where my skin was all red. It really seemed like a sunburn without sun. As the sores dried up my skin has just become dry and scaley, and now it's almost all clear again. I'm glad she took me seriously because at first glance my arms look normal again.

Anywho, so yet another medical lable put on my files. I'm really starting to get fed up with all this.

Soy isn't the only gender bender...

Oils Linked to Breast Growth in Boys. I really think people have become to lax in awareness of what goes into their body and that of their children. If such things are known to be such an issue then why don't we address it. Maybe things could be a lot less confusing for these poor boys at a time in their life when changes are already making things hard, if they could just know what is happening.

Massive ovarian cysts removed.

When I hear stories like this and this. I fear that'll be me someday. I read so often that most cysts ruptur and disappear on their own (and I know that it feels like when they rupture! Not fun!) but I still fear that this kind of a story may be something I deal with someday. One of the biggest things that makes me fear this is that I eat less then my toddler nephew and yet I never drop a pound. I've got to the point where I'm not gaining weight anymore, but I barely eat to stay this way! Plus I always feel a heaviness on my left hip that I don't on my right. I really need to find a good Gynocologist, I don't know why I haven't yet. I guess it's because I want to KNOW that they will be competent in understanding PCOS and I just super picky about my doctors.

I bought a cane today.

So I woke this morning in agony. I had yet another "charlie horse" in my leg. Kevin had to kneed it to relax and even after that I ended up staying in bed in a half alseep half awake zombie mode. I didn't make it to church. Later when Kevin came home we went out together to get some stuff from the store and I was having such a hard time getting around that I bought a cane. I'm 27 and have days were I need a cane, fabulous! I'm not happy. Basically I've been taking one medication that I'm supposed to stop taking by taking less and less of it, but the more I do that, the more all my issues seem to keep creaping back up. I may just have to go back to the doctor again before my next appointment and just say, "See, this isn't working." I will admit I hardly ever take my prescription pain pills, just full strength asprin about once a day, but the pain isn't the issue as much as the mobility. It's really bad days like today that make me fear that when we do go to try and adopt that they'll say I don't pass or something like that. I can get around fine, I just have to make adjustments sometimes. And I haven't had a day this bad in months. Maybe I'm just worried about too much, but I feel like my body in persecuting me and I really don't want anything else bad to happen in any other way, even if it's far off. Which really doesn't make sense, but pain causes depression, and then a lot of things don't make sense.

No Soy, more articles...

The thesis isn't completely far fetched, and the science has been said many times over. I've come across the "evils" of soy from reading PCOS the Hidden Epidemic and it was from that book that I realized soy needs to be examined a lot more then it is readily accepted. The scientific truth of the matter is that soy has very high levels of estrogen, and male or female, having high levels is not a good thing.

A little while ago I was working a food bank and my station was handing out baby products. I had a very tough job because I saw all these moms in need and many of them went without getting formula for their babies because most of what the bank had was soy formula. Not a single parent took the soy formula, they wanted rice or anything other then soy. I've read stories of the effects of soy formula on infants and it makes me wonder why it's even still made! And if needy families would rather not take it and suffer with having to make ends meet in other ways doesn't that say something too?

The article I came across today was from a blog post I randomly came across. I didn't bother to keep the link to the blog I got it from because the responses were all shallow and it was obvious they didn't read the entire article, they simply reacted to the fact that someone was offering up a theory that does have scientific basis.

Now on to the articles.


Against GM(genetically modified) soy


About.com - Thyrod issues made worse by soy consumption.

PCOS info video on YouTube.

Mystery Diagnosis - PCOS part one

Mystery Diagnosis - PCOS part two

Mystery Diagnosis - PCOS part three

PCOS Association Conferance

Frustrations!

OK, where to begin... No, I don't have S.A.D. I actually love all this cool weather and misty hills and rain and so on. But me, I'm not sure what is going on. I wish I did. I know I should go to the doctor, but I don't really feel motivated to, which should tell me all the more to go, but I just am not sure what else to say to a doctor other then I feel blue.
Lately I've been sleeping lots. I'm talking lately like the last 4 months and 8-13 hours a night. Normally insomnia would plague me. Now I struggle to stay awake! And when I sleep I dream like crazy. Normally I don't remember many of my dreams or I wake up not thinking I dreamed, but lately I dream all the time. The baby bug has me BAD! Every dream involves a baby or a child who are always in my care, but then I wake up still a childless mother. It makes for some pretty panicked mornings too!
I know I'm walking around with a sad face. Everywhere I go people are excessively nice to me and I know why, I worked retail, I just always feel bad because I know for that moment I brought those people down with me and I wish I hadn't. Kevin's also been asking me a lot lately if I'm OK and I keep giving super vague answers, and it's not like I'm trying to avoid answering. I just don't have an answer and feel like I should. I know my mom is completely ticking us both off and I'm sure it's effecting me more. She just doesn't know when to quit. I don't know what all to say about that, other then I'd love prayer and maybe some advice about talking to my dad about it to see if he can be a bit of an allie for me.
I'm sorry I've been surface or bitchy or just not talking much, but I'm not sure what's going on with me.
The worst part is my mind is going all the time, it doesn't help because I think so much negative stuff before I can even rationalize it first. I keep thinking maybe I'm pregnant and how that would make so much sense, it's been true for so many other women in the past, why not me too? But I've been in this place before and well, you know I'm still childless, so why would now be any different.
The worst part is I know sharing all of this will probably make a lot of people silent. I'm not looking for pat answerers or attention or anything. I just hate feeling alone in this funk.
So here it is, and I should probably just print all this to take to the doctor since I always have an easier time pouring things out into writting then is spoken words.
Well, if you're reading this that means I really trust you so I hope all this sharing is OK.
Good night all. I'm off to bed I guess. I'll probably wake up in 12 hours. Whatever.
I've even noticed that instead of having the typical response most women have to seeing babies and kids (smiling, women smile.) I frown, get sad, want to cry. It's like the whole greiving process is resurfacing with me and won't go away, I thought I was dealing with all that pretty well. But when I found myself frowning at a Huggies comercial and wanting to fall into the fetal position I had to get real. Something is wrong with me. In the past I took Prozac for dysthymia, but right now my brain is too foggy to know what to think, though academically I know that I'm having another low in a life of years of dysthymia. Well, if you've read all this you are a super friend. I do see my Rhumatologist on Friday so I'll talk with her about some of this stuff. At least to make sure this isn't any of the meds she has me on.

