Flubbed already, so here's a quick free-post.

So the time is 1:06 am wednesday morning and I realized I didn't log on to write soon enough for Tuesday. So lets pretend this is Tuesday's post. I was also planning on making this post one of my more serious posts, 'Post abortion secondary infertility'. However I'm still working on that article and it isn't quite ready. Considering this isn't completely scripted out and I was thinking of having a free post for Wednesday I'll post free post right now for Tuesday and hopefully finish the other post later in the day for Wednesday.

'Today' (Tuesday) I saw a pulmonary specialist. I've been dealing with bad pain induced insomnia which keeps me from readily falling asleep and staying asleep. Fibromyalgia is one of the things to blame, but with talking to the doctor (and I knew this ahead of time too) I'm dealing with some additional sleep disturbances. So I'll be having a sleep study soon to find out more information about what's going on. I actually am really looking forward to this as I believe it'll give both the doctors and myself more information that'll better equip us as to how to help me achieve more restorative sleep, which really, hopefully will help with my pain management and fatigue.

I'm thankful that I have such a great rheumatologist. It could be thought that he's just trying to pass me on to other specialists (since he also made sure I saw again an endocrinologist to treat my PCOS) but personally I think it's important for a doctor to know what they know well, and know who to refer to to help with the things they don't have as their specialty. I think too, this will give my rheumatologist more information as the test results will come back to him as well. In all I feel like my medical team is shaping up and while it will always be work to balance things and find my ideal level of functioning with disability, I do think those now involved have my genuine care in mind.

Putting a face to who ObamaCare will negatively impact.

I've done my share of telling people why I'm afraid of what Obama's health care plan will mean for my own well being. Reducing my medications to less effective ones, and making pain management a very difficult accomplishment.

I've been spending lots of time talking with others who are chronically ill and what the effects would be for them. Let me just say, I don't really think there are any sick people out there who want this. I've been speaking with one gal who needs a neurologist, is on Medicaid and has been waiting 6 months for a doctor. She holds no hope that things would improve with this new system and actually believes it will break the current system of care to be even less effective.

I also have a friend who lives in Wales and has the same type of arthritis in the spine like I have. She deals with socialized medicine there. She doesn't seem to have much options medically. She's on a similar biologic medication as I am, but only because she was fortunate enough to win a prescription lottery. I know she's thankful for her ability to have that medication, but it does seem like one of the other brands might be better for her and she's expressed that she feels bad for others where she is who suffer as she does who are 'not so lucky'.

The following video is of one person talking out the reality she'd be faced with in 20 years, if this plan passes. Her other video is also pretty important too.



So for now I pray that I will continue to be able to afford the healthcare I have, which helps me keep the medical treatments my doctors and I choose as best for me. And will continue to work with the doctors I have to continue the best care I can for myself for as long as I can for myself.

The following video was passed on to me by someone who was pointing out the lack of TelePrompTer aid, but what got me going was what Obama was saying.

The following is my (edited) response.
"He knows nothing about illness! I've had to go to the ER twice for Asthma, both because symptoms came on heavy and quick. I have an inhaler and rarely use it. It also is not really any different than the over the counter ones."

The problem is he and the rest of the liberals pushing this forward are so out of touch with those of us who are ill and working as best we can with the current system. The president can say that it's not going to change my healthcare as much as he wants, but the history from the countries who've gone down this route say otherwise, and even loose lipped libs have said so. There is a video going around in which Barney Frank says the best way to a single payer system is to get a good public option out there.

The following video shows how this circle wants to use this public option to wipe away choice, leaving us with a single payer system.



To read more on this, click here for an article by NewsBusted.

Advocating for myself is hard...

Just to warn you, I've been writing this post all night. It's 4 AM now and I think it's OK for it to be published, but I'm sure when I'm more awake I'll see more things that should have been edited. Still, I'd rather not put off this post, so I'm clicking publish and leaving it at that.

A couple weeks ago I had such a horrible RA flair-up that I just went to the ER to get some relief from the pain. There is a triangular muscle group (Trapezius) in the back that goes up the neck and to the shoulders, and on my left side this muscle group felt like it was on fire, tight & stiff and the pain would not stop! (on the right too, but more so on the left) I lost loads of sleep. The morning I went to the ER I hadn't slept except maybe an hour or two. After Kevin left for work I napped a little bit but a short time later I couldn't keep asleep, it kept waking me up. So I took an hour and a half to get dressed, and I bandaged my arm up in a make shift sling because the weight of my arm was too much on my back. Then I called Kevin to beg for some way to get to the ER. I certainly couldn't drive. He called our friend from church, Juliet, and she kindly came and picked me up and drove me to the ER. Kevin got a ride to the ER from a friend of his from work. So I spent the rest of the morning, and a little bit around noon waiting to see the ER doctor. He prescribed me pain medications because my current doctor doesn't give me anything for severe pain. He told me to see my doctors after some rest for further treatment.

Kevin made me an appointment for my Rheumatologist and I got the appointment relatively quick. She reacted very negatively to hearing that the ER doc prescribed me pain meds and said something along the lines of we don't do that here. Ah, Whatever! I needed relief and rest, I was grateful for it! It was the very thing I needed to get through that very painful flair up, which I'm thankful is done!

For the last few months my feet have become (a) HUGE (issue)! I literally can only wear three pairs of shoes, and one of the pairs are getting to be too snug, if the edema on the tops of my feet keep swelling at the rate they've been, I'll be down to one pair of flip flops and maybe showing up barefoot to certain places before too long. I'm not happy about this. When I told my RA nurse a couple months ago she seemed to only be concerned about if it was causing me pain, which it really isn't so long as I'm barefoot. The tops of my feet are very tender and feel bruised if touched, but really that's it. So I spend all my time at home barefoot. Thank God it's summer and that's appropriate. But last month when I was visiting my cousin in Montana I was wearing flip flops in snow, and it seemed a bit ridiculous! I'm currently shopping around to find a pair of decent shoes (that I can dress up or down) that work with this edema. I know with RA I should have better shoes than the ones currently in my closet, but right now these swollen feet are (literally) pressing the matter to happen sooner rather than later. I've been to several shoe stores and have yet to find something that works. After payday I hope to go to a specialty shoe store and see what I can find. Back when I did the arthritis walk I got a business card for a shoe store in Everett that seems promising, so I hope to go there soon.

