Flubbed already, so here's a quick free-post.

So the time is 1:06 am wednesday morning and I realized I didn't log on to write soon enough for Tuesday. So lets pretend this is Tuesday's post. I was also planning on making this post one of my more serious posts, 'Post abortion secondary infertility'. However I'm still working on that article and it isn't quite ready. Considering this isn't completely scripted out and I was thinking of having a free post for Wednesday I'll post free post right now for Tuesday and hopefully finish the other post later in the day for Wednesday.

'Today' (Tuesday) I saw a pulmonary specialist. I've been dealing with bad pain induced insomnia which keeps me from readily falling asleep and staying asleep. Fibromyalgia is one of the things to blame, but with talking to the doctor (and I knew this ahead of time too) I'm dealing with some additional sleep disturbances. So I'll be having a sleep study soon to find out more information about what's going on. I actually am really looking forward to this as I believe it'll give both the doctors and myself more information that'll better equip us as to how to help me achieve more restorative sleep, which really, hopefully will help with my pain management and fatigue.

I'm thankful that I have such a great rheumatologist. It could be thought that he's just trying to pass me on to other specialists (since he also made sure I saw again an endocrinologist to treat my PCOS) but personally I think it's important for a doctor to know what they know well, and know who to refer to to help with the things they don't have as their specialty. I think too, this will give my rheumatologist more information as the test results will come back to him as well. In all I feel like my medical team is shaping up and while it will always be work to balance things and find my ideal level of functioning with disability, I do think those now involved have my genuine care in mind.

Seeking His comfort.

Just a quick note. I've been suffering nightmares and insomnia lately. Nothing seems to be related, but it all just is causing me a great lack of rest and with my arthritis my body already requires a great amount of rest as it is. I need God to protect me from this. This is some of why I haven't made any detailed posts lately. That and getting through moving my records to a new clinic to treat my R.A. and jumping through hoops to do so.

The following are some verses I'm trying to draw strength from.

Psalms 68:6 (NIV)
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

Psalms 68:19 (ESV)
Blessed be the Lord,
who daily bears us up;
God is our salvation.
Selah

Psalm 113:9 (ASV)

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, And to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye Jehovah.

Today is Tuesday, here is an update, but I can't think of a title.

I was told that I haven't made a post in a while. Yes, I'm not sure what to write about these days. The comments that made me consider closing my blog had brought tears to my eyes. I cried a lot, and it's been hard to want to write since then. The things I post on here are things I spend lots of time considering, so I do take things personally. I am thoughtful, some commenters are not.

I've also been at a loss of what to write about because mostly I'm just writing about my symptoms. I'm so thankful to be over physical therapy, but I still feel worn out and sleepy a lot. It seems like after therapy I started getting cold after cold and with feeling sick and tired a lot I don't really see much to write about. I've spent a lot of time reading. I finally finished the first Harry Potter book, and am now in the second book. I loved it! I love reading, especially this time of year where the cold just makes me want to stay covered up and with my nose in a good book.

I'm working on my Thanksgiving list. I should post it soon, probably on Thanksgiving. That'll be another post from me soon too.

My family visited last week. It was OK. Dad was sick for the most part, it seemed like he slept a lot. Everyone did lots of chores for me, which was appreciated, but also overwhelming. I'm still waiting for a photo CD from my mom from their time here. I'll probably post some pictures once I get it. While they were here my arthritis wasn't horrible, which was good. I was afraid because I was mostly stuck in bed even up to a day before they came. I was finally over the colds I had, only to catch the cold they had about halfway through there visit. This cold has been the worst of the 4 I've had in the last 2 months. But it seems to be moving fairly quickly. I came down with it Wednesday, and already am feeling a lot different... not quite better yet, but MAYBE in a week or so I'll feel well enough to get back on my injections! I pray so, I feel so much inflammation in my body. The worst being my ability (or lack there of) to move my back. And pain that surprises me when I do try to move.

My mobility has been an issue, even with the help that physical therapy was. I've really found that my mobility is tied so much to my inflamation. When it's worst I can't move hardly at all, when it's better I can move around fairly free, though that's been rare lately.

While they were here we visited a museum and I used a wheelchair there. It was actually rather freeing to have a chair available, I'm glad the museum had that available. It reminded me of the words of an on-line friend of mine. She has A.S. and she told me the best thing she ever did for herself was to buy herself a walker so she could keep moving on her bad days. I'm grateful for my cane, but sometimes I need support on both sides of my body. About half of the rest of the time I was using my cane. There where a couple of times I didn't use my cane and this confused my sister. She didn't quite understand that I don't need it all of the time. And that I try not to use it when I don't need it. I think this is one of the hardest things for people to understand about my arthritis, just because I'm doing good one day doesn't mean I'm better, and just because I'm stuck in bed another doesn't mean I'll always be stuck. It also doesn't mean that I've given up, or given into my disease. Just because I need my cane sometimes, and would truly benefit from a walker doesn't mean I want it, it's just tools for better living. It's not something about attitude, but realizing what I need to do to have the best life possible.

