Advocating for myself is hard...

Just to warn you, I've been writing this post all night. It's 4 AM now and I think it's OK for it to be published, but I'm sure when I'm more awake I'll see more things that should have been edited. Still, I'd rather not put off this post, so I'm clicking publish and leaving it at that.

A couple weeks ago I had such a horrible RA flair-up that I just went to the ER to get some relief from the pain. There is a triangular muscle group (Trapezius) in the back that goes up the neck and to the shoulders, and on my left side this muscle group felt like it was on fire, tight & stiff and the pain would not stop! (on the right too, but more so on the left) I lost loads of sleep. The morning I went to the ER I hadn't slept except maybe an hour or two. After Kevin left for work I napped a little bit but a short time later I couldn't keep asleep, it kept waking me up. So I took an hour and a half to get dressed, and I bandaged my arm up in a make shift sling because the weight of my arm was too much on my back. Then I called Kevin to beg for some way to get to the ER. I certainly couldn't drive. He called our friend from church, Juliet, and she kindly came and picked me up and drove me to the ER. Kevin got a ride to the ER from a friend of his from work. So I spent the rest of the morning, and a little bit around noon waiting to see the ER doctor. He prescribed me pain medications because my current doctor doesn't give me anything for severe pain. He told me to see my doctors after some rest for further treatment.

Kevin made me an appointment for my Rheumatologist and I got the appointment relatively quick. She reacted very negatively to hearing that the ER doc prescribed me pain meds and said something along the lines of we don't do that here. Ah, Whatever! I needed relief and rest, I was grateful for it! It was the very thing I needed to get through that very painful flair up, which I'm thankful is done!

For the last few months my feet have become (a) HUGE (issue)! I literally can only wear three pairs of shoes, and one of the pairs are getting to be too snug, if the edema on the tops of my feet keep swelling at the rate they've been, I'll be down to one pair of flip flops and maybe showing up barefoot to certain places before too long. I'm not happy about this. When I told my RA nurse a couple months ago she seemed to only be concerned about if it was causing me pain, which it really isn't so long as I'm barefoot. The tops of my feet are very tender and feel bruised if touched, but really that's it. So I spend all my time at home barefoot. Thank God it's summer and that's appropriate. But last month when I was visiting my cousin in Montana I was wearing flip flops in snow, and it seemed a bit ridiculous! I'm currently shopping around to find a pair of decent shoes (that I can dress up or down) that work with this edema. I know with RA I should have better shoes than the ones currently in my closet, but right now these swollen feet are (literally) pressing the matter to happen sooner rather than later. I've been to several shoe stores and have yet to find something that works. After payday I hope to go to a specialty shoe store and see what I can find. Back when I did the arthritis walk I got a business card for a shoe store in Everett that seems promising, so I hope to go there soon.

Back in the start of April I submitted a records transfer request to send my records to a different clinic that I hope to start using. They have 6 Rheumatologists in one place so I believe there will be someone who will listen and help me there. Anyway, the current place never transfered the records. So I filled out the form again and when we went to my appointment last week I submitted ANOTHER in person. This still hasn't worked. I called the new place today and they still don't have anything. I'm going to call the current one in a few hours and see what they have to say.

I have a nurse advocate from our insurance company who calls to check up on me a couple times a year. She calls to make sure I'm getting the care I need. She made her latest call yesterday and asked about my arthritis and if I'm finding my treatment to be working. I told her all about this huge issue and she instantly jumped on board to help me. She's going to call me again in a week and if the records still aren't transfered she's going to call my current clinic to push them to do it! WOW! I'm so not used to fighting for myself, and honestly I've let this go two months simply because first I went on a trip to my cousin's house, then I had this flair up, and then after that my in-laws came to help with spring cleaning. The whole time I've wondered what I'd do about it, but have been distracted. Since they weren't doing it I thought about going back to my general practitioner and asking him to request my records be sent to him for my annual physical, and then to have his office transfer them... but I just haven't gotten around to that, and now I might not need to do that extra step. If this works I'll be very grateful. The pain I had for almost two weeks was some of the worst in my life, and it's really made me rethink things such that I can see now that I really should have better care than this from my doctors. Some of my closest friends who've been praying with me about this have been telling me that all along the way, but I'm so reluctant to stick up for myself, I don't know why.

At times I've asked about disability. I've chosen to not work for the last 4 years because I know my physical limits and I just can't do the 'daily grind' anymore. Sometimes this is really hard. I don't feel like I have much to talk about with others since I'm a disabled housewife. Every time I've ever brought up the idea of disability to my current doc I've been told things along the line of "no, we want you to keep moving as much as possible." Now I'm not seeking disability status to claim monetary benefits. I don't have enough work credits to qualify for it anyway. But there are days where I must run errands and then because of all the walking I end up sleeping for a couple days after that, or up all night that night with cramps and pain. I know that if I could have that closer parking spot sometimes, I could save a bit of energy that I need to not over exert myself and still be able to do more later. I am all for walking as much as I can when I know I'm doing well, and I willingly will park far to have a nice walk if I'm up to it, but on the other days I tend to wait for Kevin to get home so we can go out together so I can be dropped at the door while he parks, or to wait in the car. It's pitiful. A couple nights ago we went to the movies (Saw the latest Night at the Museum movie, that was a lot of fun!) and afterwards we went to Safeway to buy another 5 gallons of water. Well, after sitting in the movie theater chair for the whole movie, I started having a hard time walking again, so I stayed in the car, as I often do, while Kevin ran in. As I was waiting I saw a woman of similar build as me, who was walking in the same stiff gait as I was and she had parked in the closest handicapped spot. I got to thinking about how in those few seconds I saw of her life that she and I probably share the same affliction and that whatever her journey was to it, she had a doctor on her side who put her in disability status and she had her placard. I noticed she was maybe a decade older than me, but probably not any more than that, and I pondered if it was an age thing, is it just simply harder for younger people to make the case that they need certain helps? But then I got to thinking about my issues with this clinic and having to go to the ER for pain management, and how none of this was quiet right and I really got to thinking, I NEED TO GET ON PEOPLE'S cases about all this. I was also empowered by reading this blog post about winning one's disability case and really learned a lot, the key being that to win your case you need to not spend as much time proving ones illness, but proving how it impacts your life and why/what it limits you. I got to thinking about how it's not intentional, but I tend to downplay this issue a lot. I rattle off quickly the list of ailments, but I don't talk about the dishes that fill the sink, counter, and floor near it (now no longer an issue, for now, thanks so much to the loving help from my mother in law! I'm proud to say so far I'm keeping it up too!) or the carpets that haven't been vacuumed in ages, or the rest of the list of house chores I put off because I can't do them, or that get backlogged because I just can't do as much as I once had. I realized these are the things I do need to yell to a doc about!

In a month and a half I turn 30. My goal for my birthday is to have a good pair of shoes, a new appointment set up at the new office, discuss disability status, and start seriously shopping for the walker I know I could use on my worst of days. A year or so ago I just got fed up one day and bought myself a cane in the grocery store. I use it maybe a day or two a week, but I'm in no means dependent on it. The doctor I currently see wasn't going to recommend it because she wanted me to move through the stiffness and not be dependent on devices. The problem being that when I need it, before I had it, I WOULDN'T move around AT ALL and now with it I CAN! And I know this will be true with a walker too. I won't need it every day. I'll have my days with nothing, and I'll have my days with a cane, and I'll have my days with a walker, and all of it will be so I AM able to keep moving! Right now I have my good days where I can move rather freely, and then my days where I need the cane, and then days were standing for more than a few seconds is painful and trying, it's for those days that I plan on having a walker. This should help me keep up better around the home, and hopefully keep me from missing as much church as I have from time to time. I'm hoping my new doc will be on board with me regarding this.

If you're curious about what this latest flair up looked like, here is my pain map. I'm glad I save myself a copy. to get a better view of it, right click the image and open in a new tab.

More about that mystery post.

OK, so the "official word from blogger" is that it was a small bug with some routine testing. But still I'm not really happy about this and will likely move this blog to a different publisher soon.

As another blogger said, "Some people seem to think that this is an accident. Personally, I think it's much more dubious than that. Either way, I hope that the folks at Google fix the loophole that lets people post (either accidentally or on purpose) to other peoples' blogs." I've got to agree, not knowing initially how that happened I feared the worst about my blog and am now uncomfortable about the idea that something else could potentially be published on my blog that I didn't write that next time might not be so benign. Yeah, I'm really thinking this google glitch is a little to big for me to feel OK with keeping my blog publishing through them much longer.

Anyone want to teach me the finer points of iWeb or Wordpress?

Maddie has hyperthyroidism.

Our poor cat Maddie has had a rough week. The last several months she's been loosing weight and sleeping more even with still eating and drinking and using the litter-box fine.

Friday she vomited white liquid and I knew something really wasn't right. Kevin bought a box of canned food from Costco and we've been feeding her that, which seems to agree with her stomach better. She did OK during the weekend but on Monday couldn't keep anything down, and her breath and puke smelled really bad.

Monday was very stressful for both Maddie and I because while she was sick the power and internet were out, and the first time she puked she got it all over herself so I had to give her a bath in the sink, in a dark bathroom. The picture is of her all toweled up after her bath. You can tell she's unhappy, but trusting I'm doing right by her. The second time she puked, she was using her whole body so hard to do it that she choked on it and stopped breathing for a few seconds. I had to grab her and massage her to breathe, it was like the force knocked the wind out of her. I think that's what freaked me out the most and told me this wasn't normal cat regurgitation of hair-balls, but that she was sick and needed the vet.

Monday started out bad for me, with the internet going down, followed an hour or so later with the power going out too. I still don't know why these things happened, but the internet was down most of the day, and the power was out for several hours. We have VOIP for our home phone, so with both being down (heck even when it's just one or the other) I wasn't able to use the home phone. I tried several times to text and call Kevin, but his phone was off so I was growing more frustrated not knowing why I hadn't heard back from him. I finally got so upset after her second round of major puking that I called his number at work to speak to him. He was surprised as he didn't know his phone was off, and agreed that Maddie needed to see the vet. So I immediately called and took her in an hour later.

I took her to the vet and we had several tests of lab work done to find out what's going on. So far the diagnosis is that she has hyperthyroidism. She had a fever while we were there, and was badly dehydrated, so she's on antibiotics now, and was given a large injection of fluids. It seemed they doubled her weight when we were done there! She's perked up some with the fluids and antibiotics, but still needs to be put on medications for her hyperthyroidism. We're trying to figure out how we can pay for her now extra expenses as she'll need these meds for the rest of her life.

She knows I'm taking care of her too. Normally she's pretty aloof, but lately has been following my every move. Mostly hoping I'll keep giving her more food, which she hasn't run out of, but feeling how she does she's concerned that she always have enough. She's currently eating a whole can all by herself everyday! As well as having all the kibble and water she wants available to her.