Back in the start of April I submitted a records transfer request to send my records to a different clinic that I hope to start using. They have 6 Rheumatologists in one place so I believe there will be someone who will listen and help me there. Anyway, the current place never transfered the records. So I filled out the form again and when we went to my appointment last week I submitted ANOTHER in person. This still hasn't worked. I called the new place today and they still don't have anything. I'm going to call the current one in a few hours and see what they have to say.

I have a nurse advocate from our insurance company who calls to check up on me a couple times a year. She calls to make sure I'm getting the care I need. She made her latest call yesterday and asked about my arthritis and if I'm finding my treatment to be working. I told her all about this huge issue and she instantly jumped on board to help me. She's going to call me again in a week and if the records still aren't transfered she's going to call my current clinic to push them to do it! WOW! I'm so not used to fighting for myself, and honestly I've let this go two months simply because first I went on a trip to my cousin's house, then I had this flair up, and then after that my in-laws came to help with spring cleaning. The whole time I've wondered what I'd do about it, but have been distracted. Since they weren't doing it I thought about going back to my general practitioner and asking him to request my records be sent to him for my annual physical, and then to have his office transfer them... but I just haven't gotten around to that, and now I might not need to do that extra step. If this works I'll be very grateful. The pain I had for almost two weeks was some of the worst in my life, and it's really made me rethink things such that I can see now that I really should have better care than this from my doctors. Some of my closest friends who've been praying with me about this have been telling me that all along the way, but I'm so reluctant to stick up for myself, I don't know why.

At times I've asked about disability. I've chosen to not work for the last 4 years because I know my physical limits and I just can't do the 'daily grind' anymore. Sometimes this is really hard. I don't feel like I have much to talk about with others since I'm a disabled housewife. Every time I've ever brought up the idea of disability to my current doc I've been told things along the line of "no, we want you to keep moving as much as possible." Now I'm not seeking disability status to claim monetary benefits. I don't have enough work credits to qualify for it anyway. But there are days where I must run errands and then because of all the walking I end up sleeping for a couple days after that, or up all night that night with cramps and pain. I know that if I could have that closer parking spot sometimes, I could save a bit of energy that I need to not over exert myself and still be able to do more later. I am all for walking as much as I can when I know I'm doing well, and I willingly will park far to have a nice walk if I'm up to it, but on the other days I tend to wait for Kevin to get home so we can go out together so I can be dropped at the door while he parks, or to wait in the car. It's pitiful. A couple nights ago we went to the movies (Saw the latest Night at the Museum movie, that was a lot of fun!) and afterwards we went to Safeway to buy another 5 gallons of water. Well, after sitting in the movie theater chair for the whole movie, I started having a hard time walking again, so I stayed in the car, as I often do, while Kevin ran in. As I was waiting I saw a woman of similar build as me, who was walking in the same stiff gait as I was and she had parked in the closest handicapped spot. I got to thinking about how in those few seconds I saw of her life that she and I probably share the same affliction and that whatever her journey was to it, she had a doctor on her side who put her in disability status and she had her placard. I noticed she was maybe a decade older than me, but probably not any more than that, and I pondered if it was an age thing, is it just simply harder for younger people to make the case that they need certain helps? But then I got to thinking about my issues with this clinic and having to go to the ER for pain management, and how none of this was quiet right and I really got to thinking, I NEED TO GET ON PEOPLE'S cases about all this. I was also empowered by reading this blog post about winning one's disability case and really learned a lot, the key being that to win your case you need to not spend as much time proving ones illness, but proving how it impacts your life and why/what it limits you. I got to thinking about how it's not intentional, but I tend to downplay this issue a lot. I rattle off quickly the list of ailments, but I don't talk about the dishes that fill the sink, counter, and floor near it (now no longer an issue, for now, thanks so much to the loving help from my mother in law! I'm proud to say so far I'm keeping it up too!) or the carpets that haven't been vacuumed in ages, or the rest of the list of house chores I put off because I can't do them, or that get backlogged because I just can't do as much as I once had. I realized these are the things I do need to yell to a doc about!

In a month and a half I turn 30. My goal for my birthday is to have a good pair of shoes, a new appointment set up at the new office, discuss disability status, and start seriously shopping for the walker I know I could use on my worst of days. A year or so ago I just got fed up one day and bought myself a cane in the grocery store. I use it maybe a day or two a week, but I'm in no means dependent on it. The doctor I currently see wasn't going to recommend it because she wanted me to move through the stiffness and not be dependent on devices. The problem being that when I need it, before I had it, I WOULDN'T move around AT ALL and now with it I CAN! And I know this will be true with a walker too. I won't need it every day. I'll have my days with nothing, and I'll have my days with a cane, and I'll have my days with a walker, and all of it will be so I AM able to keep moving! Right now I have my good days where I can move rather freely, and then my days where I need the cane, and then days were standing for more than a few seconds is painful and trying, it's for those days that I plan on having a walker. This should help me keep up better around the home, and hopefully keep me from missing as much church as I have from time to time. I'm hoping my new doc will be on board with me regarding this.

If you're curious about what this latest flair up looked like, here is my pain map. I'm glad I save myself a copy. to get a better view of it, right click the image and open in a new tab.

An important video for first responders and A.S. patients alike.

This video is for first responders and A.S. patients about being prepared for how to handle an injury with someone who has bamboo spine (a fused spine), or brittle spine. It also is a good reminder for those of us with A.S. that we should be wearing a medic alert bracelet in case we are not conscious when an emergency happens.

Regarding mother's day; a message for those in ministry.

Mother's day has been the hardest day each year for me for the last decade. We found out about our infertility before being married because PCOS manifests itself with many other health issues that I then was seeking doctors advice about. It was hard to hear as an engaged woman I most likely would remain infertile. On the other hand it seemed a relief to know before marriage so we could firmly discuss this before making our vows and know deeper just what kind of commitment we were making to each other. And what a joy I've had remain in my heart when I learned the love of my life would want adoption just as much as I would.

Over the years it's been a very long journey for us to figure out what route of adoption we plan to pursue, and how we were going to prepare and save for it. Even now while in the process we have lots of questions, but we are boldly going forward knowing that we are being obedient to God by bringing into our lives a child who needs a home.

Because of years of studying fertility, infertility, pregnancy, miscarriage and other topics related to women's reproductive health - I've become passionate in teaching other women what I learn. Being pro-life, for me, isn't simply a political stance, but one rooted deeply in an understanding of when life begins and a deep desire to give just about anything to be able to know what pregnancy is like.