I'm really saddened sometimes by the lack of understanding some people have. I try to be very open about what I deal with, and sometimes it's hard for people to understand that this is not something I'm doing to myself, or allowing to happen to me. There is no cure for it, just some things that help. Believe me, if there was a cure-all for this all of my on-line A.S. friends and I would be talking about it and shouting it from the roof-tops. No one wants a cure for this more than the person dealing with it. False hopes, and advice that (falsely says) there's a cure out there are very discouraging. God alone can deal with this. Medications and exercise CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH! Even if I'm someday blessed with total remission, I would still live with the reality that it could pop up again. Even if I someday get my hip replaced to fix my O.A. that still won't change the R.A. or A.S. it's complicated, and my life is even more complicated since I live with multiple things.

The first day my family was here (actually on our way home from the airport) we went to the mall and they bought us a stationary recumbent bike. It's great. I think it's even nicer than the one I was using in physical therapy. Siggy has already started scratching on it, which makes me mad. He's a good cat for the most part, but everything looks like scratching posts to him. Very frustrating. I've put a towel over the seat to help prevent his scratching, so far so good... I'm just wondering how long that will last.

The weather has been cold, and I'm surprised we haven't had snow yet. Any time we do get moisture it seems to head up from the south, so it's fairly warm.

My dear friend Juliet called me yesterday because I missed church last Sunday and she was wondering how I was doing. I sounded like a grumpy frog on the phone. Stupid cold. I've been half asleep most of the time, and my voice sounds funny. But getting her call was a ray of sunshine. It's so encouraging knowing I have such loving and caring friends. It truly blessed me.

OK so...

My 'break' isn't going to be like I completely ignore the digital world. I was watching the news today and had a very strong urge to blog about it, but really, what I mean by my break is I know that in order to do the things I need to do in the next few weeks, I'm not going to be able to be on-line as much as I'd like to.

I feel bad when I don't make time every day to check my favorite blogs, but I also know I can get sucked into bloglandia and ignore the real world a little too much and right now I need to play catch-up.

So, that thing in the news I was thinking about blogging about was my reactions to news that an 11 year old girl passed away because her parents didn't take her to the doctors to treat diabetes and she was so sick for a month straight before she died, and it all was so simply medically preventable. The parents said they simply didn't have enough faith. I'm thinking sure, there is faith in people too, not just prayer to God. I'm not saying that God can't just make a miracle happen if we ask, but I do think he gives doctors wisdom and ability to heal. He is the great physician, but He isn't the ONLY physician.

I take this pretty personally. I know that there are lots of folks out there that think traditional medicine is evil or bad in some way, but I know that with all the things I deal with, I am extremely grateful for the help and care of my doctors. I pray that they will have the knowledge to help me during our visits, and that I'll have the clarity of mind to express correctly what I need to share so my doctors know my concerns and understand my issues. I trust that God allows me to deal with the diseases I do so that I have the interactions I do, and, quite honestly to express that this is a broken fallen world, and only in HIS glory will we be free of ailments and issues. So long as I'm on this sinful rock I'll have to deal with something. I'm OK with that. I pray God uses me.

So my heart aches that this young girl lost her life because her parents couldn't trust medicine and doctors and limited the girls treatment to only prayer. I am amazed and grateful for all the people who know me in real life, and only in bloglandia who pray for me simply because I express my health issues. But I know that isn't the only way to treat things. The power of prayer truly is amazing, I don't deny that at all, but things like this just make me think about the fleck and the plank that Christ spoke about. Sometimes things are as simple as removing the physical issues. Just make a step to do something. I guess, not everything is to only be treated with prayer.

I don't want to offend someone who refuses medical treatment, and I am amazed that there are those who only want to put their faith in God. I admire that, and in a lot of instances I'm sure it's just as well, but as someone who knows that my life is better not just through prayer, but medical treatment, it just feels limiting, and I never want to limit God. If I'm called to take pills and this is something God wants me to go through in this life, I have to trust He has a reason for that.

I'm sure I'm going in circles, it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm mostly asleep, but I wanted to get these things out of my head.

Good morning/goodnight my blog friends!

LJ collage thingy.

I made this off of my Live Journal that I never use. I basically keep a live journal account to post on some blogs, but I thought this was cool so I'd post it here too.

My Interests Collage!

Create your own! Hosted and ReWritten by 

My first handmade handbag! It's like 3 bags in one!

OK, so I think after a nap I'll check this post for grammar and such. I'm tired.

I've been working on this about an hour or so ever other night this week and finally finished it. My dear friend Mica gave me a bunch of different pieces of fabric and told me to play, so play I have. I made myself a reversible handbag. The outside has a Peter Rabbit scene on one side, and green stripes on the other, and then the inside, which can be reversed to be the outside print is a pretty retro-esque floral print.

I truly love how this turned out. Over time, as my sewing improves I hope to improve upon this patter more and maybe sell my bags on my shop.

I stuffed the handles to make them easier to hold and the bag is approximately 13 inches wide, and 12 inches tall. I wanted to make it fit the image, but also I wanted it to be a larger bag for when I have more things to carry.