She's a good cat, and we don't want to give up on her. We want to give her the best life possible, as much as we can. She may be a grouchy girl, but she's ours, we love her, and she's very intelligent, and we respect that about her. We're hoping with these medications that she'll continue to improve and will have more time with us, she deserves that. She's our little girl, and we've had her all of our 9 years of marriage.

Siggy is being trying as he's not getting as much attention as he's used to. So he's doing many naughty things. We have our printer on the very top of the entertainment center so that it's out of the way, and while I was printing an invoice the other day I heard this loud clashing sound. I ran out of the office to the living-room to see what the heck happened and found Siggy on the top of the entertainment center about 6 feet above the ground, trying to steal the printer paper! After getting my picture I had to climb up and pull him down as he wasn't listening about getting down. I was very frustrated. Today he's been a bit better behaved. But I think that's just because we've been letting him in the bedroom while we sleep again, so he doesn't feel so neglected. But we can't do that all the time either. I hope that as she perks back up they will get back to playing together more again and that his behavior will improve.

Right now she's in her bed grooming herself and purring. She seems really content, and that makes me so happy. Since going to the vet she hasn't puked at all, which I know both her and I are very thankful for. Now that she's doing a bit better I need to get the steam cleaner out and clean all the spots in the carpet from Friday and Monday. I'm so thankful I have my own steam cleaner. The only problem for me is actually getting it done. My hips and back are causing me immense pain. And my legs are weak. Stress always adds to my daily arthritis pain & stiffness. Additionally the weather has been changing a lot again, and the barometric shifts really are murder on my joints. Even still I was able to ride my stationary bike for almost 4 miles this week. I think I need to take a break though so this doesn't turn into a major flare. I'm already dealing with a lot of pain while at rest. I have an appointment to see my nurse rheumatologist on the 6th and am trying to tough it out with just Tylenol alone as I've run out of meds before then. I'm using my cane a lot to get around, and really wishing I had already bought a walker as it would be a lot more useful right now. Tomorrow I'm just going to rest. It seems like that's working for Maddie, so maybe I'll have a chance now too.

I felt a little earthquake!

OK, so a few minutes ago I felt one very quick light jolt. I wasn't sure if it was lightning rumbling or an earthquake, so I went to the USGS site and saw that one was just reported in Sultan at the time I felt it! Yikes! The computers report it was a magnitude 2.4, so fairly light. I didn't see anything move at all. Seemed like barely anything. I don't think Kevin noticed it, he just kept on snoring. I'm guessing anyone who was asleep slept right through it because it was so quick and light.

Earthquakes always seems so strange to me. The crazy thing to me is how easily I feel these light quakes. I felt one almost a year ago that was even lighter.

I'm grateful it's like this, just nothing really, but it makes me wonder if I'll ever feel a very big quake here...

I saw (and felt!) some of the horrors of the '89 quake in Northern California, and every little quake I've ever felt since has reminded me to be grateful that I haven't had to deal with such a quake again. But it always leaves me wondering too. I may not be in California anymore, but I am still near the Pacific Coast. I'm grateful for God's protection.

'The church of Oprah exposed.'

I do not watch Oprah. For years now there has just been something that rubs me wrong about her. I've been disturbed by the magazines in the check out line that month after month have her on the cover. I'm perplexed as to who buys it.

Last month I wrote a blog post "Does more harm than good" because someone had posted on my blog their advice to me, that I was causing my ailments to myself and that I needed to read this book they learned about from Oprah. I ignored it for the most part, the Oprah reference, and made my reply publicly known, but now I'm reflecting on how there really is a 'church of Oprah' and that commenter on my blog post was simple one of her followers, so blinded by a false truth that she accused me of causing my own issues and offered no real help at all.

I've come across several videos on YouTube tonight... just random surfing brought me to this, but it seems important to share what I landed on, and it made me think about that post from last month.

Now keep in mind, I firmly believe that the Bible is God's Holy word. That verses quoted are quoting God, with this in mind I quote the following...

Exodus 20:5 (English Standard Version) You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me.

In this video Oprah talks about her departure from traditional Christianity as a response to hearing a pastor talk about God being jealous. Now I agree that it is hard for us to understand in our limited human nature, but I want to point something out here. God is saying this because of idols and false gods, wanting His children to follow Him, the ONE TRUE GOD! It's our limited human understanding of the word jealous that makes us think of some wounded kid pouting about not having something, but that isn't all jealousy is, and it's not all God is. The bible is full of examples of the character of God. This is one of them, as is love, but it doesn't mean one negates the other. Just like people who know me could describe me as shy and open, just because I am shy doesn't mean I hide who I am, and just because I'm open doesn't mean I don't shy away sometimes... The same thing follows here.

So with this in mind, I leave you with one of the videos I came across tonight.


This next video is of Oprah on Larry King talking about that book that I was 'recommended' and she's describing the 'Law of Attraction' I guess something that is described in the book. As I'm listening to this I'm thinking this again limits God, and our relationship with Him. The good AND the bad in our lives are all gifts and journeys that God gives us and puts us on. To say that there is a 'Law of Attraction' to attain the things we desire not only limits God's gifts, but says, "God, I don't want what you want for me, but to dictate to you God what I want from you." and I think that's a very dangerous and shallow place to be.



So I post all this not to bash Oprah, but because I was suprised by all of this. I wanted to point out what God showed my heart while watching this, and simply to say why I dismissed that recommendation last month.

In all honesty I haven't given this woman much thought because I don't follow her, but as the first video rightly points out, there are many who do read her articles and watch her shows, and we need to be mindful of what we allow into our lives and homes.

Deuteronomy 5:29
Oh that they had such a mind as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever!

1 Chronicles 22:18-19
"Is not the LORD your God with you? And has he not given you peace on every side? For he has delivered the inhabitants of the land into my hand, and the land is subdued before the LORD and his people. Now set your mind and heart to seek the LORD your God. Arise and build the sanctuary of the LORD God, so that the ark of the covenant of the LORD and the holy vessels of God may be brought into a house built for the name of the LORD."

Isaiah 26:2-4
Open the gates, that the righteous nation that keeps faith may enter in.
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.

Nehemiah 6:7-9

And you have also set up prophets to proclaim concerning you in Jerusalem, 'There is a king in Judah.' And now the king will hear of these reports. So now come and let us take counsel together." Then I sent to him, saying, "No such things as you say have been done, for you are inventing them out of your own mind." For they all wanted to frighten us, thinking, "Their hands will drop from the work, and it will not be done." But now, O God, strengthen my hands.

Proverbs 19:20-22
Listen to advice and accept instruction,
that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.
What is desired in a man is steadfast love,
and a poor man is better than a liar.

Proverbs 28:25-27
greedy man stirs up strife,
but the one who trusts in the LORD will be enriched.
Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool,
but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.
Whoever gives to the poor will not want,
but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse.

Of pot roast and pot pies.

Living with chronic illness means that there are a lot of times when we eat prepared meals. It's not something I'm proud of, but sometimes I need a little help from the grocery store, the nights I'm not well enough to stand in the kitchen and cook.

I always make way more than we need each time I do cook so we can have leftovers, and I try to make things we won't get tired of or that I could quickly adapt into something else later.

Anyway, so last night, the highlight of my so unproductive week long flair up, was making pot roast. It wasn't the greatest, and I certainly noted a few things to do different next time. Didn't matter to the Hubster... He devoured his entire portion and praised me for it most of the evening. Even willing to have it as seconds tonight. So tonight I made us pot-pies to go with our pot roast. By 'make' I mean I thawed out and baked some brand name pre-made ones. Now, mind you, we've had these before, but normally as a snack, not eating them with something else. As we ate, we wondered how we ever ate these before! What was it that was in these that made them so completely bland, and the roast I made so flavorful. It felt like a magic trick of the taste-buds. I got to thinking, hey, I'm not that bad of a cook. Really I know I'm not, but I'm trying to remain humble.

Needless to say, I'm thinking about buying more freezer containers and making even more meals ahead on my good days, this is just pathetic. It was strange too to recall times when these little pot-pies have tasted so good and how disappointing they were tonight. It was also quite shocking to see that this particular brand has now taken to supplementing the meat with soy... no wonder the meat tasted gross and was so un-naturally soft. We agreed that Marie Calendar's is probably the only pot pies we like anymore... and even still, we probably should have me make home-made stuff ahead of time, as much as possible from now on.

This is an honor and a frustration though. I pride myself in becoming as best of a cook as I possibly can, so I'm always happy when I hear my food does please and satisfy, but as someone who most days doesn't have the energy I need to get it all done this also becomes quite a chore. I want to make us the food that is best for us, but if I'm too sick to sit or stand at the stove what do I do? And yes, I sit... I've bought a few different bar stools at different heights and it's a definite help with a lot of meals. Realistically though this isn't always a help, and I need something more.

Recently I've made some friends on line who also have Ankylosing Spondylitis and I was talking with one of them on-line last night, and she convinced me I need to invest in a walker. She was saying it's the best things she's done for herself. Believe me, it's something I've seriously considered quite a bit this last year. If it's something that helps keep me going on the bad days than that's a good thing, I think. There is now said walker on my amazon.com wish-list.

One of the hardest parts about chronic pain is that there are bad days, worst than bad days, and OK days too. And a lot of times people look at someone with a chronic pain illness and think well, their good days are how they are, and they just have to push harder on the bad days, and really that you've just given up. First of all, that outlook causes emotional pain. Daily life is such an ordeal with these illnesses, I know all my friends with chronic pain illness, and myself included, would give darn near anything to feel as strong and healthy as we once did. It does us no good to simply act as if we're just lacking a needed push. It makes us feel misunderstood, pained, and frustrated. Believe you me, if this was a matter of willpower, it'd be a different story.

The blessings of networking with others on-line & sharing these frustrations is that as we write, we share ways of sharing, giving perspective, and maybe, hopefully a new angle to share with others how our life is different.

I want my healthy friends and family to read this post by a fellow A.S. sufferer because as I read it I kept thinking that what she was writing was a cliff-notes version of my blog, and maybe hearing her share her words could give you better insight into my life. Yes, it's from her perspective of this disease, but I didn't read anything that isn't what I'd say, or have said.

This road is tough, and I need love and support from those around me as a result.

I need to honestly say that I'd love and appreciate meals brought over, this time of year especially. Don't break your bank, but home made, as opposed to pre-made is so much better, and I hate when we settle. I don't want to be a burden on anyone's grocery budget though.

Well, I need to start heading to bed. I've been sleeping about 11 hours on average lately, and I have women's fellowship tomorrow and don't want to miss it. At this rate I'm looking at taking a shower after I log off, crawling into bed, and when I roll out of bed tomorrow head on out to the meeting. It's at 1:00 PM. Now before you say, "Oh, I wish I could sleep like that!" Please know this is no luxury! I'm not getting rest at all these days, and much of that time is spent laying in bed praying the pain will go away enough to sleep well, only to dream about the pain, and wake up not rested. I hope tomorrow will be better, but I have to look at realistically how this week has been so far.