I find it mind boggling how anyone can request an abortion, or preform one. For the first I can only imagine it has greatly to do with misinformation. Knowing what it involves makes me grieve deeply for those lives lost. IF the mothers involved could only do what is best for THEIR body AND their child's no couple would have to deal with 9 years of waiting to grow a family as my husband and I have. This isn't a popular view. But sadly it's reality. There are lives out there that would be loved and wanted. There is no shortage of couples wanting children, just look at the high cost this country spends each year for fertility treatments and surgeries! But parenthood isn't only about raising a child that looks just like you and your spouse.

I'm tired of arguments about the less than 1% of hard cases, or the argument that women will still go get it done anyway. This only furthers the problem. The overwhelming majority of women who have this done do so with misinformation and limited information. They do it because a child is unwanted or inconvenient. Those performing abortions leave these women at high risks for cancers, depressions, and secondary infertility. And who looks out for them then? Who makes sure they aren't punished with a lifetime of regret, suicidal thoughts & depression?, Who makes sure they aren't punished with a lifetime of disease? Who is looking out to make sure they aren't later punished with infertility when the day does come that they want to have a child? Being "punished with a baby" is the wrong idea. Instead of putting these women at such a steep health risk why not look out for their long term health as well as to bless another family? Why is a woman to carry a child for 9 months and then placing the child for adoption such a bad thing? Because of social stigma? Because of what being pregnant in the workplace might mean? Because the woman might feel a sense of needing to become responsible with her life and care for that child? Those things may be hard, but that doesn't make them wrong.

This post isn't meant to be a post about abortion though. It's a post about motherhood. I simply want to bring into focus too that many women suffer greatly and deeply around mothers day for many reasons. Women who've had and regret abortions are only a portion. Women like myself dealing with infertility are just another portion. And unmarried women too. Our lives prevent us from living out our dreams of being included in mother's day.


The following is a very important letter that I want all to read

Dear Pastor,

It's almost Mother's Day again. They seem to come so quickly. I'm sure you are planning a very special service for all of the mothers. I know that it is such a special day for them, and I do not want to spoil anyone's joy. It is important for all of us to rejoice with each other, and even those of us who are not mothers can give thanks for those who are mothers.

All I ask is that you remember that this day can be extremely difficult for a number of members in our congregation. For women like me who struggle with infertility, Mother's Day can be the most painful day of the year. I've thought about staying home, but I know I need to be in God's house.

The most challenging part of the service is when all the mothers stand and the congregation smiles and applauds them. It feels awful to be the only one still sitting. I want to be able to stand with them. I want more than anything in this world to be a mother. It's something I have always wanted. I have carried children, but they were taken before they were ever born. I do have children in heaven, but I'm not a mother in the eyes of those here on earth.

So, on Mother's Day I often go home and cry, not quite able to understand why I am unable to become what so many in the church consider to be "God's highest calling"...a mother.

It is not only the un-mothers who feel lonely on this day. It must also be a painful day for single women who have never married, for mothers who have lost children, and for moms who have sons or daughters wandering from
the Lord.

As Mother's Day approaches, I pray that you will remember that it is not only a day of rejoicing for some, but a day of painful reminders for others. I know that God will help you to be a blessing to our congregation as you minister to us on this Mother's Day.

Anonymous

The Crucifixion | A Medical Perspective

This video is simply powerful! It's amazing to hear it from such a medical perspective.

I agree with his comment at the end. It's hard for me to sing about the cross joyfully, and personally I can't bring myself to wear jewelry with crosses on them because of that being a symbol of death. I liken it to wearing an electric chair or guillotine. No one would find that popularly acceptable, so why is it so with wearing crosses? (If a symbol of faith is to be worn, I much prefer an icthus or a trinity knot instead.)

The understanding this video adds to the horror of this great sacrifice leaves me in reverent awe of God, and all that He provides. In contrast, the gift of salvation that came from this act of love that only God could provide is truly something wonderful to be joyful about and sing praise to God!

I hope everyone had a good Good Friday, that you have a peaceful weekend, and a happy Easter Sunday!

1 Peter 2:21-24 (English Standard Version)

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

Another voice of chronic pain

Today I'm sitting in my PJ's at the computer yet again. I'm mad at my weak body because I was trying to make plans with a friend to go down to Olympia for a political protest. My body has other plans. Apparently sleep is ruling my life again, get it while I can, and need lots of it.

I follow a blog of another person with a different type of chronic pain and illness, but who voices many of the same frustrations that are universal for all of us who deal with this.

The post from yesterday is something I thought I'd share. You can read it all here. But what I thought was particularly important were the last few lines. Having a diagnosis and plan of medical attack to treat it is much more important to patients than some medical professionals may realize.

"I can still feel the relief deep within my soul. It was then that I finally accepted for the most part my sickness. I still have my moments of depression, and anger, but I’ve learned to look for the positive things in my life. A simple smile and puppy dog kisses are worth a million dollars to me. You never really appreciate the small things until you have your life turned upside down from a chronic illness. I have said to a lot of people appreciate your health because you never know when the rug of health will be pulled out from underneath your feet."

A couple months ago I wrote in my facebook about how frustrated I was that I still don't have a formal diagnosis after over three years of seeing doctors for what I deal with. I'm diagnosed with RA, but AS is still only speculated, not diagnosed (even though there are mounds of tests and symptom journals to prove this.) When I wrote about this a good friend rightfully replied that going this long without an answer is just insane, if it was something life threatening their patient would be dead! He's so right, and I am thankful that this is "just an auto-immune disorder" and not something life threatening, but even still. Having a diagnosis does make a huge difference. This friend is currently studying to be an EMT. I'm very proud of him for this as I know at least one more person getting into the medical field will have the right frame of mind when it comes to helping people.

I anxiously await next friday. That's when I go back to my nurse to hear the results of my recent MRI. I'm very interested in knowing the results as something from it prompted the Rheumatology clinic to reschedule my follow-up appointment 3 weeks sooner that what had been originally planned. I'm not really fearing that it's going to show anything scary. Mostly I'm assuming that my scans do in-fact show spinal fusion and that this is why my back pain has been as severe as it has been lately.

Well, I really do hope that others will read the post I'm referring to in this one. The only thing I'd add to my own version of this is that my faith is of great importance to me. Without it I wouldn't see much reason in living day in and day out through this. I want others to know that with Christ I have hope, and others with chronic pain and illness can have hope too. It can feel like our symptoms rule us sometimes. But with each day things can improve just as much as they can stay the same.