What it's like to be sick.

I came across this link while looking up if there is any connection between PCOS and Lupus, or others who have both, etc. I really liked this women's story and could really relate to it so I'm posting it here.

PCOS... I know I have, but Lupus too?

I don't know, My Rhumatologist seems to think so, but she's still doing test. I'm spending time in the mean time resting (like I have to be told to do that.) and researching. I came across a cool website/message board that I may keep visiting just for PCOS but one of the topics was for PCOS and Lupus. The person posting was wondering if anyone knew of any connection, or had both or anything like that. The posts that followed revealed nothing (a common problem on message boards I find.) and since I might have both I guess I'm making this post serve as a marker for that topic so I can revisit it when I know more.

Here's the link.

Blood protein issues #2

So now it seems like it's not so much the blood protein's the doc is concerend about but my inflamation. I can't remember the thing in the blood that shows that, but with both tests that was up. In my second blood test my blood protein was back to normal, so he said that was my cold, that it was a virus cold. So that's cleared up. But what isn't cleared up is my fatigue, fall asleep hands and some other symptoms too.
I went to About.com and found a "Do I have M.S.?" check list, with all I was able to check I'm going to talk to the Rhumotologist when I see her again next week. Oh, yeah. I've seen her once already, she said I didn't have enough pain regions to be considered someone with fybromialgia (not what I thought was going on anyway.) but that something is happening so she did some labs and we'll meet next week to go over them.
Also the blood tests I have with my regular Doc showed me as being a bit anemic, which astounds me since I'm a low carb, eat the protein kinda girl. All my doctors have been asking me now if I'm veggitarian. I may have over worked myself with our latest house move, but I so don't cut the meat out, ever. Just imagin how anemic I'd be if I did! That alone seems proof enough that humans are supposed to be meat eaters. Anyway, so I'm taking B-12 and iron now, I'm sleeping a little less (10-11 hours instead of 12-13.) but it's still a lot! And still never very restful. Especially when I wake up to both hands icy cold, stiff and asleep. Doesn't matter how I sleep either. Worst seems to be on my side so I toss to my back, but then my back hurts if I sleep like that all night.
Well, that's the update so far. Hopefully I'll know more after my next meeting. I've basically ruled out anything PCOS for all this with the Endocrinologist, but the Rhumotologist said there was still a chance it's something else with my thyroids. She gave me a more detailed neck exam then he did, I thought she was going to choke me! And ordered some of the labs to look into Thyroid things since I basically didn't know what he tested me for, and it would take just as long for her to get my labs as to get the records transfered and then possibly find out a test she wanted ordered wasn't done in his. And then it would all take longer.
So 2 and a half weeks later I still don't know what's up. I'm still nervious, but I'm not the crazy kind of nerveous I was before. I'm pretty certain that the Rhumatologist is going to find out what this is all about and care for me. She seems really invested in her patients. I'd totally recommend her to anyone needing a rhumotologist in the Seattle Bellvue area!

Thyroid issues and Soy

Just a very quick post. I found an interesting article on complications from soy consumption. My hubby and I have been following the soy isn't so good for you bandwagon for a while. I know a lot of gals with PCOS also have some type of thyroid issue so it seemed appropriate to share this finding here.
And now the article.

Tea as preventative medicine for Ovarian Cancer!

Archives of Internal Medicine - Tea Consumption and Ovarian Cancer Risk in a Population-Based Cohort

Not sure what to think about this article yet... I still need to look over it. But when I heard this mentioned on the news I had to take a second to look it up.

Dr. Dave part 2.

I've moved twice since I met Dave. And I never did get a chance to go to his office. Sorry. No further information there. With having new insurance again, once I do get an REI doc again I'm going to ask what they think of this. I've also heard that there is some correlation with Asthma, something else I deal with. In all honesty I think some people get to be fit as a fiddle while the others of us don't get quite so lucky with the gene pool.
I had completely forgot about this post. And when I migrated these posts into this newer blog I thought "Oh yeah, I was going to look into all this." I think now I will too. With the weather getting cold I keep feeling like I could get and may possibly now have a sinus infection. It would sure be nice to know if there was something to do about all this if it is related.
For the old
Dr. Dave blog note click here.
If I do find more I'll be sure to blog it here.

PCOS/IR (just a reminder...)

I changed this thread from PCOS to PCOS/IR because I'm finding that treating the IR (insulin resistance) is making huge progress for my PCOS. I'm also finding that the two are pretty tightly related.
Dr. Atkin’s has lots of great info on IR and diabetes, but he didn't really get into PCOS from what I've seen. But I haven't had a chance to read any books yet... just the free articles so far so maybe there is something that the Atkin's research institute might know about PCOS that I should look into.