Good night blog friends, and blog readers. For now, I try to sleep.

Oh my! It's 3 am, in a matter of hours I'll be walking 3 miles!

Yup! It's 3 am and I'm up. I actually went to be super early and woke up around midnight, and now I'm struggling to get back to bed. I was SUPER thirsty. So now I should head back to bed to try and get a few more hours sleep before I leave to walk, but I just wanted to mention right now that we exceeded our goal! Kevin raised his goal and passed it a little, as did I. When the cash donation goes in tomorrow the two of us will have raised $370 for arthritis awareness, support, and research! Simply amazing!

Lots of last minute donations made it possible for Kevin to reach and exceed his goal before the walk, for which we are so thankful!


Now to get some sleep so I can be well rested and enjoy the event.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS CONTRIBUTED! IT MEANS A LOT!

Epiphany?

Tonight I'm struggling with the question of if I'm not being as close to Kevin as I could/should be because of my personal grief and suffering as an infertile woman. I'm not saying that we're hurting or anything right now, things are really good actually. I'm just wondering why I'm not enjoying these days of life with just the two of us more?

What got me thinking about all of this was looking at wedding pictures from a friend from junior high/high school. We're the same age, and he only just got married, I've been married 8 years. I tend to look at the other friends pictures more... the ones who've been married this long too, and now have 3 kids... and then I feel so horribly behind. I mean I did envision having that many this long into marriage myself, and I feel like these other friends are living my life. But THIS is my life. Me and Kevin, and our two cats, and our two fish. I think what keeps me from truly just enjoying this for what it's worth is worrying about others perceptions. I don't ever want people to think that we don't like kids, or that we don't want to have kids. People come to their own assumptions and conclusions too quickly without knowing the facts and this has hurt me before. We left a church because of that. That was huge. But also, I have such a gift of time right now. People wonder what the heck I do all day... well, this is some of it, writing on my blog, and following the blogs of my friends. Social network sites too, and reading books, watching the news, making meals, light housework, and before I know it, it's 5 and Kevin's home and the evening unfolds and another day ends. Or I'm off to a doctors appointment and maybe another errand, both types of things end up being all day tasks as the drive out of our area is so long.

Even before the disability of arthritis or the loneliness of infertility, I've always been a person stuck in my head. Always writing down more than I'd ever share in person, but willing to share with friends, and pen-pals who would read my scribbles. This is much the same now with blogging. So I've always spent my time much like this. It gives me peace, and a sense of human connection.

I was reading about my personality type yesterday. My type tends to mentally hold many things in all at once, and tends to have a hard time expressing these thoughts when needing to. It's probably why I prefer writing so much more than speaking. I can write and rewrite, and edit myself until I feel comfortable that my words should hopefully get across what needs to be said. But I know the weakness in this form of communication is not everyone reads every word and can often miss things if they don't hear it.

I'm going off in tangents and circles, but that's how my type things. Everything is interconnected in some real way that effects other things, but it's not linear. It's true for me too in how I and the world around me interact, or don't interact... I was cuddling Siggy today, and I had so much joy and peace and love simply from snuggling with my sweet, submissive, and loyal pet. But my brain was spinning, going in circles of if someone is missing him, wondering about his previous family. Someone had to have trained him to be so good. I wondered if it was simply the wondrous work of his foster family alone? I focused on just loving him back, regardless of how he came to the shelter and then rescue, he ultimately ended up in my home, sharing love with me. God's timing brought me the right cat at a time when I needed him and he needed Kevin and I. I'm blessed to have this fur-baby. He gives me perspective. And Lord willing, someday I might have a similar story of a child too.

With much prayer and focus, and love and prayer from others, my haunting dreams on my flesh and blood child are no longer keeping me from sleep. I again am at peace with the idea that we are most likely going to adopt, and while that child still feels so real, I understand that she may only exist in my dreams, or she may be someone I have to wait much longer to meet, but for now, I know it does not do to dwell on why she isn't here right now.

Why can't I be a newlywed of 8 years? Is the honeymoon only that very first vacation, or month or year? Over time and with routine, why do we become complacent, wanting more than just simple love and romance? If I did have children, would I still have this emptiness and be feeling it for something materialistic? I don't want that. I don't want infertility and childless to be an object. I don't want it to be a distraction. My life and time right now is still simple, as it was 8 years ago. I should enjoy this.

I'm grateful our love is not like some marriages that resemble being room-mates. We love each-other and are invested in each other, but how much of a fine line is it between not feeling like life is enough to pushing each-other away for your own lives? I don't want anything to distance us from each other.

Kevin will be an amazing father, but day in and day out, he doesn't think of our empty house in the same way I do. This puzzles me. And I know it's not that he doesn't want to be a dad, just that who he is is someone so in the moment that he sees things not immediately attainable as separate from the now. To me that ability seems like a gift and a curse. Who I am is constantly trying to see the big picture, the future, and to have an action plan. I don't want to be sitting on my hands, I want to be ready to move at a moments notice when the timing is right. Somehow we both need to come to the middle and share our strengths here.

On Friday a couple church family members came over and helped me with my kitchen. I still feel awful that things are this bad and that I have to ask for help. I worked most of the time along with them, but even still I was leaning on counters and sitting a lot, my back simply did not want me to work through a complete task, which is typical, and how this problem started to begin with. Throughout the day we got to know each other so much more. It was amazing how much you learn about someone in the comforts of your home instead of the formalness of a different place. The companionship and friendship made me forget all my issues of shame and regret about why my house is in such sad shape. One of the ladies brought her grand daughter. At first I wasn't sure what to expect. It's not like a 4 year old is going to be much help with a days worth of housework. But she was a joy to have around. She kept breaking out into song, and listening to the stories and sharing her own. It was just so neat to have her there. It also truly made me feel special that someone thought about bringing their kid (grand-kid) to our place, sometimes we can feel a bit closed off, and really we are completely open to our friends with kids, I just worry about if they get bored... But she didn't. She loved my cats, and my coloring pages, and when I think back to other times when we've had kids visit that tends to be the case, I don't need to worry about them not having a playmate while here. I'm sure it's be nice, but I'm seeing it's not required. Maybe this can calm my fears of if my children will have friends from our friends and family or not. And hopefully we'll be able to lead our kids to see the value of people both older and the same age as them. But that issue of discipline, as much as I think about it now, really ought to be saved for when it will later matter.

I'm still humbled and ashamed that I have to ask for help, that I can't simply act out all the cleaning and organizing I know needs to happen here. But in my weakness God is blessing me. He's giving me gifts of kind souls, friendship, fellowship, love and support. There has already been mention of helping me regularly, which I know I need. I'm still hurt to have to consider such a thing, but after this first time of accepting help, I see it's not such a bad thing. It helps knowing these loved ones are doing it out of Christ's love and Christian understanding, I don't think I'd be as OK with this if it was simply someone coming in to fix this mess. One of the most wonderful things about this jump start in reclaiming my kitchen is the relief in not having this continue to loom over me. To see this burden lifted, it lifts my spirits, praise God for loving friends and giving hearts!

Right now, it's 2 am and I should be sleeping. It's the Lord's day, and in a matter of hours I need to be rested, making the au gratin I'm brining for fellowship meal and preparing for heading to church. But I can't sleep, not simply because my brain is going, but because my neck and back are messed up. I'm waiting for this cold to go away so I can take my injection again. Life is a puzzle, there is always one thing that must be in place before another thing can come together. I could take my injection to reduce my inflammation, but then I risk this cold becoming an infection, I know I shouldn't risk it. I've had pneumonia before, and I was miserable, if I can avoid ever having it again I would. But in the mean time I'm still dealing with my muscles, and I'll be sleepy, and whatever other consequences, but that should be better than pneumonia. Just like waiting on God's timing for children should be better than whatever might happen now if I simply had my wish and continued to deal (or not deal,) with these other things.

It's all circles, and puzzle pieces, fragments, and tangents. But God keeps making clear my path, I'll continue to trust in Him. Looking forward I may feel lost, but looking back I truly see the blessings of how our needs have been provided for. My heart mends, and I hold hope that the cracks in my heart that hurt me now, will also be healed someday.

Honest to blog! A blog post about the movie Juno.

As a Christian, I'm always a bit worried about movies for teens and what message they're sending the youth of today. There certainly is a great deal I can (and do) object to in this movie. That being said, I think it was a wonderful movie, one I'm proud to own, and I think, in the bigger picture of things this movie may do some good to change the perception of things in the world today.



First of all. I'm very hesitant to just give a blanket recommendation to anyone with teens that they make this a family movie. Being someone who doesn't have kids I tend to stay clear of such things. However Kevin and I had the idea that a mature mid teen could probably handle the movie, though that should be considered knowing the maturity of the child. The movie is rated PG-13.

There is sex in this film and the viewer needs to know how to deal with the images. All you see are naked feet and legs, and his chest for a couple seconds, in some ways less than a lot of other things trying to depict such an image. Pretty much anyone after puberty wouldn't have a hard time figuring out what's going on. To give a comparison, I believe it to be much tamer than the sex scene in Titanic, but with a bit of the same vagueness of scene.

I was curious about this movie because of how well it's selling and by the descriptions I've read about it. The advertisements I've heard have witty lines, and it, in general looked appealing to me. Juno knows she screwed up, she knows she can't be a teen mom, and it's a quirky adventure following Juno's path to find what is right for her and her unborn baby.

Now, to anyone new to reading my blog, my husband and I have been married 8 years and still don't have kids. It's something that has been heartbreaking for us. We are currently preparing to try to conceive, but because I have a known reason for infertility (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome) as well as dealing with arthritis in my back, while we're planning to try soon, the odds are stacked against us. So adoption is something we think about often. The only thing really blocking us being finances. But us and our decision not to adopt right now is a different blog post altogether. I mention all this because knowing my own infertility, and growing my faith as a Christian, I've become firmly rooted in my beliefs that life starts at conception and as a result abortion is morally wrong. But I'm not writing this review to go into that all that much right now either.

The movie does a poor job, I feel dealing with the issue of differing beliefs regarding abortion. But for her reasons, Juno chooses life for her child, and as one character in the film congratulates her for saving her babies life, I still had a sour taste in my mouth from seeing Juno even go into the abortion clinic. I don't want to go into too many details here since I don't want to be a plot spoiler. But knowing some of the people who read my blog, I thought it important to mention that such a place is in the film, though fortunately the technical aspects only go as far as the front counter and waiting-room. On the other hand, I felt like that scene showed the scumminess and sadness of the situations that lead someone into a place like that. It makes Juno question her already huge dilemma more.

Juno's journey shows a wonderful support system for her and her choice, in regards to her friends and family, It also shows a lot of the realities a child in her situation would face dealing with the outside world and there perceptions of her visually obvious situation. She still deals with nasty looks from people in the community, but she doesn't let this sway her, she stays strong, knowing her choice is right.