Keeping my hope in Christ, while livin' in my PJ's.
Cryss

RA and PCOS

Doing a search for the two terms together I often find many message-board sites where women are trying to reach out with others to see just how previlent this combination is, and it is if you look at all the posts, but what I notice in all my searching is that there isn't much in the way of medical info about this.

* Both conditions are considered genetic.
* Both conditions have deep impacts on young women, in life changing ways.
* Both conditions are improved (BUT NOT CURED) by a low carb, high "good-fat" diet.
* Both conditions feed of of their own symptoms and often make treatment hard.
* Both have depression or dysthymia as a possible symptom.
* Both have increased fatigue as a frequent symptom.
* Symptoms of both diseases often leave the patient with feelings of loss, loneliness, and isolation. A strong sense of not being physically whole or well.

Because of these cross-overs, it's hard to think of one as completely separate from the other.

When I got my diagnosis of PCOS several years ago so much started to make sense. Almost all of my medical issues fell under one umbrella now, and the diagnosis gave way for treatment plans and medical understanding. I wasn't causing these things to myself, but my body was causing them to me. As a few forms of arthritis have crept up on me before I'm even in my 30's, I've had to wonder well, does this fit all together too? I mean I have various forms of arthritis on both sides of my family tree, so I've always been well aware that I'd develop some form of arthritis in my life, but never did I really think it'd turn out like this. So I search the net...

The following is probably the best article I've found to date trying to piece together things for those of us with both issues. It seems to me like this article just confirms what my symptoms and pain levels already tell me, that one issue feeds off of the other and presents itself sooner for those who are unfortunate enough to have both diseases in their family tree.

Is this supposed to be Christmas shopping?

This is simply horrific! A Wal-Mart employee died, and a woman was said to have miscarried her baby yesterday all because of people so completely eager to get those "Black Friday" deals. (Read here)

I don't go out shopping in crowds much any more since I move so slowly. And I've never been one for these big sales. It's just things like this that make me think mankind must truly be sinking to a new all time low. This is not what the holidays are supposed to be about. Thanksgiving is supposed to be about giving thanks, not skimming the ads and planning just how much money you're going to waste at Wal-Mart. ...Not getting up early and stampeding people, just to get 'that deal' before anyone else. Dude? Ever hear of rain-checks? Go the the store later and if they're out, get the rain check and go back the next day or something. Or is that too much of an inconvenience, is that enough reason for a mob to take two lives in the name of gifts, greed, and capitalism?



I just think this is all a symptom of a greater issue. For decades Christmas has lost it's meaning with most people. It's a month long exercise in spending more than it is about reflecting about the gift God gave by coming to earth in human form to teach and save the world. It's that ultimate gift from God that should be why we share gifts at Christmas. Yes, the Wise Men gave baby Jesus gifts. But they were specific gifts, expensive, and meaningful to him as a person, they weren't a .50$ pair of knit gloves from the local discount store, or some piece of cheap jewelry that will fall apart a few months later. No, they were gifts that were to honor him as the King they knew He was born to be. I firmly believe that with gift giving, it should be what you can, and when you can. And it should be unique, and meaningful, and something the person receiving it should need, use, or appreciate. I'm not saying this because of being a picky gift receiver, I'm saying it to make people think about why they buy and give stuff? Is it simply an 'all December retail therapy shopping spree' or are the gifts being given truly meant as a gesture of kindness to the person receiving it? The other question is how much are people simply being greedy and using these sales to buy for themselves, verses getting gifts for others. I think some people might be shocked at just how much people buy for themselves verses others this time of year. There's this sense of entitlement with shoppers that I saw when I used to work retail. That 'you need to get something for yourself to reward yourself for all the hard work you're doing by being out there and shopping in the crowds to give all this stuff to others'. Honestly, that's sad!

I think this is the last straw for me. If we come across things that are the right gift for someone we'll buy it and give it, if not, I'm not going to go store to store looking for something, or buying random stuff to give. Finances are an issue this year, and yes, this plays into it. But I also can't see how any of this is worth it. I'm usually left in pain just from the longer grocery store trips, why go to the mall or other stores if I don't have to. Sure I can get a wheel chair to use while there, but it's still a question of why the gift giving in the first place, and how it's done!?

This year we are looking to refinance our home, pay off medical bills of mine (MRI's are not cheap, even with insurance, and I still need a couple more done soon!) get me a walker, pay off other bills, and work on home repairs. We need to be responsible to ourselves first. If we're able to get and give gifts along the way, that's great, and that's God's provision, but at the moment we don't see how it's really all that possible. We're trying hard to get out of debt, and to be better responsible financially. We both think this involves being rather low on any gift giving, if we are even able to. It doesn't mean we don't want to reciprocate gift giving, or that we don't love people and want to give, it's just where we're at right now.

I think a lot of people are in these kind of situations, and I think this is some of why a place like Wal-Mart was where this issue happened, and not someplace like Macy's. Most people need to find the deals to afford to give gifts, but really, should they be gift giving if finances are that much of an issue?

I'm sure I seem overly opinionated to people, and whining about my own situations here. But really, all I'm getting at is these are my reasons and proofs for why I think Christmas gift giving is so off mark anymore. Give gifts, but do it as you can, make them meaningful, don't fill a room with crap people will get rid of eventually because of not really wanting it. More doesn't mean better. If you can give bigger and better gift and more of them, and that's what works for you, than by all means, spread the merriment, but if you're just getting by, will be paying off the credit card bills with resentment for several months following, and don't really have a purpose for the gifts, then why bother?

I'm certainly not the first to come to these conclusions. Wikipedia says that it protests where started back in 1968 by an "Elie Clark". Like I said, this has been an issue for decades, this latest news is just a new low.

The Buy Nothing Christmas website is a great site, I highly recommend checking it out!


UPDATE: Since writing this post I've read that the woman and baby actually are fine according to a police officer quoted by the AP. I hope that's true. If so that's a blessing. The issue still remains that the child's life was put in jeopardy by the actions of this event. (See here.)

SECOND UPDATE: According to Fox News Business there were even more 'Black Friday' related deaths at a Toys R Us store! Honestly, what is this world coming too!?

Finances, housework, stuff.

Due to the high prices of gas, and groceries, and because our funds for prescriptions ran out, we made the decision a couple weeks ago that we won't be able to give Christmas gifts this year. This greatly saddens me. I'm not even sure we'll be able to send cards or letters, which I hope we will, but it's very likely that this will be another year where our Christmas letter is simply posted here, and only people we see in person will get cards.