Juno (and this is on the back cover, so unless you avoid the back cover I shouldn't be giving away more.) makes the decision to find a couple to adopt her baby. There is a bit of worldliness in her response, she doesn't like the ads for the "wholesome" families, and she states flippantly that she wouldn't be opposed to a same sex couple having her baby, she just wants to find a couple she'd like to be the parents. While those things didn't completely settle well with me, she is staying firm in her choice to let the unborn baby live and responsibly find it a home. Something that I feel is very strong of her and while she may be a fictional character, I rejoiced for her decision (knowing real teens in their own situations will be seeing this movie and it will have some pull on them. Hopefully to also do the right thing.)

I love the sub-plot of Juno's relationship with the babies father, and how they mature together with the realities of the situation they got themselves into. Theirs is a sweet and awkward high school love story, put on a different spin as they work through continuing getting to know each other, but with a less than normal situation among them. Just like any sweet romance you feel bad for them when they hit rough parts in who they are, and cheer for them when they find and grow their love for each-other.




I think the rolls of the adoptive couple must have been a hard roll to do. I know for my husband and I, we feel, unless you are a couple only dreaming of a child it's hard to know how to accurately portray that longing desire. But I think Jennifer Garner did a phenomenal job relaying the emotions of a heartbroken woman just wanting to be a mom, without her seeming like a flat character who is just a baby-wanting basket-case. It showed her being ready to be a mom, and the nesting she was drawn towards even though her soon to be child wasn't growing inside of her.



Considering how secular the film is, I think the language was moderately mild. It certainly had words in it I wouldn't say myself, but it's hard to avoid that in most movies these days. The extras on the DVD are at times laced with tons of f-bombs. The film also has various version of using the Lord's name in vain, so a warning to some there. I still think, in the end, looking at the plot as a whole, it's a movie that will make people think: about the sanctity of life, when it starts, and the consequences of teen pregnancy - but also the hidden blessings that result from Juno's choices regarding her situation. I think it was a fresh view of a story that can seem very typical and overdone, but this was done in an edgy, hip way that hopefully will, and seems to appeal to the people who need to think about these things the most.

On a scale of 5 stars in general I give it a 5. It was incredibly sweet and enjoyable story, while still having realness and edge. I think I cried about 3 times for various scenes in the film. And I'm not normally a blubbery viewer. The story touched me because of it's uniqueness and strength.

As far as being family friendly a couple stars drop off... it's not for young kids, but teens could learn something from the reality of Juno's story. It's not completely moral, but I feel Juno makes the best of the situation she got herself into.

The music was loads of fun and I hope to eventually get the soundtrack as well. It's different songs, not like the typical pop trash in a lot of popular movies.

I think Ellen Page did a great job! She's a bright and talented actress who really brought Juno to life. I look forward to seeing her in many rolls to come. She made Juno into a quirky and fun character who made me want to adopt her baby.



Thank you for reading my review. If you've seen the movie too please let me know what you think. And if my review leads you to consider viewing it please let me know that too. I'd also love to know what you think after viewing it.

LOTR - Lithium

I finally got Evanescence's album "The Open Door" and was surprised that a couple songs I've been trying to find weren't on it. I ended up finding out that it's on the even older ones, the ones pre- wind-up records. So now I'm not sure how to get them, but I'm glad to finally have this album, now I can listen to them anywhere instead of just off of my blog music list.

As I've been trying to find out more about the rarer songs from my favorite group I came across this cool video. Someone spliced the music (Lithium) with scenes from Lord of the Rings. Kevin and I really enjoyed it.

(EDIT)
I originally had the video embedded here, but that wasn't working... so if you're interested you can download it from here...

http://www.projectlycan.com/PLLotRL.html

36 days until mother's day!

I think I finally figured out what my purpose for now is! I mean, for in the mean time, before I'm blessed to have kids. It's the blessing part. See, all of you who are BLESSED to be parents are just that... BLESSED! Children are a wonderful gift from God. At the risk of sounding like someone who just doesn't understand the day in and day out stress of having children let me say that something that has been heavy in my heart is seeing how many families are tired. Where the mom gets a spa day and feels it's her earned right as mom because she just has to get away. I can't know that right now, just like others can't know the loneliness of being childless. I think my purpose now is to try and help people see that they have a beautiful wonderful blessing of a gift. That no child is ever an accident, even if they are unplanned. Life is precious, and the ability to raise and form a growing mind is amazing! I hope all my friends and family who are blessed to have children can see this. Yes, the day in and day out can get tiring, but be glad you have a little one to give you kisses, or a bigger one your teaching to drive or whatever milestone they happen to be at. Treasure these moments. I'm saying you need to do this not because I think any of you are taking your children for granted, but because you have such an amazing gift. I would give anything to help my daughter whose loosing her first tooth, or a son whose being potty trained, or a daughter who makes me so proud doing well in the top of her class. You all have such amazing lives. Take time to take that into account.



I've heard recently from some people that I need to take time to weigh my blessings because they're sure that if I did I'd see the blessings outweigh the hurt I have. The truth of the matter is I do do that. But not having children, and wanting them, it's like someone dying every time your monthly visitor comes. Imagine it being the hope that maybe this month there would be a new amazing person to add to your family tree, and then the realization that it can't happen. Sure, it may be another month, but the more time goes by, the more it feels like a death. I honestly mean this, I'm not trying to be dramatic. There are some months where those cycles are just as much of a painful reminder as when November rolls around and I remember my grandfather is gone, and as much as I'd love to have him celebrate his birthday with Kevin like they would for their birthdays when he was alive, they can't do that, because he's gone. It hurts like that. It hurts like a lost loved one.

So just like someone who has lost a lover to an illness, or a parent earlier then they expected would tell you to treasure those around you, tell them you love them and don't take them for granted, I say the same. Don't take your children for granted. Take the time to give them a squeeze and tell them you love them, take the time to listen to their stories when they want to talk, take the time to watch them play. These things are all your gifts right now. Your blessings of being a parent! Cherish them!



Because this epiphany is so heavy in me right now, I hope to be more involved on-line with reading your stories and smiling at the photos you share. Reading about the milestones your are enjoying. Yes, it does hurt because I wish I could experience these things first hand, but I want to be an encouragement to you that you will enjoy these moments. Sure, get away every now and then. Have some alone time with the DLH, or pamper yourself at the spa with a girlfriend, but when you get back, I hope you can look at your child and think about how wonderful it is to have them in your life, that while some days may be hard, you wouldn't have life without them.

I hope I've been an encouragement to you in this post. And I know mother's day is still a month away, but to those of you out there, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

I may not be a mother, but I am a proud God-Mother. I love and cherish any moment I have with my God-son!

I also am a proud crazy cat lady... My fur-babies mean the world to me.

I don't know why I'm up.

I guess my sniffles are keeping me up, and I have no idea how I came across this flickr picture, but I've always loved vintage Cosco stools! I'd love to own one someday. I've seen them at the antiques store near me, but always for more money than I can spend. Same is true with an old Singer sewing desk, but anyway...

I saw this picture and loved how it was recovered. I just thought I'd post it because I'm still holding out hope I can pick one of these up at a yard-sale or something. Or maybe someday grandma Juett will let me have hers. It has special memories for me of Thanksgivings as a kid. I always willingly lifted the stool seat and sat on the steps at the kids table to make do with the shortage of chairs that always seemed to happen. I miss those meals with Grandma and Grandpa. With everyone grown, moved away, and some dear loved ones no longer with us, sometimes it feels like that's all just in the passed. But I see it as a legacy, and someday we'll have kids and Thanksgiving meals at our house, that'll be nice.

Wow, I didn't know I'd get so lost in my head over seeing one vintage chair. But you've got to admit, a kitchen stool that doubles as a step ladder is pretty awesome. Why don't companies make things this cool anymore!?

OK so...

My 'break' isn't going to be like I completely ignore the digital world. I was watching the news today and had a very strong urge to blog about it, but really, what I mean by my break is I know that in order to do the things I need to do in the next few weeks, I'm not going to be able to be on-line as much as I'd like to.

I feel bad when I don't make time every day to check my favorite blogs, but I also know I can get sucked into bloglandia and ignore the real world a little too much and right now I need to play catch-up.

So, that thing in the news I was thinking about blogging about was my reactions to news that an 11 year old girl passed away because her parents didn't take her to the doctors to treat diabetes and she was so sick for a month straight before she died, and it all was so simply medically preventable. The parents said they simply didn't have enough faith. I'm thinking sure, there is faith in people too, not just prayer to God. I'm not saying that God can't just make a miracle happen if we ask, but I do think he gives doctors wisdom and ability to heal. He is the great physician, but He isn't the ONLY physician.

I take this pretty personally. I know that there are lots of folks out there that think traditional medicine is evil or bad in some way, but I know that with all the things I deal with, I am extremely grateful for the help and care of my doctors. I pray that they will have the knowledge to help me during our visits, and that I'll have the clarity of mind to express correctly what I need to share so my doctors know my concerns and understand my issues. I trust that God allows me to deal with the diseases I do so that I have the interactions I do, and, quite honestly to express that this is a broken fallen world, and only in HIS glory will we be free of ailments and issues. So long as I'm on this sinful rock I'll have to deal with something. I'm OK with that. I pray God uses me.

So my heart aches that this young girl lost her life because her parents couldn't trust medicine and doctors and limited the girls treatment to only prayer. I am amazed and grateful for all the people who know me in real life, and only in bloglandia who pray for me simply because I express my health issues. But I know that isn't the only way to treat things. The power of prayer truly is amazing, I don't deny that at all, but things like this just make me think about the fleck and the plank that Christ spoke about. Sometimes things are as simple as removing the physical issues. Just make a step to do something. I guess, not everything is to only be treated with prayer.

I don't want to offend someone who refuses medical treatment, and I am amazed that there are those who only want to put their faith in God. I admire that, and in a lot of instances I'm sure it's just as well, but as someone who knows that my life is better not just through prayer, but medical treatment, it just feels limiting, and I never want to limit God. If I'm called to take pills and this is something God wants me to go through in this life, I have to trust He has a reason for that.

I'm sure I'm going in circles, it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm mostly asleep, but I wanted to get these things out of my head.

Good morning/goodnight my blog friends!

Blogging break

I don't know how long or short it's going to be, but I'll be taking a break from blogging for a while. I need to regroup, spring clean, and help my husband. We have some trips planned, starting with Kevin going to SLC, Utah for a business trip.

I also want to really focus on adding lots more to my Etsy store. That means more production and more listings.

I have a lot on my plate.

I've been dropping out of swaps left and right, as well as not signing up for more. I'd love to keep going on this hobby, but it's another one I need to step back from for a while. I will fulfill my current commitments.

To all the bloggers I follow, please let me know via e-mail of posts you want to make sure I don't miss during my break. My e-mail address is in my profile.

My arthritis still has me slow, even though I'm not as bad as I've been during the winter. I still have a lot of slow, and stiff days. I still need to schedule my MRI's, now that I know I can.

Anyway, I'm midnight blogging here so I don't know how much sense it makes, but I thought this needs to be said. I just wanted to let people know I haven't fallen off of the face of the earth. :-)

Worthless hands, but I can count on just 1 of them how many people have done my hair!

OK, So those of you who know my family know that among my mom's various trades, she's been a beautician. That being said, I've never paid for a haircut in my life. I've also only had a handful of people touch my hair. Mom's done the majority of it, and since moving to Washington, my dad's cousin has done most of the rest (she lives just a town away!) Aside from those two ladies. The wife of one of Kevin's best friends did my hair for our wedding, and one time in Indiana my sister in law paid her neighbor to cut my bangs out of my eyes while we were there. I've since got pretty decent at cutting my own bangs so I make 5.
Considering all this, I tend to let my hair go and not do anything with it. I feel a little guilty letting someone play with my hair and not let me pay them, but being poor I suppose it's a blessing too. Oh, and we don't have anyone for Kevin either, I just shave his head every couple of weeks! ;-)

Anyway, in the spring, and definitely by summer I usually want something done. I was thinking of getting something pretty darn short, and still might in a couple months, I don't want to get too hot while we're in CA in a couple months. But for now I only had Aunt Sandy cut off 5 inches. She also cut my bangs the way I like them, I can't get them this cute on my own. And as always she spoiled me by styling it for me so I can post silly pictures of myself. Because I know mom will most likely wonder why I wouldn't post a smiling picture I'll post both, but I like the way my hair looks better in my serious picture.




On a completely random note, I've been crocheting a lot lately. I've made Mica, her daughter and myself scarves, and I've been taking inventory of my yarn too, I've found I'd love more wool, but I do like the really soft acrylics too, I kept playing with this one skein of oh so soft acrylic and trying to figure out what to make with it, so I made this, it's my first attempt at a crocheted basket. I know the handle is pretty big, but I still liked making it. It reminded me of my Easter basket, so I got that out too and put out my eggs.

The other part of my post... While I've actually been crocheting lately, my hands just hurt and are still stiff a lot of the time. I LOVE my swing-away jar opener (I got it from Grandma Tallmon's kitchen, I think I need more.), without it we wouldn't eat. I'm finding I'm not beading anywhere near like I used to. I still love to, and I love all the wonderful bead things both sets of parents gave me for Christmas, but man alive! I made a bracelet for a swap about a month ago and it took me FOREVER! And on top of that I had to stop about 3 times to rub my hands and get the feeling back in my fingers. My rheumatologist knows all this, that's one reason we're changing my meds around again. There have also twice been the mentions of putting me back on prednisone as my sed. rate is still elevated too. So it's strange, some days I'm completely fine and can crochet for hours on end, and other days I can't get out of bed again. Now that's a crappy way to end a blog post, so I'll ask this... Should I get my hair colored too!? I've been thinking about how I love Ferria's Starry night black hair color, but both aunt Sandy and Kevin love my natural almost black brown. I love it too, just so long as the wind doesn't blow and reveal my grey hairs I've had for 10 years now. They're all under, so long as my hair stays neat I only ever am the one who notices them... I wonder if it'd be bad to use a black sharpie to color them... ;-)

Oh, and for the record. I was thinking about doing something with my hair BEFORE Mica did something with hers. I love her pictures, but it's been too stinking long since we've hung out, so now we get to compare haircuts when we do finally see each-other again.

On a completely random note, someone saw my Beatrix Potter bag and asked me to make them one too! I've got a potential sale! I really should get to sewing so I can put some more things on my shop.

Organization. Poopieness.

OK, so this is just some of the disorganization that is my office/studio. Can I just say this is my before, and the next pic is my after? ;-)


All I have to say is; "Wow! I hope that someday I can get the office/craft room to look like this someday!" I know I can get a photo with an angle more like that, but not currently, because behind me taking my picture are the desks, filing cabinets, chairs and other garbage. The big tall thing against the wall was the previous owners attempt to add more shelving in the closet. It's bent, and I'm not sure how to get it up there, plus, as you can see in my photo, wire shelving isn't the best for here anyway... So I want this!



I came across this well organized studio from a swap friend's flickr page. It looks like it is about the same size as our office/craft room. We even have the door to the side of the closet like that. But also two doors on the wall to the left of it all. So I want to make that one door and section right next to the closet into a linen closet (flip the door around and seal a wall, so it opens into the hallway instead of the room.) Now I want these shelves in the main closest, and to remove the closets sliding-doors as well, in this same future project. It'll be so much more useful then!

I'm not trying to be copy-cat here, but when I saw this photo I thought, gee, it's like it's pulled out of my brain, what I want to do with this room! Over time. I know I want to paint the walls too, but the curtains in this room are a dark red and I'm not sure what to pair with that without it getting too dark, but I hate the white in practically every room. I know I could replace the curtains too, but I actually like these, and I don't want even more expense. First, though, I still need to get the paint up in the kitchen. I hate still seeing my fire damage. Cleaning while being someone with mobility issues sucks, and takes a REALLY long time.

Sorry if any of this sounds crabby. Siggy woke me up after only 4 hours of sleep. He wanted in the bedroom. When I came out and didn't let him in (so Kevin can sleep a few more hours before getting ready for work) he didn't want anything to do with me! That darn cat! So I'm sure I'll be sleeping mid morning yet again, I probably would have been back on track with sleep if it wasn't for him.

I think I might have picked up pink eye at the grocery store last night. As we were watching TV before bed my eye started acting all watery, itchy, and puffy... like allergy eyes, so I put in some allergy eye drops and it calmed down some, and then when I woke up my eye is all puffy and yucky. I don't quite know if it's just inflammation and red because of being tired and allergies, or if I picked up pink eye. I'll keep watching it, but I'm thinking it's the latter because my eyes have that achy feeling I remember from when I've had pink eye before. Hey, does anyone know how frequent you can have that anyway? It seemed like when I was a kid I'd get it EVERY single time I ever came in contact or close proximity to someone with it. Oh well... I guess since I'm up I should think about breakfast instead of crabby blogging. Hope everyone else is having a better morning than me.

Now, to save this post and use this photo as inspiration for getting this office into shape!

Blog migration, and boring ramblings about my R.A. clinic visit.

Yesterday I had a doc appointment at the R.A. clinic. Actually it was with the nurse practitioner who I like so much better. I'm going to always ask that my appointments be with her from now on.

She totally listened to me. Helped me go over my meds list to change things up. As much as I was hating to go (I've been thinking of just finding a new Rheumatologist), I'm so glad I went! She looked at the sores on my head (I've got some scalp sores that at first I thought were winter itch, but they haven't been healing) and she said they were from one of my RA meds that she's having me stop anyway.

She gave me some topical patches to try, I'm wearing one and it's working very well. I'm so tempted to just mummify myself in this stuff, but I've got to make the sample last.

I'm set to get an MRI soon. I'll be making that appointment next week. She was very concerned about my hip pain, I was squirming in my seat a lot so I didn't have to express it too much, though I did have to describe it. It was completely night and day compared to my last visit when I saw the doctor who basically told me with RA I shouldn't have back and hip pain and wanted to know if it's maybe just stress. So I stressed out this whole month knowing it wasn't stress, but wondering what the heck might be going on. The nurse agrees with me that it's probably some form of spondyloarthropathy, which is just a big fancy word for RA in the back and hips. Duh, I've been telling them I'm dealing with that for almost two years now! From now on it's Nurse Chris! I really think she's the most on top of narrowing things down for me. After the MRI we figure out if I'll need physical therapy or just start with the massage therapy alone. I've got to find that gem of a prescription. I mean I get to go for massages once a week with it, how could I loose that! I suppose I could have asked for that to be re-written but I'll have to call in a couple days for the patches to be written up too so I'll do it then. In the mean time I'm just so grateful that the first signs of spring are starting to show up! My pain levels have gone down a lot, even though the last couple nights my hips have kept me up, I am doing better. My hands are amazingly so much better that I've crocheted two and a half scarfs in the last couple weeks. I even brought my crocheting with me to the office. I felt like the other patients where staring at me, but it kept me busy, I know a few months ago I'd be jealous of that too. And when nurse Chris saw me crocheting she immediately said, "So, the hands are better huh!?"

Now 'bout blog migration. If you were to look at my blogger profile you'd see I have a ton of blogs. And really this is the only one I use. So my plan in the next couple weeks is to migrate content from those blogs to this one and link them together with tags at the bottom of the post. Then I can keep a link on the side-bar to have the topics all together still, but unified under this one blog.

Like with this post, I've been finding I'm doing more of my health blogging here and have ignored the health blog for a while now. Plus I just have been wanting to simplify ever since blogger introduced tags to posts here. Sorry to the less blog savvy people out there. I know I've just totally geeked out on you. Anyway, I don't think there will be too many noticeable changes here, except that my # of posts will increase.

Well, yet again I'm midnight blogging. I had gone to bed about 7 and then got up after 4 hours, I've been doing that tons lately, very frustrating. Anyway I should probably log off the computer, have a light snack and crochet until I'm lulled back to sleep. I just wanted to let everyone know an update.

I still plan on finding Kevin and I a new GP and to find Kevin and ear, nose, throat doctor, and an allergist and naturopath for myself. Anyone got any referrals for one in the Everett, WA area?

I also found this web-cast to be pretty informative in regards to spondylarthropathy. Also, this link was interesting considering I'm set to get an MRI soon.

I love tea.

I like tea a lot! OK, I LOVE TEA.

I'm also obsessive about wish-lists.

Insomnia looks like this...

For no particular reason a wish-list of my favorite teas, and tea related fun things.

Not social

I've always been a wall-flower. Always. I'm much more content to have a table in the back corner of a room with my back to the wall, feet growing roots in the floor, and watching the world interact in front of me. Am I shy? I don't really think so... I know I get shy in certain circumstances, but I've been in high school drama plays, and since elementary school all through college I've been in many choirs. I'm not afraid to be up front if I have to. But, I am perfectly content with staying holed up in my house, reading books, making crafts, and keeping house and letting days go by before I make contact. Hard to believe considering my blogging sometimes, but writing has always been very easy for me. What has never been easy is picking up the phone. PERIOD. If we have business to take care of I become a baby and make Kevin do it as soon as he gets home. And my poor dear friends never get phone calls from me. I'm fine to talk on the phone with someone when they call, but I always see making a phone call as an intrusion. Maybe it stems from a hate of telamarketers, or having to be quiet back in the days when my dad worked nights, I don't know. But I think the biggest thing to me is that you can't read the other persons body language. I put so much into that. It's a part of who I am as a wall-flower. I just enjoy watching people so much, as much as others love the art of conversation. Body language speaks volumes. And when you're on the phone it's almost like during that conversation you're blind, you don't get to see body language.