Recently my dear friend Mica and her family moved so her honey could go to seminary. As they left they gave us all of their perishable groceries! This was an amazing blessing! We weren't sure how we were going to buy food this month, we're still paying off my birthday weekend and so we weren't sure how we'd eat. I'm so grateful for their giving! I'm sad to see such loving friends leave, but what a blessing the timing is here.

The blessings keep coming too! We got amazing news today! Kevin got a raise! And it's a pretty good one too! We're thinking all it will probably do is to dig us out, not to really get us ahead. But hopefully we're just being conservative. We're still buried under the financial burdens of having lived in California much longer than we should have. We simply over-extended ourselves there and have been struggling ever since. We've cut back on things I didn't even think we could have. I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm actually writing to share our good news about his raise, I'm just hoping that this will meet our needs. Finances have been so overwhelming... Life is very difficult for me because of my mobility issues. I'm not so disabled as to go on disability, but I am enough disabled that I couldn't keep a job without being sick, sore, and tired the majority of the time. I'm so grateful that Kevin got this raise, it at least takes away my need to have to look for something when I can't really do that anyway. It continues to afford me the time to go to all these doctors appointments I need to.

Hopefully soon we'll be able to pay off some of these prescription bills, credit card debt, give more to church, resume giving to World Vision, better complete our shopping lists, and maybe start taking care of some things around the house. But what scares me is the idea that if we start taking care of these things that this increase will just seem like nothing all over again. That we'll still be in worn out clothes, unable to enjoy movies, and travels and such. There is so much we haven't been taking care of, that we really should. It's quite overwhelming.

We still need to fence our property, something we MUST do before we start the home-study for adoption. And we need to repair a piece of wall in the kitchen that was damaged when we had a water heater issue (that a deacon from our church fixed, which was a huge blessing!) that caused standing water in the water heater closet. And we have to paint the kitchen still. I have a few gallons of paint we bought with the money grandma gave us to repair after my kitchen fire last year, but without getting the wall fixed yet, or the kitchen cleaned enough and mobility issues, the paint still sits in the laundry room. I really need to just throw a pizza/work party for the kids from church, but I'm so bad about asking for and accepting help.

In a couple months my parents will visit, I'm hoping then that my dad can help me get the linen closet built. But I don't want to burden him while he's on vacation. He already does so much for grandma while he's home, and his job is physical too, I know he deserves a rest. We'll see how things pan out. But this is another thing I've put off because of finances, and I know our lives would improve if we had such a closet. Simple things, silly things, these things bug me. So do the white walls in every room that I wish could be color, and the carpets that need to be cleaned... I just look around and see so much that if I were more able bodied I'd just take care of myself, but with limitations probably need to pay someone else to do.

At the moment I'm not sure where my family will stay while here, every room is a mess. I keep house, but with how limited I am, you'd never know it. I don't post pictures of home because I don't ever want anyone to think I'm fine with the way things look here, or that I am OK with this. I'm not. The cat's playing never help, they knock stuff over causing more work, and quite often I leave things because bending over just is too much pain. I am amazingly blessed with several ladies from church who are willing and able to come over and help. Two are coming over on Friday. I am beyond humbled by this because I truly don't want to have to ask for help, but there is no way I can do this on my own. And yes Kevin helps, but he also works full time, so there isn't that much time he has to help much, and he needs his rest while home. His birthday is November 15th and I'd love to give him a clean home for his birthday, but as fall starts I'm already noticing an increase in mini-flair ups. I missed church twice in the last three weeks. I have been beyond tired because of physical therapy, and I'm so happy it's over now. Hopefully I can keep active enough to not loose the benefits, but cut back enough to not be so tired all the time. And to get more done around home, but I also have this laundry list of medical appointments I've been needing to make all summer, but have been putting off so I'd have the time for the PT appointments. I just need to keep praying that God will help me get this all done.

I guess what all this babbling comes down to is that life has been very taxing and overwhelming lately. Today's blessing is such amazing and good news! I just hope all these facts of life aren't so much bigger as to make it not that much of a deal. That's what we are both really afraid of. I am so thankful and blessed by this news, and by my friends from church. It just amazes me that I'm burdened so much by blessings. I think God is really working on me here, it's hard, humbling and strange, but I do see things getting better. Hopefully soon life won't feel so stuck.

Praise the lord for raises and caring friends!

Causes more harm than good!

In the comments section of my post 'Pain causing pain, considering Cymbalta', I got a comment from an anonymous Jennifer who went on to LIST out to me all her 'advice' on what I 'need' to do after she very casually saw just that one and only post of mine.

What bothers me is she glosses over the reality of my diseases by saying "I have to say, I feel terrible for what you are going through. It sounds horrible." And then goes on to list out unsolicited, unknowledgeable and misguided advice.

This person went on to tell me that medicine is bad, and that I'm wallowing in my issues. First of all so what if I wallow!? And I totally don't see it that way... I know I'm sharing a lot, candidly, but this is the reality of infertility and disability - I'm not going to ignore my issues, and I'm going to honestly share what is happening with me, so if it comes off as wallowing that is their problem. As I have said many times, "This life is full of happy and sad, good and evil, right and wrong... that being said in our lives we have to deal with various things, and if we don't deal with them they become bigger problems the more we ignore them! I refuse to ignore my problems of arthritis, depression, and infertility, and I will continue to share what I learn and what I go through because it's good for other humans to understand that this life has suffering, that some suffer more than others, and that there are many ways of taking care of ones-self." SO I'm sorry if this honesty makes someone feel bad about themselves, or bad to see the reality of what others deal with, but telling me the things to do that she did was completely not helpful, but was offensive and hurtful!

I was told to not pursue Cymbalta (even though I have had medically diagnosed and treated depression for years.) but to pursue Chiropractic care, AND told that it should be able to address my infertility as well. Both depression and infertility are complex medical issues. While there are many benefits with Chiropractic care for many issues, this is not appropriate here. Especially with Ankylosing Spondylitis! Chiropractic care is too stressful on the body. Fusion happens in a person with A.S. The spine becomes one large bone and inflexible. If an alignment were to be tried the back can be broken! And that is a huge issue! I take great offense in misguided information from someone who claims to know this is what I need and yet truly has no idea what is even happening! Or who doesn't even know me and my diseases!