On Sunday two friends both asked me independently why I never call, I just really don't have any answer beyond this. I feel like a horrible friend, I love them both dearly. I guess this is just one of my flaws. I own it, but I know it keeps me from others, even ones I love dearly. I want to change that, but it's a work in progress. I've never lived in one place long enough to know what a friendship really can hold. I hope I'm changing that. I hope I'm putting down roots here, not going to move this time, will keep friends near me and grow together as dear friends over the years. One thing though is everything around here (this house) is moving in s...l...o....w... m..o...t..i...o...n... We still have to put away Christmas. I'm so embarrassed to admit that. I have the tree down, and most of the decorations, but they still need to go back in their boxes in the shed. I keep seeing on so many blogs all the wonderful spring cleaning and craft room organizing others are doing and I wonder if I get started now, would I be ready to post my pictures in a year? I admit, I'm feeling pretty down on myself these days. I don't really know why other than I'm fed up with my current medical care and looking for new doctors and feeling like that process isn't happening fast enough considering my constant pain, and my lack of normal sleep schedule and so on.

I've even seen myself slow down on blogging and talking with friends on MySpace. I've spent times where it's all I do, but these days opening blogs and profiles is just something I don't always feel like doing. Main thing is that s...l...o....w... m..o...t..i...o...n... issue. I feel like so many others are able to have cool lives, raise and teach kids, and for me it's still all just a dream. I'm 28, I'm still young, but I do feel my clock ticking too. This sucks. So I close up, I stop writing, don't call, don't post, I just sit with a book and ignore life, hoping someday something can change, but not knowing how to make it change now.

:: Deep breath :: I'm not looking for pity or anything. Just trying to explain why so many posts have been just a picture, or a silly quiz. I've been bummed about my lack of comments lately, but what have I done recently to get any comments here, I mean really. What do I expect people to respond to?

Please pray with me about these things. I want to be who my friends need me to be, I want to be a mother, I want to be the wife my husband needs me to be. And I want to hold on to the joy and hope I do have in Christ that I am easy to ignore or forget.

So from this humble wall-flower I ask a few things. Please be patient with me... If I've ever told you I love you, that does mean I love you... If I'm quite, it rarely means I'm mad at you or anyone, and if I am it's more likely that I'm mad at me and not you... I'm trying to grow, through Christ I can be the person I know others need me to be, and with glory to and for Him.

I hope everyone is doing well, I'm sorry I've become so withdrawn lately. I've just been thinking about so much. I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's day next week. I'm sure I'll post again before then, but with a holiday of love coming up I just wanted to let my dear friends know I love them.

Swap-Bot Tag

Cotton Picker tagged her readers who also have swap-bot profiles to answer the following five questions about their experience with Swap-Bot, so here I goes:

What was your first swap?

Beelicious' Halloween Apron swap.




What has been your favorite swap so far and why?

There have been a few that have been favorites.
Some simple ATC swaps the senders have been very generous on sending me other things they'd know from my profile I'd like. Recent favorite is the Matryoshka Doll swap that I'm still working on. But what I got, I'm going to blog it soon... she made me such a sweet little doll, all celestial and everything. And back at Christmas was another great swap. I've also loved getting to know some people there and having 1 on 1 swaps... I think I like those the best.

What has been you're least favorite swap?

The ones I've been flaked on or the person sending didn't put much effort into it. It seems like I'm not getting my package from the crafty odds and ends swap, basically that one was one were you take a flat rate mailer box and stuff it full of craft stuff you haven't used but it's still good to use so maybe someone else can use it. I was looking forward to that swap. And there was a celestial swap I've been flaked on, that's a major bummer. But for swaps I've received that I haven't really been thrilled with, well there were a few sticker swaps I was in and I never got very nice stickers in return, most of them were too old to be useful, but too new to consider vintage, basically I got junk. Some of the stickers I just went and threw in the trash because they smelled so badly of cigarette smoke!

What have you tried for the first time as part of a swap?

Pretty much everything I've done on swap-bot has been things I've done otherwise. I made a pot-holder as a new sewer for a swap, but I had also made several for Christmas presents this year too. A few posts back I made a button fairy for a challenge blog, and with how well I liked how it turned out I guess I'll join some swaps for those too over time. But so far I haven't been that adventurous. I am signed up for some felt stuffies swaps in the summer, but I don't think that will be too much different from my sock critters. I tend to try new things for the challenge blogs...

What would be your fantasy swap?

I'm pretty easy. I love anything celestial. I've been in one swap for that so far, and it's been a bummer that I still don't have that package. But I've signed up for another celestial swap. Maybe in the summer I'll make my version of a celestial swap.

I don't know too many people outside of swap-bot so if you're reading this, are one of my readers and on swap-bot let me know in the comments here. And hey, let me know your swap-bot profile address. Mine is on my sidebar.

Siggy as a kitten?

When I saw this I laughed because Siggy still acts like this! He bites everyone and everything! We've seriously thought of buying him doggie chew toys. He loves to give love bites and, well, I just thought of what he might of been like as a kitten when I saw this...

Call me the princess and the pea.

I can't believe this earthquake woke me up! I used to sleep through 1.5's when I lived in CA, I'm amazed this one woke me up, though I admit what woke me was hearing Kevin snoring and realizing the bouncing was not him rolling over. It did however knock over my tiny 2 shelf greenhouse so I guess it was something.

Here is a screen-cap of the event from the USGS website. (click screen-cap to see larger image.)



I didn't see it even listed on this other site, but maybe it will over time. And it isn't listed here yet, but I filled out a report so it will be listed here eventually.

Ache mine gootness! (think Shirley Temple in Heidi, (the wooden shoes...)

So I opened my trusty RSS/Atom feed reader to see how many blog posts I need to get caught up on, since between feeling crummy last week and not having internet over the weekend.

I HAVE OVER 700 unread blog posts!

Now, to manage, I'll be reading from people I know first, and then other blogs after that, and I'll probably toss all news items since there is no way to keep up with those.

Most of the time having a feed reader is a blessing, but right now it seems like a daunting task.

In other news, I've sold three cards! YAY! I can finally say I've sold something on Etsy! The cards will send out in the morning!

Our internet was off for the weekend as we were switching over to a new, local, better, faster, cheaper service. We are both giddy with how wonderful this new one is. I can't believe how fast pages are loading, and upload speeds finally rock too! So hopefully I'll be a lot better about getting pictures up in a timely manner on my blog.

We had more snow on Sunday, but it didn't last. It basically gave a light dusting as we were leaving for church, and when were were back it was all melted. I feel like I keep teasing about snow pictures, but really, I feel teased by snow. I want snow... if my muscles are going to ache and cramp, and cause me to be stiff and limp, I want to at least enjoy the view from my couch! ;-) It's still not even technically winter yet, so I'm sure more is yet to come.

Well, how's that for a random post!?
Now off to bed go I because I had no idea whatsoever that it was already after 2 am!

blah.

R.A. -> Ouch, cramp, burn, stiff, limp, sleep.
+

=
I have nothing interesting to blog about. This is my worst post ever. I need the housekeeping magic faries to visit.

I'll try not to complain on my blog tomorrow.

It is tomorrow.

Worst midnight blogging...
Taking my dopey self to bed, even if it means starring at the dark room until the sun comes up...

Presbyterian

My denomination isn't new to having splits over various things. It looks as though more are splitting off of the PCUSA. Now, Kevin and I go to an OPC, and in the passed I've been to both reformed and PCUSA churches. Kevin and I were married in a PCUSA church. We don't agree with much from PCUSA, our faith fits much better with OPC/PCA.

My mom has spent a lot of time recently scanning pictures. She made me a lot of photo CD's and as DLH and I were going through them we saw this one picture of the family in front of one of the churches we went to in Tacoma, WA. Kevin got curious to see if the church was still there and we learned that both the church is still there and the same pastor too!

Had to post both things together. I know they don't completely relate, but I thought they were an interesting contrast. I'd be interested in driving down to Tacoma some Sunday just to check out history. I don't know though, I'd miss my own church then, and I doubt 20 some years later that anyone would know me, nor I anyone else. Just all seemed interesting.

Update: 10/23/07 - My dear friend Mica wrote a great post about OPC. You can also learn more from the links under my links section for Church and Para-church.

Monday Memories - I love my cousin Tracy.

OK, so the post time will technically be Tuesday, but I started this on Monday... ah, more midnight blogging. And I confess this is multiple memories, but I wanted to share all these with my cousin so it was just easier to put them all in one post.

One of my favorite childhood memories is playing with my cousins at my grandparents house. I know Tracy really loves this picture. Grandma Juett is holding my sister Susan and I, and I'm holding my cousin Tracy as she's dressed all pretty in her Christening gown. Her sister Amy is also in the picture. I love this picture so much. I also have always loved the plant rack grandma has in the corner. All the curly-q's and wrought iron, so pretty. I remember those toy televisions where pretty fun too!

This was also fun when my cousins came to Washington to visit us in Tacoma for Christmas (that only happened the once if I remember). Left to Right: My cousin Tracy, me, cousin Amy, and sister Susan. This was also the Christmas Grandpa Juett made Amy and I our dolly cribs, and the start of my first personal Christmas tradition of using my dolly cradle to carry my presents to my room.

This photo of Tracy and I is from an Easter in the early 90's, I'm guessing 92. I was tired of my picture being taken. I was going through my last growth spurt and just wanted to go sit at the patio table and eat. I think this was also the last time I was taller then Tracy. No, that's not a ghost at my shoulder. This photo had some slight water damage during all our moves. I really wished I had scanned more pictures sooner, but there is only so much time. At least you can still see our happy faces!

And it was so wonderful when my favorite cousin Tracy came to visit this summer. I love her so much!

ATC Sampler!

Yippee! I made it into one of the samplers for one of the challenges I participated in! My Coca-cola ATC was well liked! YAY!

My guardian angel

Growing up I had this picture in my bedroom. It hung by the door. Across from my bed, and even with the lights out I could see it by the hall light. As a kid I said the typical child's bedtime prayer of "As I lay me down to sleep..." and I remember often looking at that picture while saying my bedtime prayers. I was always filled with a sense of wonder that even when kids don't see danger God is looking out for them, sending angels to protect His children. This made a big impact on my childhood faith. I knew God was a caring God from an early age, and that things I could not see were taken care of because of God's great love.

Over the years, moving many times, and growing up, I have no idea whatever happened to that picture. I've since bought another much smaller one that I now have on my fridge. This picture is just one of those tranquil childhood memories that gives me such comfort to know that there is a caring God and He loves and protects me in ways I often don't even see!

Dear to my heart.

I've really had Provers 31 working on me lately. I really feel called to be in our home and doing what I can for Kevin and I here. But I also need to be productive (as much as I can with arthritis, insomnia and the rest of my laundry list of chronic illnesses.)

With trying to see how other Christian housewives do it I found an interesting site. I actually found it a while ago and have been following it for a while, but this article really worked for what I've been reflecting on. It was really insightful to me and I encourage all to read it.

I've made a few changes on my page. If you hadn't noticed I'm trying to make a real go at the Etsy shop thing. I really want to honestly say I work at home. I've been making cards and pairing up my beaded things and soon I'll be posting them on Etsy and hopefully people will see just the unique gift they're looking for in my crafts.