Her advice also included that I read a particular self help book. Looking on Amazon I read many comments ripping apart this book. Between the ratings and the description from the book itself it is something I would never pick up. It is a new age book. I am a Christian, and I refuse to take in something that would contradict my faith. The recommended book is "The Secret"

My faith is a core reason I see to share these trials I live with... Day in and day out may be hard, but my hope is found in Christ, I know someday this life will end and I'll have a new heavenly body and life. That these things that matter in this world will pass away, and that this new life will have much greater meaning! I find this a wonderful truth and want to share it with all. Becoming a Christian won't make this life all of a sudden seem like a cake walk, but it does give one hope. I think to someone who doesn't understand this they can't see just how important this is, but to someone looking for hope beyond their earthly burdens I would hope that sharing my experiences and yet still keeping my heart focused on Christ can be a witness. For that to happen though, the reader would have to look at the whole picture, which goes back to how misguided the person is to try and tell me they know what needs to be done to treat my issues simply from reading one post!

Going back to the book that was recommended to me... something that I read in the reviews on Amazon that stood out was the following paragraph;

All you have to do is just ask (oh, and believe, and feel) for the thing you want and lo and behold, thou shalt have it! I quote: "Make a command to the Universe. Let the Universe know what you want. The universe responds to your thoughts." Another one: "The Universe will start to rearrange itself to make it happen for you." Really? I didn't know the entire universe cared so much about me!

Now, this is someone else's quote from a book I haven't read, so I'm taking there word for it, but what first came to mind is how this is taken from Scripture, and twisted to fit these authors feel good fluff. This can be seen in Matthew 17:19-20 (English Standard Version)

Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not cast it out?" He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

It sadness me that this book has partial truths in it, but misses the real reason life can be better. Life is a gift from God, and if I'm wealthy that's a gift, if I'm healthy that's a gift, if I have children to love and raise that's a gift, if I don't have these things, it's not something I should be demanding from the universe. I am perplexed why this is my journey, but I trust God and I do see Him working in my life, so while I may be uncomfortable I know this is where I am to be. I do have blessings that are God given that I am so incredibly grateful for! I have an amazing husband who continues to love me and care for me, I have friends who are truly kind and caring, and medical professionals who have my well being at the center of their care. For these blessings I am blessed!

The reality is that in this imperfect world people will have disease, people will have suffering, people will have needs. Christ said this Himself.

The poor you always will have (Matthew 26:11)

and in the Beatitudes...

Matthew 5:1-12

Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him.

And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy."

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Who are those who mourn? Who are those who are meek? Who are those who are poor in spirit? Are these not those who are burdened with this world? Doesn't this sermon of Christ's show that after this life there is something so much more!? So I feel the need to let others know they're not alone, that yes it's a dark and painful place to be to live with infertility, or depression, or chronic pain, or something else, but I'm not going to sugar coat things because I don't want anyone to think that these issues are any less than what they are.

I find the anonymous comment very shallow, and it makes an effort to sweep me under the rug. In my other post about what my friend Anne shared with me, I shared what she said because of the truth in it. In this day and age people are too uncomfortable if they have to think about what others deal with, and how much of a help or friend is that? It isn't, it just doesn't help! That particular post is just before the one I'm talking about now, so it could have been read together and taken into consideration together and it wasn't. Again I quote what Anne said...

We live in a society that has a false sense of happiness - that is not the only valid emotion. And I personally think that it's the uncomfortable, awkward things that can help us grow. Society and The Church (!!!!) need to be aware of what goes on in the heart of an infertile young woman. A young married couple having kids is the accepted norm, and there are so many unbiblical and (I think) evil assumptions about IF in the church. The only way we will find the support we need and be able to reach out to others experiencing the same heartbreak is to share our story, share the depths and truth of the grief we encounter.

I see this as applying to all suffering, and is why I'm as honest as I am in everything I share here. I don't have many regular readers, and I can understand that, because this isn't a happy all the time place. But to those who do read more than one post my hope is that you don't see just the negative, or just the happy, but the journey as a whole. To see this story for what it is, ups and downs, victories and losses, blessings and needs. And that Christ is who my hope is placed in.

If someone wanted to truly help me it would look like this;

Helping around my house, helping to pay medical needs, supporting my participation in the Arthritis walk, praying along with me and others, listening and being a caring friend.

I do have people who do some of these things, for them I am truly blessed and grateful, but to someone who wants to give me advice on something they know nothing about, I share the following buttons (because I have nothing more I can say)...

Fizz!

This morning I awoke to this odd symptom I frequently have, but no doctor has able to pin-point, or has even ever heard of before. With all the issues I have medically I have always wondered if I'm just not describing it correctly, but when I go to think about it I always come to the same two ways of describing it.

For years now, and probably since my arthritis issues very first started showing up (High school) I've had these weird sensations in the back of my neck. I had them as a kid too, but they have been way more as a teen and adult. It feels like someone running their finger from my shoulders up the back of my neck as lightly as possible, so I can barely feel it, and it always accompanies, simultaneously, a fizzy sound that travels upwards also. Normally this happens while at rest, though I've had this happen with activities that tend to cause the neck to get stiff. Typical times aside this seems to pop up and disappear completely randomly any time it wants.

The sensation lasts anywhere from a couple seconds to about 20 seconds. It's fairly quiet so normally no one hears it except me. Kevin has heard it though, he said it sounded like a slow burp in a closed throat, or something like that. What I hear is more like soda bubbles or the fizz of an electrical power line, and it definitely feels like the sensation and sound are the same thing.

Reading this thread where others describe it I see that many have back or neck issues for some time. As have I. I've always perceived it as part of my spondylorathropy, even if no medical professional helping me with that has ever heard of it. Many of the other people mentioned a connection with when they are hungry. At the moment for me that's true, but I don't know that it has always followed that way. I DO know it seems to follow more so with my flair ups and muscle fatigue, and more so when I get overheated or stressed. So there may be something to a stomach/nutritional needs theory but it hasn't ever seemed like that strong of a connection to me.

I keep hoping I'll find a tie to it with my searches for information on Ankylosing Spondylitis, but so far this is the closest I get.

This morning it woke me up after 5 hours of sleep, also am dealing with a very stiff body (all over morning stiffness) and a headache that is threatening to go to a migraine that I've been dealing with for almost a week now.

If anyone else has ANY information about this, has had this, or any doctor who can point me in the right direction, PLEASE COMMENT!

It's not that it's any kind of painful, or anything that makes me worry, it's just creepy, it always feels foreign to me and kind of startles me even though I've experienced it countless times before.