I hope that Proverbs 31:18 will be true for me... "She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night." The "her lamp does not go out at night" part is true for now anyway... here's hoping that my upcoming grand opening will truly be grand!

Just something silly.

You Are Mince Pie

Admit it, this isn't the first time that someone has called you "beefy"

What Holiday Food Are You?

Just a quickie

Just a quick couple of notes...

1.) I'm having a heck of a time posting to anyone! Doesn't matter if it's typepad, blogger, lj, I just can't seem to keep a connection during posts. Kevin has had issues with secure sites. We're getting really fed up with our internet (lack) of service. But such is living out in the country and having to have internet by satellite!

2.) I'm spending a fair amount of time on the soulcysters.net site. comment if you want to know my profile there.

Shrook, Mac RSS Feed reader.

Just a quick side note that the blogs I follow I'll be able to follow a lot more effectively now. I was using (sporadically, because it was painfully slow) Safari to get my feeds, but eventually just gave up and kept reopening blogs in tabs. Slow still, but actually slightly faster.

So yesterday I noticed I was just missing out on some things some people have said and I got fed up, decided I was going to find me a real Mac feed reader that works, and with just a little poking around I found something great, free, and fast!

I'm glad to say I now use Shrook, if you have a blog you want me to read (and I may be asking for spam with this) then post it in the comments of this post and I'll look into adding you. If you are already on my blog-roll on the side of my site, then you are already added to my Shrook feeds.

Happy Blogging! And for you Mac users out there I highly recommend Shrook!

God's Providence Shining through my personal darkness

I'm not trying to write my testimony here, but I do want to share some things that are on my heart.

In the moment I can think of millions of things that seem unfair about my life. My health and infertility being a huge one. I don't blame me, God, or anyone for why I have to live life dealing with these things. I simply know that this is a fallen and broken world we live in, and as a result we all deal with different trials. I never thought that as a young bride I'd find out we couldn't have children. In my heart I always knew what that would mean, we'd adopt. We're still hoping for that someday. Though I deal with lots of women's issues and can't have my own biological kids, I don't hold heartache about that, I hold heartache that we aren't ready yet to accept into our family a child in need of a home.

For years I worked as well as Kevin and with growing resentment, I felt like I was ignoring God's will for my life. I mean after all, through all the dreams I had about what I might be when I'd grow up the one that always remained the same was that I was going to be a wife and mother. Going to work was a daily reminder that I couldn't do that yet, that I was passing time, earning a living only really for the now. Such was the curse of living in California were just existing cost everything we had, and had us accumulating debt.

Looking back I remember years of wondering if we'd ever be able to make more so that we could at least afford one more bedroom. We lived in one bedroom places for years, and the cramped space was another constant reminder of not now. How could I continue to hold hope that we'd have kids if I couldn't see how we'd get out of our situation.

But God provides. God guides, and He wakes us up to see what we might not see otherwise because of our day in and day out. Back then I never would have imagined I'd be typing this living in a 3 bedroom house and being grateful to have that gift I knew was promised me. I couldn't see how it was possible where Kevin and I worked, and it wasn't. It took Kevin loosing his job and not successfully finding anything decent afterwards to wake us up to the fact that God was calling us to leave, to find a new home, a new community, a new circle of friends. This has been such a blessing!

We moved two years ago to Washington on faith. We had no jobs, no prospects of jobs aside from seeing some listings that really fit Kevin, and no idea we'd ever end up in a little town called Sultan at the base of the Cascade mountains. But now that we're here, now that Kevin has growing responsibilities and respect at his job and we're growing a circle of friends here, and growing roots in our church and community, now through all this I can see God's Providence.

I can see that yes, it still isn't time for us to be parents yet, but He still holds that true for our future.

I see that I have the time and ability to communicate with people and connect with them in ways that are real, that they need, and that I need.

I can enjoy clean air, less asthma issues, spectacular views of the mountains and a real sense of tranquility at home.

I have now a room I'm nesting for that special someone or someone's someday. When God says we're ready, we WILL be ready.

I have time to think.

While we may have every penny going to paying a mortgage now and we often wonder how we'll buy groceries it somehow never truly is as big of an issue as my panic can make it out to be. I always still seem to have leftovers that go bad in the fridge and plenty of good food to bring to church lunches, both real and tangible reminders that God is providing.

There are lots we are doing without these days. I see others who frequently enjoy going to the movies or buying games, or going on vacations. We can't do any of those luxuries right now. On the other hand, where we live is so peaceful, and the nature that we can enjoy just outside our door. It's all such a wonderful gift from God.

I could go on even more, but this is yet another mid-night blog post, and for once I'm actually tired at a normal time, so I'll wrap up to head to bed. I just want to say though, that when I look back on what I didn't have, and what I am blessed with now that I am able to see what God has done for me. It is when I see everyone else around me having kids, or someone who's lived in an easier market and doesn't have the financial issues we've faced that I start to get depressed. I can't focus on the Jones', we're the Wilson's.

feeling testy

You Are 80% Real

You know who you are, and you're pretty darn comfortable with yourself. Like everyone, you struggle with the parts of yourself that aren't so great... But you're good at accepting who you are and not dwelling on your faults. As a result, you're confident, optimistic, and very real.

How Real Are You?

You Are As Cool As They Come

Rational and relaxed, no one could accuse you of being dramatic. You roll with the punches, and nothing ever gets you too worked up. You are able to maintain perspective and see the big picture. And even if you're emotional inside, you don't let it show. You're great at keeping it together, and you're rewarded for that. People see you as an ideal friend, employee, and partner.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Movie Buff Quotient: 54%

You are well on your way to becoming a movie buff. You've seen many of the great films, and you have even probably developed an expertise in a few genres.

Are You a Movie Buff?

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you. You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations. You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves. You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's Your Inner Gender?

You Should Paint Your Room Green

Natural and balance, green can bring both calm and growth to your life. Your green room will promote a more spiritual and peaceful outlook. Green rooms are perfect for meditation, yoga, or just day dreaming.

What Color Should You Paint Your Room?

You Are 57% Borderline

You have some symptoms of borderline personality disorder. If you feel like you're more than a little dramatic, you may want to investigate further.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

You've Been a Little Ruined by American Culture

Whether you live in the US or not, deep down you're a little American. And there's nothing wrong with loving American culture, but it may have negative effects on your life. Slow down and enjoy what you have. Reconnect with life's simple pleasures. You don't need to be in a consumerist rat race. Life's too short to overwork yourself!

Has American Culture Ruined You?

You Are a Mac

You are creative, stylish, and super trendy. You demand the best - even if it costs an arm and a leg.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

I've always thought Emma Watson looks like I did as a kid!

I did yet ANOTHER MyHeritage photo thing because I've always thought Emma Watson looks like I did as a kid!

Missed my grandpa tonight.

Get More at COMMENTYOU.com


When I saw this it reminded me of my grandpa Juett. When he would say thank you, once was never enough. He always repeated it several times, and meant it too. With my hubby, the family I.T. guy, we ended up hearing that from him a lot. I guess I'm being sentimental, but seeing this little comment image reminded me of one of the gracious characteristics of his that I always admired and miss him for.

Funny!

purple hamburgers

1. Do you like chinese food?
Yes, and amazingly there is a great little Chinese restaurant in my tiny town!

2. How big is your bed?
Queen

3. Is your room clean?
I wonder if any part of my house would be considered clean...

4. Laptop or Desktop computer?
I'm trying to figure out what I want. It'll probably be our next big purchase... Right now I'm using Kev's Apple.

5. Favorite comedian?
Eh... not into most comedians... but the cast of Scubs holds my attention.

6. Do you smoke?
I lost two uncles and probably the grandpa I never met to smoking, I refuse to ever smoke.

7. Does anyone like you?
I hope my friends list means something...

8. Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice?
Um, I don't swing that way. But I do look up to Condi, I think she's a very articulate and smart woman.

10. Sleep with or without clothes on?
...

11. Who sleeps with you every night?
My hubby

12. Do long distance relationships work?
Worked for me and hubby

13. How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
once

14. Pancakes or French Toast?
hmm, maybe some half white, half whole wheat waffles.

15. Do you like coffee?
Not regularly, and only when it's heavily disguesed with sugar/cream/chocolate.

16. How do you like your eggs?
Over hard, hard boiled, deviled, or scrambled. The incredible, edible egg! Oh yeah!

17. Do you believe in astrology?
Astronomy... sure, astrology... nah.

18. Last person you talked to on the phone?
my father in law.

19. Last person on your missed call list?
My mom

20. What was the last text message you received?
From my cousin.

21. McDonalds or Burger King?
FatBurger

22. Number of pillows?
Enough to annoy my hubby/ keep me comfy on my side.

23. Last thing you ate?
Pasta with hamburger tomato sauce.

24. Last thing you bought?
breakfast breads and medicine at Costco.

25. What are you hearing right now?
cat snores.

26. Pick a lyric?
"Every rose has it's thorn..."

27. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Tart ones, Pineapple Apricot and or Orange Marmalade.

28. Can you play pool?
Not well, but I have enjoyed some games.

29. Do you know how to swim?
Yup, now I just need to find a therapy pool in my area to join a class with others who have arthritis so I can be the youngest in the group!

30. Favorite ice cream?
eh... there are a few I'll eat, but sweets really aren't my thing. Now if you were asking chips... that's easy. Either Kettle Chips Spicy Thai, or Doritos Naturals.

31. Do you like maps?
google maps is on my phone for a reason!

32. Tell me a random fact:
My dermatologist is very helpful. Also she told me that what I thought was acne on my arms is really something else. Whodathunkit?

33. Ever had a hard day at work?
Um, who hasn't... I mean aside from Paris Hilton.

34. Ever attend a theme party?
a couple.

35. Ever do a keg stand?
I just don't hang out with those kinds of people.

37. What is your favorite season?
spring and fall, the rain and cooler temps without it being too hot or too cold. Plus all the colors of nature are at their best then!

38. What is the first music video you ever saw?
I'm not sure, but I think early Michael Jackson. Or maybe Christy Lane... My dad always had country music on...

39. Pick a movie quote:
I never wished I was a shaver more in my life.

40. Favorite quote:
see Bible passages on profile.

41. What is your favorite hangout?
These days it's been a toss up between church on sunday's or doctor appointments. I'm workin on the favorite hang-out, honest... maybe volkssports will help this.

42. Best friend’s name?
Kevin

43. How long have you known them?
13 yrs

44. Last time you laughed at something stupid?
I was watching Scrubs earlier today, and most of it is something stupid. I think all comedy is stupid really, just there are certain things I actually find funny, and other things I just can't stand.

45. What time did you wake up this morning?
7:15a, rolled out of bed and drove straight to the doctors. Amazingly I wasn't late, though I was stressed the entire morning until I got there.