Well, now I'm sure you all think I'm crazy, but at least I can point to others on-line who mention the same thing as me!

More AS facts that are probably just for me.

So I was poking around on about.com regarding muscle twitches and spasms. I slept super hard this morning and now have a knot the size of a mandarin orange in my right side (the side I slept on). I'm sure this is more of my auto-immune stuff, so I was poking around and found that About has an Ankylosing Spondylitis screening quiz. I decided to take it, and here are my results...



Now, because of my research on AS I know there were a couple things that I checked contrary that knocked down my score, but doesn't mean I don't have it. Like one of the questions was am I male or female, and because I'm female it knocked the rating down, but the reasoning there is because men are affected more than women by a ratio in excess of 2:1
And the other one that knocked my score down was that I don't have lots of eye inflammation or bowl issues. But those two are only a fraction of AS patients. Not all with AS have those, and for many it's an issue that arises as the disease continues untreated. (From what I understand in all I've read.) So just because those things aren't issues I deal with doesn't mean that AS isn't the right diagnosis. What all this does mean is statistically it would seem that a diagnosis of AS is appropriate. That treating my symptoms as such makes sense (I guess I'll crack open my Tai Chi DVD...) and that I should probably make sure my Orthopedist and physical therapists understand this issue about me.

I find the internet a real blessing. It gives me tools and resources to seek and bring questions and test results with me when I do go to my doctor visits. I've said it before and I still think it's true, that AS actually is a relief of a diagnosis to me because if my spine does fuse someday, yes my mobility will suffer, but my actual pain will greatly decrease, and that would be such a huge blessing.

I really hope that when I make posts like this one that it doesn't come off as complaining, but as informing. I know I've had this for years. It was debilitating when I worked retail, and to know now ways to rest and stretch and exercise properly has made my life so much better. Before I was at such a loss. So I share these things hopefully to raise awareness. I mean before I started really piecing this all together I had no idea that there was a type of arthritis like this. Sometimes it makes me feel like it all makes sense now, that a lot of my pain issues were not things I did to myself to cause them, but things I just didn't know because I didn't know what I was dealing with something that not everyone knows about. So I feel it important to let others know what I'm dealing with, to give validity to my disability and to let others know what to look for if they're dealing with such things as well.

So that's all for now I guess. This last week was rough sleep wise, so I never was really with it enough to make my phone calls for my appointments. I must be done Monday. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to, my sleeping is starting to even back out to 8 hours per night, or morning.

I'm still not certain if my injections are helping my AS symptoms or not, but they are helping my RA symptoms, I've actually been writing recipe cards by hand and while I have to take lots of breaks at least it's legible, so I'm happy.

Three titles could go here.

I couldn't decide if I should focus on finding out about PCOS issues from my rheumatologist, or if I should focus on knowing that as far as my RA meds go, I've had them out of me enough to TTC, now I need to get my inflammation levels DOWN, something I've been struggling for ever since I started being treated for arthritis. BUT! WONDERFUL NEWS! I don't have to scrimp and save and only use Voltaren when I'm beyond desperate anymore. See, I was introduced to it several years ago when I was in Czech and found it to work for me amazingly well. My dear grandma has kindly provided me with tubes which I try to conserve, but wish I could have it as a regular prescription here. Well, after years of waiting the FDA finally released the cream form for use here in the states! YAY! My NP and MD said I'm the first to get it from them, they gave me a trial tube, so now I'm keeping one in my purse, and they gave me a generous prescription for this wonder cream! I went to get it filled and the pharmacist told me I was the first person he's filled it for and that the pharmacy only had one tube, so I'd have to come back in a day or so for the second tube I was supposed to get. But all this made me feel cool! FINALLY! I know this stuff works for me, so hopefully between that, and having a more rigid schedule with my oral anti-inflammatory meds I can get my sed rate down enough to get the go ahead from my RA MD to call the GYN MD and make the plans to TTC. It's feeling better! There is some hope here! At least from the RA end.



Now, as far as my arthritis goes, the Osteoarthritis in my hips is so minimal it shouldn't interfere with a pregnancy, my hips should still be able to handle it all. As far as the results that the SI joints looked fine on the MRI scans, the doctor, nurse and I all agree that it doesn't rule out spondylorathropy because of the symptoms I have, and that it's very common for nothing to show for the first couple years. And that also makes sense because when we first checked my hips we saw nothing, and then recently the OA was visible. I've read this to be common for many others on various blogs and message boards too.

The MRI results were even more of a mixed bag than I thought by reading the letter I received initially. So we still suspect Rheumatoid Spondylitis, found out additionally about OA, AND with talking with the nurse they found cysts on my ovaries. So I'm sure the gynecologist will want those to clear up first, or they may prevent my cycles from happening properly enough to TTC. I was slightly crushed to know the MRI inadvertently showed cysts, but not surprised, I mean it is a part of poly cystic ovary syndrome, and I've known I've had that for years. I guess now I need to pray that my hormones will improve. I know it's keeping my depression active, as well as making my blood sugar fluctuate a lot. I haven't been tolerating my full dose of metphormine so I haven't been taking as much as I'm prescribed, but it looks now that I need to suck up the unpleasantness and go back to the full dose so I can get my PCOS better under control. It all seemed interesting to be talking about that at the RA office. But I felt like my nurse and doctor were knowledgeable enough to treat me well then.

The visit there was over an hour! The nurse is a new one, the gal I was working with isn't there anymore it seems, and the new nurse seems to be just as good in my opinion. She took time to get all the details I could give her, and she gave me a wealth of information! I ended up visiting with the doctor as well in regards to the whole TTC while on certain meds issue. We're hoping that if I can get my inflammation down again that I can also get off the bio-logic injections, they can cause birth defect. So if the time comes that the Gyn gives the go ahead to TTC but my sed. rate is still too high I'll have to go back on prednisone. We're all hoping that I wouldn't need to, I gained 20 pounds the last time. I was able to loose it all after I was off it, but to gain weight while pregnant wouldn't be healthy either. Basically the issue is that if my total body inflammation continues to be an issue, my body stress would effect the growing babies body stress too, and that wouldn't be good. So, in the mean time I have my new cream, new plan on how to take my current meds, and referrals for both an orthopedic doc and physical therapist. I was bummed to find out the physical therapist in town doesn't take my insurance anymore, so hopefully there is someone in the next town that can or I'll be stuck driving to the city (Everett) for treatments.

OK, to recap...