46. Wake up next to anyone?
no... he's gone for the day before I wake.

47. Best thing about winter?
Snowy wonderland. But it can get old quick, though I love to photograph the snow.

48. Name a couple of favorite colors:
Black and white (together though, not so much on their own.) Cobalt blue, other shades of blue, and darker richer reds.

49. How old are you?
27

50. What month is your birthday in?
8

51. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated?
depends on the party.

52. Favorite Dave Matthews Band song (if you have one?)
Something from earlier on... not too sure.

53. What are you doing this weekend?
Hopefully oganizing the craftroom/office.

54. Who will take this survey?
Rhonda, Courtney, Danny.... idrk, whoever has time and thinks it fun. Maybe someone disturbed by the subject line being purple hamburgers.

And the next set is green water (I'm tired of coming up with titles for surveys so it's random two word combos now...)

Skipped 1-21 because they were the same as other questions I've answered recently. Ha, now you have to do questions 22 and on or renumber them, or just ignore this set of questions (with the subject line being green water, how can you ignore these?).

22. Who's on speed dial 5?
heck if I know...

24. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
Sure! ^_^

25. Are your grades good?
I've been out of school for a while, but they were decent back then.

26. Do you have any friends with benefits?
no, I'm married I get it all (Corey said it best and it works for us too!) Plus I wouldn't want that. There is a deep trust and intimacy between husband and wife, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I want to know the person I am sleeping with is mine and mine alone.

27. Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?
sure

28. Do you have a song by ozzy osborne in your library?
I might have one or two, but I can't think of any at the moment.

29. Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
Nope...

30. Have you ever watched a little kids show?
regularly!

31. What is your favorite Disney movie?
Most of the older classics.

33. What makes you feel like a kid again?
doing artsy fartsy things.

35. What sport do you dislike most?
football

36. Have you ever gone scuba diving?
Nope, I'd kinda like to, or maybe just snorkeling, one or either.

37. What's your favorite smell?
warm sweet things. (odd since I don't have a sweet tooth, but maybe smelling it is all I need.)

38. Are you modest?
yes, sometimes too much, other times I might surprise you.

39. Do you care what others think about you?
Only wether they accept me or not. I don't expect to be liked for every detail of who I am.

40. What do you do when you're driving?
get from point A to point B, and sometimes there is a C and a D too.

41. Do you kiss and tell?
no

42. Do you follow college football?
Not at all, and that applies to any sports really.

43. Where was the last place you went shopping?
costco

44. Last time you drank alcohol?
a couple nights ago I had my vanilla vodka with cream soda thing.

45. Like this survey so far?
Working bottom to top, so it hasn't seemed so long yet, but having 44 more to go seems like a lot.

46. Do you watch the Olympics?
Not really, but my parents are obsessive about figure skating, I think they killed the joy of it for me. I've occasionally found gymnastics facinating, though now it just depresses me.

47. Last bar you went to?
My kitchen. I've discovered I REALLY love vanilla vodka with cream soda. It's so bad for me too... I'm not supposed to drink with the meds I'm on, and I'm not supposed to have too much sugar. Oh well, a small drink every now and then won't kill me, will it?

48. Do you have a favorite number?
not really.

49. Were you an outcast in middle school?
Not so much an outcast as much as an invisible.

50. Are you multitasking right now?
if typing and trying to get sleepy is multi-tasking...

51. Could you handle being in the military?
I can barely handle being a housewife! But I greatly admire and respect anyone who does serve in this great countries military.

52. Do you believe in Karma?
I believe that negative actions lead to negative effects, and good will is rewarded, but a strict observance of always doing things to avoid negative karma seems a bit neurotic to me.

53. What is your school mascot?
Honestly I don't know what to pick. I went to three different H.S. Last school, college, was the Warriors.

54. How is the weather today?
It was nice, but got cold at the end of the day.

55. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell?
puting it in the same section of my purse as my nail file and ruining the screen.

Thankful for insomnia?

Insomnia has been bad in the Wilson house lately...

You Are 73% Thankful

You are a very thankful person - for both the big and little things in life. Your optimism is powerful. Getting through hard times is fairly easy for you.

How Thankful Are You?

Well, this is a bit of relief...

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

Would You Be a Cool Parent?

You Are Pretty Logical

You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logic While you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn good Keep at it - you've got a lot of natural talent in this area!

How Logical Are You?

Is this really any better or different then Crystal Wilson? And about that, I was Baker... I always thought I'd fall in love with someone with a unique or exotic last name, but nope. I fell in love with a man whos last name is just as common!

Your Average American Name Is...

Barbara Lee Lewis

What's Your Average American Name?

Now lets see... what weird name can we come up with for me...

Your Uncommon Name Is:

Kanesha Georgianne Beegle

What Very Uncommon Name Should You Have?

You Are 58% Grown Up, 42% Kid

You've grown up a good bit, but you still have a way to go before you're emotionally mature. You have the skills to control your emotions, you just have to use them.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional. You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly. Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you. You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature. Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

You Should Be a Poet

You have a way with words... and a talent for drawing the pure emotions out of experiences. Your poetry has the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. You just need to write it!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Pretty true considering I wasn't too sure where this quiz was going....

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more open with you. With respect to money, you spend carefully and save your pennies. You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities. The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort. You have a tendency to overdo things, but basically you value your friendships highly. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's The True You?

Whoa! But I think my closest friends knew this about me even still...

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are compassionate, caring, and soothing. You like other people to depend on you... In fact, you don't feel right unless you are helping someone out. Underneath it all, you feel the burden of everyone's problems. Without your guidance, you fear that many people's worlds would fall apart. You like to feel in charge, even if it brings you a lot of stress.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

27 questions answered by this 27 year old.

1.WHAT IS YOUR DISPLAY NAME ABOUT?
-- It's my nick-name silly!

2. WHERE WAS YOUR DEFAULT PICTURE TAKEN?
-- I made it, you can visit that site too, the link is under the photo in the phots section.

3. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
-- Marie

4. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS?
-- Marrie almost 7 years.

5. HONESTLY, IF SOMEONE WERE TO TELL YOU HOW THEY FELT, WOULD YOU LISTEN?
-- I try

6. WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT MOOD?
-- Content, sore, tired.

7. WHAT'S YOUR MOST VALUED POSSESSION?
-- Currently my cell, I have my calendar on it, contacts for everyone I need contacts for, a bible and a few other things to keep entertained... oh, and the grocery list.

10. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, AND CHANGE SOMETHING WOULD YOU?
-- I can think of a few things.

11. IF YOU MUST BE AN ANIMAL FOR ONE DAY- WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
-- Some woodlin creature, maybe a bear or a deer.

12. EVER HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE?
I was super sick as a kid. It freaked us all out really bad. But I don't think I've ever been really near death.

14. WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE SONG THAT'S STUCK IN YOUR HEAD?
That one for the new Bridge to Terabithia movie.


15. WHO DID YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS FROM?
-- Rhonda

16. NAME SOMEONE WITH THE SAME B-DAY AS YOU?
-- I don't know, I don't remember that...

17. HAVE YOU EVER SANG IN FRONT OF A LARGE AUDIENCE?
-- Yes, in HS and college... I was in choir back in those days. I can't sing anywhere near as well anymore and I admit I wasn't the greatest, but my college choir director liked my voice enough to pout during my last year when I couldn't be in choir because it conflicted with my schedule.

18. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
-- Eyes, butt, build, arms.

19. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER FROM STARBUCKS?
-- Rhonda worte "I am boycotting them because they don't have anywhere to put a purse in the ladies room." - While I see that as a reason to boycott them, I boycott them for a few more reasons, like monopoly, and not being truthful about fair trade beans, and having very bad tasting whip cream.

20. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DRUNKEN NIGHT?
--A couple, maybe three or four.

21. DO YOU STILL WATCH KIDDY MOVIES OR TV SHOWS?
-- Those are the best!

22. DO YOU HAVE BRACES?
-- never

23. NAME SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY.
-- My heart broke as I saw that an entire box of photos and craft supplies is total garbage now! It's been left out in the rain for the last six months and I had no idea.

24. DO YOU SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE?
-- a minute amount of German and Czech.

25. IS THERE SOMEONE ON YOUR MIND NOW?'
-- I'm thinking about calling some of my doctors tomorrow.

26. WHAT HURTS YOU AT THE MOMENT?
-- My skin itches, my leg and foot hurt. I had swelling so bad I spent most of the weekend on the couch. No I didn't hurt myself, it's just one of the many joys of having snow outside while living with R.A.

27. WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR?
-- At the moment a cure for RA, and PCOS and allergies and make me a perfectly healthy person... I can come up with better, but this hasn't been the best weekend.

Funny!

I think it's still midnight blogging if it's 1:00 am... I really should go to bed. Things like these videos are seeming insanely funny to me right now and later I'll probably be embarrassed for even making this post.

Hate is a strong word, but it works when talking about the bathroom wallpaper.

Ever since we moved into our place I've been thinking about how I hate the wallpaper in the guest bath! I so wish I could afford extras so I could scrape away the paper and paint the bathroom a nice clean light blue.



The photo is a very bad shot of our very bad wallpaper. Well, I hate it. It's like the wallpaper you pick when you can't pick what color you want the room to be. There are too many colors and to many different patterns and textures. It's just busy! It reminded me of a short story I read in college, called "The Yellow Wall-Paper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman It's a great story, and really describes my hate for this paper.

The bath ball sitting in front is the color I want the bathroom to be. But you can't really tell what I want from the picture because it didn't come out right.

I think my blogging gets stranger the later it gets so I should probably quit for tonight.

You said my name?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 1,052 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Talkedy Talk

Current mood: groggy

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

10% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Currently playing: Dark Cloud

Quizzes as a result of insomnia.

Your Extroversion Profile:

Assertiveness: Medium

Sociability: Medium

Activity Level: Low

Cheerfulness: Very Low

Excitement Seeking: Very Low

Friendliness: Very Low

How Extroverted Are You?

Your Observation Skills Get A B-

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time) And it takes something big to distract you!

How Observant Are You?

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You Are a Blue Flower

A blue flower tends to represent peace, openness, and balance. At times, you are very delicate like a cornflower. And at other times, you are wise like an iris. And more than you wish, you're a little cold, like a blue hydrangea.

What Color Flower Are You?

***You Are 32appy***


You're not miserable, but you could stand to be a lot happier.
Focus on what's right in the world, and you'll be happier than you ever thought possible.


How Happy Are You?

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You Are a Blueberry Margarita

Honestly, there's no one quite like you. And believe it or not, most people think that's a bad thing! You're open, wild, friendly, wacky, and tons of fun. You have a big personality... and a big heart.

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Humor

New Grounds

HomeStarRunner dot com

Adbusters

Fun Pics

Camp Chaos

Mad Blast

Phobe

Carnivegan

Oopsy-Daisy

Emily Strange

Atom Films

Joe Cartoon

Ruby Gloom

Joke Wallpaper

Little Bitty Cute Pets

Tenacious D's Ten Commandments

The Hanukka Song