* I still probably have diagnosis of Rheumatoid Spondylitis.
* I also have rheumatoid arthritis.
* I also have osteoarthritis.
* I also have cysts actively on my ovaries.

What a mixed bag. I pray the cysts pass on their own without issue. The one time I had one rupture it was so painful I finished the bottle of Vicoden from when I had oral work done. If any of these cysts decide to rupture, I'll be headed to the ER in the next town at the general hospital, I don't like that, they didn't take care of my father in law in a timely manner when we took him there a few years ago. He was/is fine, but we were put off by how slow it was. I guess it's the trade off of living out in the country. I do wonder if I'd really need the ER if the same as last time were to happen. I'd probably be OK to wait for daytime and go to the urgent care near Kevin's work, our doctor is there, but they don't have all the same resources. Well, I don't need to plan a course of action here, it's not always true that they rupture, the body can amazingly absorb them pretty well too, so I'm hoping that'll just be the more pleasant case. None of the cysts are so big as to require surgery (at least for now), for that I am grateful.

I was sent to get my hands x-rayed to make sure my RA isn't causing any damage there still. And with the visit taking over an hour it ended up being lunchtime when I was done there. Where all the medical places are in Bellevue there is only a Burger King and Whole Foods. I didn't want junk for lunch so I went to Whole Foods. OH MY GOODNESS! It is so expensive! I mean I've shopped at Whole Foods before, but it's been a while since that is the closest one and it's about an hour away. Anyway, 30 some dollars later and I had lunch, a couple reusable shopping bags and a reusable feminine pad, something I've been thinking of trying. I LOVE the shopping bags! We've been buying the reusable ones when we can because we're sick of always having to get rid of plastic bags, but we've found that the reusable ones that most stores sell end up starting to bust the seams after a few uses. I have several sitting by the sewing machine waiting for me to mend them. Anyway, the large ones I got from Whole Foods seem VERY sturdy, they're made with two layers of material so I think that will help too! I bought two bags, maybe in a few weeks at my next visit I'll pick up a few more.

I ended up being out so long that after I got my x-rays done it was almost time for Kevin to get off work. I called him, he called his car-pool buddy and I ended up being the one to give him a ride home. I sat in the parking lot at his work for about half an hour, which I totally loved. The day turned out so nice. It was cooling off as high clouds were rolling in, with the faintest amount of rain, and the birds were flying around and singing, I just sat and took it all in while I waited. It felt like such a blessed time of peace, a real gift from God, just for me!

After I picked Kevin up we went grocery shopping and home and dinner and bed, so I didn't get to work on my crafty things yet, but Tuesday is looking pretty calm so I think I'll work on things in the morning. I'll also check the veg starts and see if they revived from the rain after the heat, I know I did. If so I'll tend to them.

Well, I've had very little sleep lately, so I'll end here for now. I know I wrote a lot of abbreviations. But I think I covered them all in context, drop me a comment if something was confusing. Writing at 3 in the morning doesn't make me the most coherent.

So to recap, please pray about my cysts, right now those are going to be my biggest hurdle with trying to conceive. Please pray that I'll get my inflammation down enough, gain more mobility again, and that physical therapy will prove to be of help. It'll still be about 4 months according to the doctor before I'd expect to be able to move as freely again. It'll take time for physio to work. We hope that the OA won't continue to worsen and stay relatively about the same as it is now.

Well, I think I got out everything I needed to write about from the day. I'll head back to bed. I was sleeping well until the cat started to climb the screen so I had to wake up to kick him out of the bedroom. That woke me up enough to want water, and then the day started rattling in my brain so I thought I'd just get up and share, but now I'm ready to go back to bed.

Good night friends, and please pray with me. Thanks!

1 in 4 teenage girls have a sexually transmitted disease!

Oh my goodness!

If I had a daughter I think I'd be locking them up in a barrel with a small feeding hole after reading this article!

A part of the report from the CDC, and those who are talking about this risk are talking about how the largest group of these teens are ones carrying the human papillomavirus, or HPV, which then presses more people to respond with statements that basically say, "see, we need to vaccine all these girls."

But isn't it still better to raise a girl to be virtuous, to save themselves for a worthy man? These diseases are a consequence for not keeping sex sacred and within a secure and loving committed exclusive relationship. What kind of relationship am I talking about? Why, marriage of course.

Yes, there are the risks of abuse causing such things, but I do believe that it becomes too easy in this debate to just allow young women to feel like it's fine for them to do whatever because they're protected by some shot... I just feel the need to pray for all my friends who are raising daughters.

Just a random update.

I've been spending most of my free time looking for different doctors. Kevin really isn't happy with my doctors. He thinks they're all just experimenting with me instead of really trying to find causes and to treat me. Depending on the doctor I think he's right. I really like my Gyno, and my Dermatologist, but my Endocrinologist moved, and I haven't heard anything good about the other doctor in that clinic, and Kevin doesn't like our GP, I'm OK with him, but I admit he's a bit lazy sometimes, And then my RA doc has down right just not been helpful. Half the time I see the nurse instead and almost feel like the nurses do a better job, but still, they have to report to her for any real course of action. I really want my back & hips x-rayed again, my hips are a constant problem. I'm just going to look for someone else. I'm thinking of switching a lot of my doctors over to the Everett Clinic. I think I'll keep my Gyno and Dermatologist though. I don't know though, something has to change, I'm just not sure what. I also hope to start massage therapy soon. I have the prescription, I just don't know how to pay for it yet.

We had snow Monday night which lasted 'till wednesday even though the snow was very light, it just never warmed up much to melt it all away. Still, it wasn't as pretty as last years snow. We're supposed to get snow again tomorrow.

I've actually had a little bit of energy this week so I'm trying to get some things done around here. I've got several loads of dishes done, took the Christmas tree down, got some swaps out the door and wrote our very late Christmas letter. I'll post that next.

Yay me!

Between our anniversary and my birthday (6/10 - 8/23) I've lost 13 pounds! 13!

What did I do different?

Followed my doctors advice to increase my Metphormine medicine, and I ate more dairy like milk, cottage cheese, and yogurt. Yup, that's it!

I'm so jazzed! I hope I continue to manage my PCOS this well. I know it's always a balancing act, but right now I feel like it's the first time I'm really winning!

Pair that with my anti-depressants working and also being relatively pain free this summer (my arthritis is also not bothering me so bad!) and I feel like I'm on top of the world!

This just really shows to me all the more that my size is not what I eat, but what my body does with it. Just thought I'd share how good I feel.